MMP Episode 316: catchup: chasing joy
Tune in this week for cathartic chat about big summer transitions, some major recent self discovery reflections, and new realizations about the ways we’ve both grown in resiliency in this season. We can do hard things. Joy can exist amidst the tough stuff. And motherhood (especially with community) is magic. Thanks for being a part of this journey with us.
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MMP Episode 316: catchup: chasing joy.
MMP Ep. 316: Catchup - Chasing Joy
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Laura: [00:00:00] Hey friends, can't wait till Wednesday to get your Modern Mama's Fix. Join us on Patreon. You can choose your tier, and when you subscribe, you'll get bonus content, early access to retreat first peaks at New swag, plus shout outs and even realtime monthly virtual hangs with us. Visit
Jess: patreon.com/modern Mamas podcast.
Check it out and support the podcast. It truly means the world to us. We are so grateful for you and for this community. Hi.
Laura: Hi, friends. Welcome to the Modern Mama's Podcast. We are two modern mamas here to inspire empowerment, self-love, deep physical, and spiritual nourishment, holistic health, open minds and joy. No matter your journey or perspective. I'm Laura of Radical Roots. I'm a certified CrossFit trainer, certified nutrition consultant and Mama to Vie Wilder and Indie Bo.
I love outdoor adventure, good food, especially sourdough [00:01:00] and mindful movement.
Jess: And I'm Jess of Hold The Space Wellness. I'm a level one CrossFit trainer, a licensed and certified athletic trainer with a masters in kinesiology. And Mama to Baron, Camille. I love food, trying new things, creating art, and being a perpetual learner.
Please note that while we're here to provide advice and insights, we aren't medical practitioners and always recommend that you check with a trusted provider before implementing any changes. Thanks for joining us. We're so happy you're here. Hello and welcome to another episode of the Modern Mama's Podcast.
We are in our own homes. We are. I have my mic. I've, you know, things are about as good as it's gonna get right now. Mid-summer. I was
Laura: randomly just holding my breath with like big puffy cheeks while he started talking, cuz I'm just expecting something to go wrong
Jess: because per usual, you know, Skype was acting up and I, you know, it just, yeah,
Laura: it's a day [00:02:00] and it's been a week and I've been alone with my children who I love more than anything in the entire world for seven days with some help from sitters on occasion, and I'm tired.
Mm-hmm. But also, I'm grateful and my brain, in this particular moment, on this particular day, there are like 17 things running through my mind right now. Yeah. So I'm just, I'm, I'm grateful for this podcast because it's gonna, it's gonna bring me right here. And I'm gonna take a deep breath, deep breathed.
Hey, those of you, those of you listening, if you, if you feel like you need one, why don't you join me, I'll join you. Oh, okay.
Jess: Yeah, buddy. I was telling you earlier, so I ended up, we probably could have pushed this a little bit cuz I was telling Tim I think it's gonna be too tight of a turnaround because I, I, we were, we had to reschedule the podcast today.
I, I'm like completely skipping half of the [00:03:00] conversation. Nobody knows what I'm talking about. We had to reschedule the podcast because Laura Solo and, you know, we're just trying to make it work and like, I'm supposed to be taking the kids literally like right now to a friend's house and meeting them.
And so, anyways, Tim took them. Why am I talking about this? Oh. Oh, because it's quiet in my house.
Laura: Listen, I dunno.
Jess: Cause it's quiet in my house and I'm alone for like the first time in a while as well. And it feels good. Oh it's always nice. Yeah, it's nice. But it's like unsettling too when you're like constantly surround.
I mean for in our house there's constantly like some sort of like low level of noise during the summer. Mm-hmm You know, even if it's like the TV or the kids playing or we've got music going on or the dogs are like click clacking around. It's like just, it never stops ever.
Laura: Yeah. Never, never stops. Right now Evie Evie's back at school for the first, for school [00:04:00] for the first time in like a few weeks cuz her school ended.
There was a break and now she's back and she'll just going a couple days a week. And my friend Jill, who was a neighbor and has become like one of our dearest friends here. I was actually teaching this summer iteration of forest school, and so she picked her up and took her this morning and she didn't bring her home.
And I did have our, like, nanny's helper come for like a small chunk this morning, but very short. And now I'm home and nap. And it's just, there's this, it's just so many logistics. Mm-hmm. It just, we, we have such a good rhythm and as long as I can just keep up with, it's funny cause I feel like I, there's so many pieces, like puzzle pieces that have to come together to keep our rhythms going, you know?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But, but they're going and I'm grateful for them and I'm grateful for support, and I'm grateful for, for school, and I'm grateful for sunshine and for live music. It starts today. As of today, like we're, this afternoon into the evening, we're going, there's concerts in the [00:05:00] park like. In our town, in a neighboring town on the weekends, like probably minimum three evenings a week, we can go sit on some grass, pack a picnic, or get pizza from the sourdough pizza truck and listen to music and let the kids just be.
And I am so beyond grateful for that. And four, so much nature at our fingertips. It's, I've said it before and I will say it again. Getting the kids outside helps tremendously to simplify parenting in so many ways. Tires 'em out, they crash harder. Space to run, to run. And I never fully understood that until I birthed, and now I'm raising Indi Bow because she's
Jess: such a different kid.
Laura: The girl literally doesn't stop moving. We just, we just smashed some cottage cheese, ice cream. And I have her sit down on the counter as she's done since she was itty-bitty. And I'm close and she's safe, but she, she cannot sit. So, and I'm like, huh, I wonder where you get it. She can't sit. So she's like reaching for stuff and like looking around and like, she'll go to stand up and then look, if you stand up, I'm gonna put you on the [00:06:00] ground.
And then she'll sit back down and then she'll go, ah, and ask for a bite. And it's just, she's me rein, carne swear, obviously with her own unique personality. But she's so fun and she needs, like, she, if she does not get out to move, Multiple times throughout the day, she will not sleep well. Hmm. It, it affects her mood.
Like, it's so interesting and I'm, and I'm watching this child grow up and I'm like, oh my gosh. I just, I'm seeing myself in new life. Uh, you know, Uhhuh. But yeah, she's amazing. And where we live is amazing. And in case you didn't know friends, I think most of you do. I'm just gonna say that I am, uh, rusty is away at Fire Academy.
He passed his fitness test. He is gone for 10 days. He gets home Thursday. It's currently Tuesday. He left last Tuesday and we're talking like a couple text messages a day. He's sleeping in a tent and I don't even know what he's doing all day. I have no idea. It's gonna be nice to reunite and get a feel for what he's doing, but, He [00:07:00] gets home Thursday, all day Friday.
He's got training, he maybe has 4th of July weekend with us, just the Saturday, Sunday. And then he goes like, then he is like, his summer is gonna be at the station five days a week. His quote unquote weekend will be Wednesday, Thursday. Outside of that, he's at the station like nine to six and then he could be called at any time and be gone for like up to three weeks.
So, oh my gosh. We're in it. We are there. Yeah, we've done it. And it feels, and I, I don't wanna lose sight of the fact this is a tremendous gift considering he had a really terrifying hepatectomy and lost part of his colon and intestines and like, you know, it was scary and he's good and we're here and he was able to pass the pack test and we have some more financial stability, but she's a different kind of hard, you know, But it's all that to say, I feel like I jumped on this episode in a very, like, frenetic state.
That breath helped and, and overall it's been, it's been really good and I've been able to tap into like, significantly more presence, especially after like a few days in. And we've had some really, really joyful moments and we've done some really fun things and I'm sure I'll get [00:08:00] into that. But I, as you can tell, I'm a little, all a little scattered right now.
Jess: That's ok. It's alright. We'll bring it in. Yeah, bring it in. And then I feel like sometimes like talking it out and kind of like rehashing it. Totally. We'll also kind of get your thoughts organized. So I mean, well, before we truly jump in, what are we talking about today? Are we doing several transitions
Laura: or do we just wanna catch up?
I think, I think those two are one and the same. Yeah. At least for me. Yeah.
Jess: Yeah, let's
Laura: do that. Like moving into summer, our new, our new rhythms, you know, and, but I don't wanna forget. We have, I believe we have a new mama to, we do. Think Miss Jennifer, Jennifer
Jess: Reese. Yes. Is that correct? Yes. And she said, yeah, her name is Jennifer and she sent back a little message.
She said she's used Willow and she loves the podcast. And so now she's part of the Patreon community, which we are so thrilled to have her. Yeah. Welcome
Laura: Jennifer or Jen. Thanks for being here and a part of our community. She said she looks forward to the podcast each week and, and she loves hearing updates, which I feel like I've been [00:09:00] getting more and more of that, of just like that people just loving, just the like life update, cathartic, showing up exactly as we are, no matter how scattered Uhhuh Uhhuh in the moment and just, and just being, you know, and yeah, I'm loving this space because on social, I'm still on there.
I'm not gonna say I'm not on there, but I'm just not sharing as much of the like, The mess. And not that I, you know, life is not, my life is not a mess. It's, it's good. It's beautiful. It's hard. Sometimes
Jess: it's the highlight re i, its not Instagram is the highlight reel. You know, it's like you're sharing and it's not even
Laura: intentionally.
So for me, it's not like I am purposefully hiding anything. I don't have the capacity to show up there, and I don't owe anyone showing up there and sharing everything. But this is a space where I can show up for an hour with you, with like my, like my soul sister and just verbally vomit all the things. So grateful for that.
And then I share there like things that are on our minds and our hearts and like links and products that I'm loving and sourdough stuff because it ultimately is a tool to share our life, which is very [00:10:00] blurred with my business. But yeah, it's more, it's more purposeful there in, in terms of like sharing my business in a way, you know?
So anyways, all that to say thanks for being here and you guys get the real and the raw and me plugging in and showing up exactly how I am. And I know you're the same. It's like we just are. It's the real, real here. So, Yes, it is. It's good. And so I'll say Jen. Jen, thanks for joining us and we will be recording a Patreon episode Thursday in two days.
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Jess: We're coming in kind of last minute. Normally, I mean, I would say normally they don't come in on like the last day of the month, but it's just been a doozy of the month. We try and get those in, you know, like beginning, middle of the, the month.
So if you're at our Patreon commun and you're like, okay, where's June's episode? It's coming. It's coming. It's coming. And I
Laura: think in fact, it'll be there before you hear this. Yes,
Jess: yes. Very true. Oh, I might, I timeline time is weird. I, I can't, that milk's concept of time right now, I can't believe we're
Laura: in the last week of June.
I know. Can you believe it? No. Last week of June, I can't believe it. Where the, I'm sorry, but where the fuck did June go?
Jess: I have no idea. [00:12:00] Half of it was spent in hospitals for me, so I think that's why it feels like, yeah, my June has kind of like disintegrated, hanging out with,
Laura: uh, what's her name at Starbucks.
Wasn't there like a consistent
Jess: barista that. Or am I making that up? No, you're making, you found a Starbucks in a town where you I did. Where you wouldn't have expected to? Oh no, you got, you got confused because the town I was in was Alice. I thought you
Laura: were hanging out with Alice.
Jess: I mean in like a kind of like meta way.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, Alice. Good old Al.
Laura: So you can
Jess: see how well my brain's working. I love that so much too. Really, really needed that laugh so much. I don't even care if that was real or not, but it was hilarious.
Laura: Oh my God. Oh my God. Um, that's, yeah, that's, that's [00:13:00] about right. Um, anyways. Hi everyone. How are ya?
Jess: After July.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Get it together. It's not just gonna be a whole hour of me laughing. Yeah, feel free, free, free. I, my, my cheeks hurt right now, and that feels good. Sorry, I don't want, that's good to have. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you. No,
Laura: you could be laughing at me and I would be okay with that,
Jess: but yeah, I was with Alice, Texas for a week and that's where my June went, so that's my excuse.
What about you?
Laura: Mine is that, well, my, I, my kid turned six. My husband passed a fitness test. He left me for 10 days
Jess: to sleep at 10. 10 was have you gotten like any feedback from him? Like has he said like, it's going good? Like, I know it's probably hard. Yeah. But like, what is he loving it?
Laura: He is, it's, it's interesting because he keeps, so we text like maybe a couple times a day and he keeps using the [00:14:00] word interesting in a good way I think.
Okay. He wasn't sure what to expect because last time he did wild band, the academy was virtual cuz of the Covid bs. And so this time he's actually like in Eastern Washington, four, 10 days and like sleeping in a tent and it's like full days of training. Mm. Mm-hmm. Both I think physical and learning. And I think he was worried because the last time he did it was like a lot of PowerPoints and a lot of just like screen time.
Yeah. And so I think he was worried it was gonna be a little bit perhaps boring, but he just, every, every evening when I get like the nightly texts, it's like I learned so much today and you know, he's going into this session of, or this summer as he's been promoted to a wildland or he's the engine lead, so he's going to be leading a team on his engine.
And so those of you, any, again, ones out there probably can understand this better than I ever could is like, He's like, I am going to be the best Sam lead and I'm going to learn the things and I'm going to show up and I'm gonna do this right. And I get it because not only does he wanna do his best, because that's how he is as a human, but [00:15:00] also it's a dangerous job.
He's leading a team and if he doesn't do his job well, not only puts his life in jeopardy, but also theirs and, you know, so, yeah, I think he's, it's been, it's been fun hearing from him because I can tell that he is, he seems excited and that feels good, you know?
Jess: Did he get to fight a fire last season? Yeah, he
Laura: was, he not as many as he had hoped.
A couple, like a handful of local ones and then he, they only got called out on one, what's it called? I wanna say deployment, but that's not the right word. So, once he went out to Eastern Washington for like two weeks and, or 10 days or something like that, and fought like a big one. But this season there's been some like management shifts and whatnot.
You know, government is complicated and. It's sounding like he will be gone a lot more and fighting a lot more fires. We've also had so far, like a, like night and day difference in terms of the spring and how warm it was and how dry and then, you know, could be like it's been
Jess: more warm or it's been more dry or, or less.
Less. Oh yeah.
Laura: Significantly. [00:16:00] Both. Significantly warmer and dryer. And so there's already been like a big local fire. And then whereas like last, last spring, like we had hardly any sun or heat. We had sun, but it was cold until well after 4th of July, I feel like. Ah. And we've already had like 80 plus degree days here and like lake days swimming and it's been so beautiful and looking out, it's like bright blue skies.
And so yeah, that's been good for me mentally. Mm-hmm. And then also it'll be good for, you know, us financially if he's fighting a lot of fires, that's hazard pay, overtime pay, like it's, it'll be good for us. So there's that. And then also, you know, like California had a very, very wet spring. Huh? And now it's going to, as it does, like, dry up fast and get hot fast, which means all that wet made a lot of fuel in the, like, all the greenery that's now going to die and turn into just fuel for fire.
So I'm sure California will have, and Oregon and he could be pulled to other states as well. So we'll see. I, you know, [00:17:00] I'm, I'm just planning on not planning on him being here. Uhhuh Uhhuh. So like, whenever I make plans and stuff, I'm like set, I already have like a girls' night set up for July 7th with a couple of friends I at dinner and technically he should be home for dinner time on that day, but I already line up at dinner because I just, any, any plans that I make, I'm not counting him in and then it will just be like bonus when he's there, man.
So that is, this is wild. Yeah. And it's, it's been, it's wild. But again, like it, you know, circling back to like, to when he had his appendectomy and I was, I think I showed up here and was like super grateful that I had. So I was proud of myself for having set up so many rhythms and routines leading up to something like that.
And it's similar now. Like I have a rhythm and all I need to do is like fill in the puzzle piece of who's gonna hang with the girls. We have like a small handful of people that we trust with our entire beings and, and as long as I can get someone in there, you know, it's great. And so the past two weeks I've still been able to like, maintain my self-care stuff.
Like I'm working out, the thing that's I'm sacrificing is I'm not getting as much sleep [00:18:00] as, as I typically would because I don't think I took into account funnily like bedtime. Mm-hmm. With just me, it. Literally takes double the time because all the things that have to take place to get the girls in the bed, you know, it's, I'm, I'm doing all of those and Evie is obviously capable of dressing herself in Jam's and whatnot, but she doesn't want to, and I get it, you know, so no matter how frustrating I feel it feels sometimes when I'm like, you can put your jam's on, you were six.
You know, it's like she wants the connection that comes from my presence and my involvement in that process. So it is just like from dinner. And then cleaning up. And I also call it retentive if you want, but I do not, do not like going to bed until like the floors have been swept, the counters have been wiped off, and the dishwasher has started because I wake up in the morning and like, that's my zen time.
And I have to come out to a place where I can like light a candle, lay down a blanket on the floor and do my flow without like dog hair and food and, and I wanna make my coffee on a clean [00:19:00] counter. And it's, it brings me joy. Yeah. So it's worth it. Yeah. So there's just like all those steps of like tidying.
So I'd say at least one out of every three nights or evenings we are, I'm baking a loaf of focaccia, getting some sort of meat and cheese and nuts and like I've been blanching, asparagus and getting like, we have the most incredible electable tender sugar snap peas and shelling peas and carrots and stuff from farmer's market.
So, We've just been attacking like a picnic and we're going to the lake, or we're going to these musics in the park, or we're going on Friday and Saturday. So Friday there was the local Surf Riders organization hosted a fundraiser at one of the lavender farms here, live music, a beer garden from our friends who own this cool trailer called the Pull and Pour.
And so I showed up, had some friends show up, the kids ran, listened to music, danced, ate charcuterie. I like bring my own flake salt, do the whole thing. And then the next evening, Evie Evie School had their fundraiser. It was like a picnic. Auction, same thing. Live music, snacks, layout a blanket, kids run.
There was a maze. And these are all of these really cool [00:20:00] lavender farms where there's like picnic tables and you could show up any day of the week pretty much and go hang out. And so a lot of that. And then like I was saying, music starts in quim. Music in the park starts tonight and then to tomorrow it starts where I could walk to it.
So as often as possible just packing up food and I'm realizing like I don't have to spend a bunch of money. Mm-hmm. I can bake some pcia and like get this stuff and just throw it in a cooler. We have our camping cases are now permanently on Pippin our, our Ford Bronco probably through summer cause I can't get them up there myself, but I can, we have a little footstool thing that I hook onto the door and I can climb up there and pull whatever I need out.
So like our camping chairs, little camping table, you know, bread knife, cutting board cups, cozies, all that stuff is up. Our cozies, they're all up there so I can like, we're like go ready in five minutes if I just throw some stuff in the cooler. So a lot of that, and that's simplifying that evening cuz then it's like we get home, maybe put 'em in the bath and then jam's and then bed and they're exhausted.
So that's my tip is, and that's what's helping me a ton, is just getting outside as often as [00:21:00] possible. And even eating in the backyard. Oh, I did my first. Womanning of our uni pizza oven on Sunday. How did whole thing like baked the pizzas? It was so great. The kids ran to the sprinkler while I like got it all together and I've learned to like take our big basket and just, I throw the cutting board and all the ingredients in this big basket and bring it down down to our backyard cuz we have to walk downstairs.
And then we have a setup now with like a table thing Rusty built and then a second old table thing. We pulled outside and so we have the whole setup and so I made the pizzas and the girls like hung out and we ate them and they turned out great. And I, you know, I feel like Rusty's like a little bit better at it than me.
The whole spinning and getting it like perfect. But there's some beauty and imperfection. So illustrate that about the summer. But that felt like a hurdle to get through is to like do it all by myself. And the thing is so great, you just, I pulled it out of our basement, which is kinda like our garage. Set it up, it's light, I can move it myself, I can plug it into our.
Propane. It was, it was great. So anyways, those are the things that are keeping me sane. Sourdough [00:22:00] pizza. And I found a new pizza guy at our farmer's market. He just started serving there and I asked him all the questions as I do. He had like, like big bag of organic flour. It's like a four day fermented crust.
So we also have like another local easy button sourdough pizza, accessible. So, you know, there's a lot of joy and there's a lot of deep breaths being taken. And there are some hard moments where everyone melts down at once, sometimes including me. And then, and then we all end up on the floor in a dog pile taking deep breaths.
That's been like our go-to. It's like I'll just sit when I'm overwhelmed, we'll just sit on the ground no matter where I am. Hallway, bathroom, whatever. They both end up on my lap and we do like a group hug and we all take a deep breath.
Jess: Aw.
Laura: And it's, I mean there's some magic in that as well. You know, like it's just, it's funny cuz they're pretty in tune with it.
Indy already does like the deep breath thing. When we say take a deep breath, she'll pause and she'll take a deep breath. So sometimes we just all end up like, Partially or fully in tears, taking deep breaths on the floor and then we're fine.
Jess: It's, it's, I love it. It's [00:23:00] like the second an adult gets on the floor, like it's an invitation.
Like I just feel like it's a magnet for like kids to come over. Like anytime I'm like, you know, sometimes it's intentional like I'm getting on the floor because, you know, we wanna wrestle or, you know, I do wanna snuggle. Sometimes I'm like trying to do my exercises, but without fail, a dog or a tiny human will come over and be in my space with me, which, you know, it's, most of the time it's great, but sometimes you're like, okay, most of the time can I get just like
Laura: maybe, oh, there's definitely been times like I, I need, I need 90 seconds.
Yeah. I need you all to leave the bathroom for 90 seconds and it's will be great. She will like, Pokes and be away because I'm like, sometimes I just wanna like take it down by myself.
Jess: Oh, how dare you. I know. Oh my God. It just, it cracks me
Laura: up, but I'm not like, I'm not gonna not ask for that, you know? Yeah,
Jess: no. Like I,
Laura: my gosh, I feel unabashed to be like, I, I [00:24:00] get some alone time right now. Yes. And
Jess: that's like a whole guess. It's so unnecessary. Yeah. That's a whole conversation. It's like, look, this is my body and my private things.
And you know, when they're little, it's like not that big. I mean, it's never that really that big of a deal in our house. We don't have locks on our bathrooms, so that's a whole nother thing about privacy. But it's a good conversation. Like, Hey, I'm doing my thing. I'd like a little bit of space. And our kids just like poop with the door open.
So sometimes we're like, Hey, oh yeah, we don't wanna see you pooping. With or, or you know, the associated smells and sounds that come with that and we bleached at the door, you know, so lots, lots of, lots of healthy conversations around the stemming from that, I'm sure. And healthy boundaries.
Laura: Totally. Oh, life man.
Man. It's
Jess: special. It's so special. It's, it's wonderful. What else? Anything else big? I feel like you had indie's or Evie's birthday and then [00:25:00] Rusty left. Are we missing anything like huge in your world? I'm
Laura: hosting another salad of workshop in August. That'll be great. We have a lot of local camping trips, just like random campsites booked, so that'll be fun.
And. Yeah, I mean, I just, I'm doing, I'm doing the thing uhhuh one day at a time. Mm-hmm. I, you know, I'll share more probably about prospect stuff at the beginning of next month cuz we're like in that transition where I have one contract ending and it could kind of go either way. It's looking like I'll probably end up with just a renewed contract.
I had a meeting with my boss this morning and nothing sent so yet, which honestly, that's kind of, that'll be great, you know, I think mm-hmm. Status quo for another quarter until fall when we can kind of dial in what, you know, resty will be done and we can see where life takes us. So just manifesting that, that, that continues to move forward in the ways that it needs to, to serve our family.
Still loving that work. Really believe in CrossFit and the methodology and the mission and the people and the company. And so that's, that's really been a joy to kind of really dive back into getting to program and [00:26:00] session plan. Right. And create content and work with a really incredible team of people has been fun.
And then also still having some space to do my own thing and like really loving the sourdough stuff. Really, really loving it. I have this remake, so. Old fashioned donuts. And I think I shared here, we did sourdough dessert pizzas, all for Father's Day. And I have an idea, I think I'm gonna do like a dessert specific, another book.
It's gonna be called Donuts Desserts into Delight. Oh, and do like donuts. I have like a whole, a whole list of things going. I made a honey linen curd that I put on the dessert pizzas with mascarpone and like homemade rhubarb, rhubarb jam and, and berries sliced from our garden. And it was just unbelievable.
So having fun with sourdough, having fun with food, and really in a different season now of not, you know, if you guys have been here for a while, you've seen me get super duper excited. Not that I don't anymore, but like so excited about traveling and eating the food everywhere I go. And now I am finding so much joy in being home and [00:27:00] like baking and trying new things and sharing those with people I love.
And instead of going to restaurants like. Asking friends if we can just meet up in people's yards and like have potlucks at parks and go to the lake, bring your own b y o s, bring your own sourdough, bring your own food, and that is, then it saves money. It's a lot easier with, with, as I mentioned, our nonstop moving, almost 18, she's gonna be 18 months on the first.
Oh my gosh. As you guys listening to this, I have an 18 month old that blows my mind. So yeah. And I'd say the only other update is that she's talking like crazy. I just posted a real yesterday and she, her saying, yeah. Is my favorite thing ever right now. She just goes, yeah. I'm like, do you wanna go to the beach?
Yeah. Do you wanna go for a walk? Yeah. Just like so pumped on life. So life. It's good. I am so much to be grateful for. My kids are a blast. Life is really fun. It's really fun. I'm just, I'm just so, I'm just tired. Okay. Not all the time, but it's like, by the end of the day I'm like, oh my God, I'm so tired.
Cause I'm still waking up early [00:28:00] and the long days here doesn't get dark. Like our 4th of July fireworks don't start till 10:00 PM Oh my gosh. That's wild. It doesn't, it doesn't get, doesn't get dark till 10:00 PM so you know. Oh, and if you're listening to this, but you are, cuz you're hearing my voice.
There is a apple pie contest on 4th of July in our downtown.
Jess: And I Are you gonna enter? I don't
Laura: know. I need to nudge. So if you're listening, oh, you're not gonna hear this till the fifth. Why
Jess: would you not enter? You have to. Is Rusty gonna be there? Cause I know he's kind like. The pie. He, he likes pies, right?
He has to work on the
Laura: fourth. Okay. He has to work. He'll have the next day, two days off. So it's kind of like, it's a capacity thing. I think it's gonna be a spur of the moment. If on Monday this third, I'm like, yeah, I've got space to like start a crust, then I'll do it. But how fun would that be? Because I'm starting to be, I don't wanna say I'm starting to be known, but people who know me in this town, I'm making more like a local presence in terms of like baking and sourdough, which has been super fun with like my [00:29:00] workshops and my book and my starter are for sale at our, at like one of the local shops, that kind of thing.
So I think it would be fun to like submit and have this my sourdough pie. Um, so it's a capacity thing, but I'm like, I'm not nervous. I don't expect to win necessarily. I'm sure there are women in this town and men perhaps who have been baking sourdough for and pie, like pie is their thing. But it would be fun to do so.
So I guess instead of asking for a nudge, stay tuned. I'll let you know how it went if I did it.
Jess: You better keep me posted before we, I will we record again? If you decide to do it. No pressure cuz I know that's a lot, but like I think you could win that thing so far for sure. You do? Yeah. Are you kidding me?
Laura: Okay. Alright, let's do itm
Jess: in one vote of confidence is all you needed. Alright.
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That's b R E A N a sells bend.kw.com. Brought to you by Brianna White Broker with Keller Williams Realty, central Oregon Equal Housing Opportunity. Now let's dive back into our episode.
Laura: What's up with you? I feel like I've just been like, I don't, I literally don't even know what I said the past half an hour.
So what's going on? No,
Jess: I mean, yeah, I, I'm trying to think. So the last time we recorded I was in [00:32:00] Alice, well, actually, technically that was in Corpus. Mm-hmm. You're,
Laura: you were hanging out with Alice. I
Jess: was hanging out with Alice. Let's,
Laura: it's all a lie.
Jess: My close friend Alice? No, I was down there and my dad was still in the hospital and we didn't have any end in sight.
Okay, got it. Check, check, check. So since then, obviously I mentioned I'm at home, my dad, so my, at my dad ended up being there. How many days? 7, 8, 9. Yeah, 10 days. 10 days. He was in the hospital for his appendectomy, which I'm not sure if I gave too much details about that, but it was, he had a ruptured appendix, went in, it was uh, you know, before he went in, the surgeon was like, should be out one or two days.
We should be able to get you home, blah, blah, blah. You know, ends up being, you know, 10 days obviously did not go according to a plan with a lot of like ups and downs, strangely. But he is on the mend. I went back on that [00:33:00] following Monday, so the 10th day. So I came home on Friday. Tim and I came home cuz his dad also had surgery and he came home.
I came home Friday, immediately got home, packed a bag and went on this. I had mentioned a couple podcasts ago that we were gonna go camping, air quotes for with my mom and my sisters for her, her family's family, a hundred year anniversary of their family reunion. And we were gonna go to this place called Conan, which is just a, it's a river getaway here in Texas, in the hill country.
It's gorgeous, it's beautiful. The river is the freer river, which means cold. It's like just one of the most beautiful, beautiful rivers that we have. And we were really looking forward to it. But that was before we spent, you know, seven days away from our kids and, and hospitals and like creepy hotel rooms and weird Airbnbs.
And so it was like a little bit of a, we weren't gonna go, [00:34:00] but then when my sister talked to my mom, there was some disappointment there. Anyways, long, just tangled story, we ended up going a shortened version cuz we were supposed to actually go on Thursday. So we went like straight away on Friday, came home packed, drove about an hour and a half there.
Stayed in this like, just like, I don't know if anyone saw this on Instagram, but I shared one little clip. It was the Pure Country Cabin and if you've never seen the cinematic masterpiece, pure country starring Geor, the George Strait King of Country music lives in San Antonio. So he's kind of like a big deal.
Anyways, pure Country watched that movie like a million times when I was a kid and this cabin was dedicated. To George Strait, as was like wall to wall photographs of George Strait everywhere, in every [00:35:00] position, every album cover, every age, everywhere. He was everywhere. So that was like comical. So it was fun.
It was a good time. It was quintessential Texas. So we stayed in this cabin with my mom, my sisters, and their families, and had a little bit of river time and you know, it was good. It was, I just, you know, really wanted to be home. At the end of the day. I was like, I wanna be in my own bed. I want to eat my own food.
I want to like, not have to like, you know, care, like be concerned with anyone else but myself and my family. And so while it was a great time, Sunday, we drove home, which was Father's Day. And we were all very, very, very glad to be home. And so we tried to celebrate Tim a little bit. It was just like a weird, it's just, it was just a weird timing and a weird day.
So we're gonna try and kind of have a little Father's Day, redo this coming weekend. And just not that he has, I mean, every step I ask him like [00:36:00] what he wants to do, he is like, nothing. I just wanna, you know, whatever. Like he says, no requests. But the kids, the kids mostly were like, this is not good enough for Father's Day.
They wanted to like do, do more stuff with him, so we're gonna have a little bit of a redo. So that was Sunday and then all last week was just kind of getting back into the groove that I got to go back to the chiropractor, which was much needed after, you know, 10 days of sitting in the hospital, like little chair by my dad and sleeping in weird beds and not really having like a floor or area in which I felt comfortable doing my exercises.
It, like really took a toll. But the, the good thing was when I finally got into the chiropractor, you know, it was, I wouldn't say like an easy fix, but my body has progressed over like the treatment plan in such a way that like, I'm able to much more easily correct a lot of the things that get out of whack.
And so even yesterday, going back yesterday, I had two appointments. They were, they were just like, [00:37:00] your body is like, just really ready to be, what's the word? Adjusted. So versus before, I could feel like the resistance, like the tension, the like kind of fear, the like tightening every time I was doing adjustments in the beginning and now it's like all they really have to do is like, put me on my side to get ready, to get adjusted.
It's like, you know, a thousand cracks and like my body feels happy. So that's all going really, really well. Another little thing that I kind of observed was, so I've shared, I haven't really been quote unquote working out. I have been, took a step back. I'm doing like, basically like postpartum basics and I've been doing this program for eight, almost nine weeks now consistently, which just blows my mind because, you know, it's, it's not what I'm used to, but it's definitely a workout in like a different way.
The other day I was doing one of the workouts. It was just me and Bear. I forget where Tim and Cammie were, but I was like, bear crawling and like wanted to die. Cuz I was like, this bear crawl is so [00:38:00] hard. I'm breathing hard, my arms are hurting, like my chorus feeling like, you know, like it's working actually and just a bear crawl, you know?
And I'm, I'm thinking like, if it's not, you know, power claims or squats with a bar or kept like something weighted, like I'm not gonna get a good workout. So my mindset has been, my mindset has been shifting like slowly. But in such good ways around like the season that I'm in and the fact that like this, I have, I have to do this, this way in order to get to anywhere, to get to anywhere else.
And so I'm just gonna stay the course. I am staying the course. I'm showing up pretty much every day and working on my core, which feels really good. Even with that whole, you know, week 10 days of like, quote unquote setback, my mindset was like, just get back to it when you get home. Like, you're gonna be okay.
Whereas before, it's like, I, I'm always tempted to kind of go in the direction of like, I'd screwed it all up, like I ruined it. I haven't [00:39:00] done it for a week. I might as well just give up, like start over and I'm never gonna get strong again. Blah, blah, blah. That's like kind of that negative self-talk pattern that has kinda been present for the last couple months.
And so it was just really good to feel like that's going away. Like that is not my status quo and my, I don't know, my mindset is shifting. I was telling a friend, You know, the last couple podcast episodes I've been talking about, how I've been going through like really just like hard stuff and I've been reading this book that calls it like Desolation of the Soul, which sounds really dramatic, but basically it's just like, kind of this like apathy for life and joy and all the things.
And I'm happy to report that while I still feel like I'm in the like kind of valley, I feel like instead of just being at the bottom of the valley, I'm kind of like coming up out of it and it feels good and I like it feels true. Like that feels very true. That's not, that doesn't feel like me just being like [00:40:00] hopeful.
Like I hope that I come out of it soon. Like I can confidently say I feel like things are changing. A lot of inner work being done in, in a positive way. And so, Seeing, you know, sh that makes my
Laura: heart so happy. Just so good to hear.
Jess: I know. It felt good. I know. It makes me happy too. And I, I really, really feel it.
I feel a difference, like, just in my voice and like, just waking up every morning and, you know, we're, we're still dealing with some like, kind of challenging things with like Tim's work and, you know, some, some setbacks that, I'll probably say for the Patreon, not setbacks, but some challenges that I'll probably say for Patreon in regards to some things that bear's going through.
And so they're still hard, but it's like my resilience for those things is greater. My capacity to kind of like show up is greater. And I think that's like kind of the main difference. Tim just walked in, our little alarm went off, but, so [00:41:00] that's really good. And like, I also had some, some having some revelations like I've shared here and I tried to always share honestly, but like, I've struggled.
Probably in the last like two, three years with like body image. I mean, I've constantly struggled with that my whole life, but struggled with body images, image and want, wanting to like control through food and like diet and, you know, all these different things. And I just kinda had this revelation this week that was like, I'm, I'm like done.
I'm like done doing this. Like, I just, it, it's more of like the, the tracking And you and I have talked about this at length and I, and I have to say that like a, something like the whoop for instance. I think for a time it was helpful for me cuz I've talked about how it's been hard for me to like tune into my body in the past.
And for a time it was helpful to kind of give me like a point of reference. But now, Like, I took it off [00:42:00] like a week or two ago to charge it, and I just like never put it back on. And I don't think that I ever will, like, I'm just kind of like shedding these things, these tools that like, I've come to kind of use as like I, this like weird metric of how I should be feeling and doing and what I should be doing and all these things and how I should be eating.
And that goes to like tracking food or macros or, you know, even if it's a positive thing where I'm like, I wanna get more protein. Great, yes, that's an a worthy goal, but for me, the whole tracking of everything is just, it's exhausting and it's not helpful for my mindset, like at all at this point in life.
And so I'm just kind of like letting it go. I'm just kind of releasing it and letting it like float away. For the time being. And I'm smiling. I'm smiling too because it's just like, it's, I don't know. It feels, I feel like honestly like 10 pounds lighter, just releasing Good tho those expectations and just [00:43:00] trying to, you have done
Laura: a lot of tracking.
I've done a lot
Jess: yeah. A lot. A lot. A lot of investigating. And I was saying
Laura: I feel tired
Jess: for you. Yeah. I mean it's, it's, it's truly exhausting. And what I will say is that I feel like a lot of that information is, has been helpful and I feel like a lot of it mm-hmm. Was soothing for a time to like my anxiety and like my need for control.
And so I do think a lot of that served its purpose, served a very good purpose. And it will still inform like some of the decisions that I continue to make to like fuel myself. Yeah. Or move my myself, but like, I just don't feel like I need that. Day-to-day constantly anymore. And I think that's a good thing, right?
Mm-hmm. I think that's, that should, yeah, that should be the goal of any sort of program or testing or tracking. It should not, to me, in my [00:44:00] opinion, I feel like it's not so that you have to do that for the rest of your life in order to feel good, right? Like it should be like you're learning something and then you're integrating that into your life and then you're moving on to just living your life.
Mm-hmm. Correct me if I'm wrong. Somebody, I don't know, maybe that's a wild concept, but Sounds
Laura: about right to me. So that's what I'm, yeah. And I've had people reach out and like offer one of them. I said yes, and I never even opened the box. And then even be Becky, why does that sound right, wrong? Is that right?
Becca? Epigenetics.
Jess: Becca, yeah. Yeah. Epigenetics, like a adore her.
Laura: She has so much incredible content to share and so much wisdom. But I, I, we were gonna set it up and then I was just like, I. I don't want to, and it's not like a, I don't want the information, I don't have the capacity, and I feel good. Mm-hmm.
It's like I just, I feel really good. I feel like I'm more I into my body than I've ever been in my entire life, probably since I was a kid, you know? Mm-hmm. So why mess with it? You know, [00:45:00] that information's good if things are going, if the feelings feel really off and you need to make some fixes. But sometimes that over, for me at least, like having too much information.
And I think you're similar, it can spiral into control, you know? And it's like we're not, we're not broken. We can always thrive a little more, I'm sure. But like, I don't know. You so down these rabbit holes and then then the stress of all of that information. It can be significantly more detrimental than like eating something that maybe doesn't serve your body that way, right?
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Jess: Enjoy. No, I mean, I agree and I, and I have to say, I like truly all of this, the information that Becca. Imparted to Tim and I has been probably the most helpful because it's not like she's amazing and she's coming back on, right? She's coming back on and, and honestly like, all that information is what I'm taking with me.
And she is lovely because she's also, she, she'll be the first one to say like, this is not, like, this is not a rigid thing. This is just information about you. You get to make the, the decisions. But I will say her, hers has [00:48:00] been the most helpful to me. But again, it's like if you're not in a place where you feel like you're struggling, then the value of something like that is not, I mean, there's just, it's just, you just be doing it just because like for no real solid reason.
And I, and I feel, again, I wanna reiterate like I feel like for the time being in the moments where I chose to do certain things, I feel like I got something valuable from everything that I've tried. But at the end of the day, I just, I have to like, I have to be able to listen to like my gut. And this is like a huge revelation in and of itself, not just with like food and movement.
It's like, with everything I was telling Tim the other day, when I feel least flowy and least happy and, and when I feel the most like anxiety and like questioning myself is when I'm constantly seeking and put from other people, like constantly like, what do you think I should do? What should I [00:49:00] do about this?
Like overthinking and overthinking and like, you know, just like, ugh, like thinking myself to death where when I go with my gut, I always feel good about it. And so this is something that I've learned from human design actually. Again, it's like another one of those things where it's like you learn information and you're kind of like applying it to your life and like take it or leave it.
But it's been the thing that's been helpful for me about that particular kind of like self-discovery journey is that like I am. A generator who is sacral. And so that means like a lot of like how I make decisions should, I hate saying should, but like, is to generally make decisions based on your gut reaction.
And I haven't been doing that, like I haven't been doing that at all. And I think it's been showing in the fact that like I'm frustrated with a lot of, or I have been frustrated with a lot of things in regards to work and personal life. And now that I'm kind of intentionally stepping forward and trying to utilize my gut a lot more [00:50:00] on those decision making processes, things are just happening.
Like for instance, I was getting so caught up, I'm trying to build my food photography business and it was just like a constant, like, I don't know what to charge, I don't know how to price myself. What is someone else doing? How do I get clients? Like what do I do? And like, just like butting my head against the wall, trying to figure out the right, the quote unquote right thing to do.
And finally at the end of the day when I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna talk to you. Talk to people as a human, I'm gonna, you know, do the best work that I can say. Yes. When something feels right, you know, pricing wise or whatever, and just go from there. Like now it's like I've got like a couple things in my inbox where it's like, Hey, I would like to work with you.
Like, can we talk more? And so it's just, it feels so confirmational in that way. Does that make any sense? Are you still there? Like, I black
Laura: out, I'm here and I'm, I just, I'm like kind of leaning into the more of like a theme of this PO this episode. And it's really just kind of like [00:51:00] this resiliency and self-awareness and self-discovery and realizations about just all the journeys that have taken us here and all these things you've done, these tests, this information, it's just brought this place of like this self-awareness and that's the goal.
Right? Right. And there's power in that, you know? Yeah,
Jess: yeah. I mean, there absolutely is. I feel I just, I feel lighter in lots of ways and so I'm excited to keep kind of sharing how that. You know, translates into life and everything to here. As usual I'll share as it progresses, but that's kinda where I'm at.
I mean, that's the thing, I've, I'm doing a test run for a blogger client doing like a two month test, like photography relationship. And that feels really exciting cuz this blogger is one of my favorite bloggers and I don't actually know if I can say who it is yet, but she is, I'll leave you at that. She has got, she's built an incredible community with food that aligns with our style of eating, [00:52:00] um, for the most part.
And I'm just like really excited to see if I can do a good job. And like I said, just a couple other ones in my inbox sitting, waiting for me to respond. And uh, I'm really excited cuz I love doing that creative work like that is, if I could just have a balance of getting to do that creative work with, you know, some of the other hats that I already, I'm wearing like for, you know, I haven't done Enneagram sessions in forever.
Yeah. And then add the blue one of our listeners and longtime. You know, community members was like, Hey, I wanna do an an Enneagram session with my, myself and my husband. I was like, yes, I would love to do that. That that sounds so great. So getting back into that and, you know, just, you know, beauty can is kind of uptick a lot more and I'm finding more joy in education there.
And so I'm just gonna keep chasing the joy cuz that's never steered me wrong. And, and we'll just see where it, it leads me
Laura: chasing the joy.
Jess: I'm here for it. Yeah. Well [00:53:00] that's, I mean that's, I love it. Those are the main things. Kids are gone today. Tim and I are gonna try and hammer out a bunch of work this afternoon and maybe go to the pool because unlike in beautiful. Washington, there is a heat advisory here for days. It's like scary hot, abnormally scary hot, and so the only way we can get outside is go to the pool.
So we might, we might do that this afternoon, have some solo time, but I love that.
Laura: I love that for you too. Yeah, I want that so badly. I miss my freaking husband. Soon.
Jess: Soon, soon.
Laura: I know, I'm like already, I actually just wrote myself, literally wrote on my to-do list, a note to line up a sitter for one of the days next week that we think he'll be home so that we can have a date.
I just want, I just wanna look at him in the face and I'm like, kiss him all over his face and hear him hear, hear him talk about all the things and I wanna. Verbally vomit all over him.
Jess: He cut his hair
Laura: too, right? Oh yeah. He buzzed his head and that was big. Oh, how do you feel about it was, I just find him so fucking sexy.
Always. I'm gonna miss the [00:54:00] hair. But I also, I fell in love with him with a buzz head. Mm. That's what I meant. He had a buzz head and a beard and I just find it so hot. And my, the biggest, actually, the biggest surprise was Evie. She, she's the one that like cut his ponytail and she watched him buzz it. Andy was there too.
We wanted to make sure they saw it happen. She cried for the next four hours. Every time she looked at him, she saw crying. So Evie or Indy e Evie. Aw, I know. Oh, and I think it's, I think it's largely because it's like the physical, you know, embodiment or manifestation of the fact that he did it because of fire.
And so for her, every time she looked at him, not only did he look very different, but cuz she, he's had long hair now since she, he started growing it again when she was three. Three,
Jess: so. Mm-hmm. That's a long time. Yeah. As far as she could probably
Laura: remember. Totally. Yeah. And so, and also it's just this like reminder that he was, cuz she knows what it's like for him to be gone a alive.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I think she has a better understanding of that now than ever, than the last time he did this. And so, and he, she just, she adores him. Their [00:55:00] relationship is just, it's so fucking special. So anyways, that was really hard for her and she cried a lot and I'm glad we did it a couple days before he left, who's doing so that there was like that space for her to, you know, get some of that processing out.
And indeed just thought it was the be's knees. She like, I thought she was gonna have a hard time because she loves, like her Bobo is our hair, but she just like, she just is like caressing his soft head and that's it. So. Aw. Yeah. Buzz head, buzz head daddy. And he was like, gonna try and make it work. He's gotta wear a hat.
He's gonna be, we went camping, you know, for Evie's birthday and like he was over the fire a ton and the next day he was like, he was like, I, it is like a rock nest. It just wreaked of smoke. He's like, I cannot, I cannot do this all summer. Yeah. Then, then buzz it like, I, I am not one to get attached to things like that.
It just, it's not emotional to me. Yeah. And I, again, I just like, he's very, I just find my husband to be so attractive.
Jess: [00:56:00] I love that. I mean safe not rusty, but like Tim for me. Yeah. Yes. I mean, it's funny cuz
Laura: in, in Instagram messages, someone sent me one, like, sorry, I, I took a screenshot, I meant to take it of like your meal, but I accidentally moved to the next one. I took a screenshot of your husband, which just in case anyone's wondering, as far as I know, we're not notified.
We can't see that. Yeah, no. And all I wrote back was, well, I mean, I wouldn't blame you.
Funny. Oh yeah. Anyways, so looking forward to his return for so many reasons, but. It's gonna be a summer, and our anniversary's up there in September and we're already planning a night away. So I just, I'm ready. I miss him. That's all. It's not like, for me, it's a lot harder just being without my best friend than it is.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Not having his help. Mm-hmm. I just meant I miss him and I know he feels the same. So that's gonna be the hardest part. I, I really feel like we got our groove. Sunday was so fun. We laughed, we belly laughed. I feel like we're, we're finding our nighttime rhythm and ritual, like it's gonna be good.
I just miss, I miss him a lot. So [00:57:00] cheers to Summer ahead. Outdoor time, charcuterie,
Jess: dinner, snacks, pizza and fire. Pizza. Pizza on the grass. Yeah. Yeah.
Laura: It's gonna be awesome. And, and I've got friends for the first time coming to visit us here, Sarah, who's a listener and longtime friend who's gonna come to retreat.
We've never met in person, but she set up like bracelets for everybody when I was pregnant. Yay. She's coming in in two weeks. She's using her retreat. Flight to come here and I am giddy and she's bringing her whole family. So
Jess: that is so fun. My friend Shelby, who
Laura: actually was also gonna come to the retreat, she lives in Santa Cruz, she's coming out the following or the weekend before that.
So it's like, it really extra feels like we're home, that we're having friends visit and we have a backyard to hang out in. And I get a show, all our favorite spots and it's just, it's gonna be a special summer. We're surrounded by community in ways that I haven't been in a very long time. And, and that coming full circle back to the conversation about resiliency, being surrounded by community who's here to help and make life fun, helps me to chase joy and helps me feel significantly more resilient.[00:58:00]
Yeah, fun. Community community's everything and we're grateful for this one. So thank you all for being here too. Listening. Yeah. Yeah. Just that in and of itself, having the space to share.
Jess: Yes. Oh, six ears. So six freaking ears. It's magic. No big deal. No big deal. Feels like a very big deal. That's a long time.
It is. That's, that's a long time. That's bananas. Thank. I just, I still mm-hmm. Am like, can't get over that. So anyways, cheers to you if you've been here from the beginning, because you've seen a lot.
Laura: And if you're just getting here right now, cheers to another six plus. Then in six years we'll be looking back and we'll have like a freaking tea.
You'll have teenagers. Oh. And we'll be like, Hey, remember six years ago when we said six years was big? How about 12? Oh
Jess: my God. So the kids will, yeah. Literally there will be like 16. Oh my God. Driving nuts. Oh, completely. I hate it. We don't talk about it. Anyways. [00:59:00] The best. Okay. Anyways, friends,
Laura: thanks for tuning in.
Love you guys. Thanks for listening. See you next week.
Jess: But
Laura: I dunno what to say.
Jess: Thanks for listening to our podcast. See you next time.
Laura: Thanks for listening to
Jess: our
Laura: podcast. See you next time. Bye.[01:00:00]