MMP Ep 335: Big Feelings

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Laura Bruner: Hi friends! Welcome to the Modern Mamas Podcast. We

Jess Gaertner: are two modern mamas here to inspire, empowerment, self

Laura Bruner: love, deep physical and spiritual nourishment, holistic health, open minds, and joy, no matter your journey or perspective. I'm Laura of Radical Roots. I'm a certified CrossFit trainer, certified nutrition consultant, and mama to [00:01:00] Evie Wilder and Indie Bow.

Laura Bruner: I love outdoor

Jess Gaertner: adventure, good

Laura Bruner: food, especially sourdough.

Jess Gaertner: And mindful movement. And I'm Jess of Hold the Space Wellness. I am a Level 1 CrossFit trainer, a licensed and certified athletic trainer with a Masters in Kinesiology, and Mama Tiberian Camille. I love food, trying new things, creating art, and being a perpetual learner.

Jess Gaertner: Please note that while we're here to provide advice and insights, we aren't medical practitioners, and always recommend that you check with a trusted provider before implementing any changes. Thanks for joining us. We're so happy you're here. Hello, it's Laura and Jess. Welcome. Welcome friends. Hey, it's us.

Jess Gaertner: We're here. And yeah, I'm sure we're going to dive into it's been kind of like, I think a big week for you because I know y'all celebrated anniversary and it hasn't been a big week. over here, but there's been a lot of big feelings. And so I've seen glimpses.

Laura Bruner: I haven't been on social much or boxer much or anything much because life has been very full, but I've seen, I [00:02:00] like to check in on you when I can and I know you're busy.

Laura Bruner: So I use Instagram and I have seen you some feels some memes shared about feels some pictures of you hiding in your hood.

Jess Gaertner: It's so funny though. Cause it's like, I mean, this happens every month around my cycle where I'm just like, I mean, it's like, it's like laughable. Cause I'm like, I don't know why it feels so hard.

Jess Gaertner: And Tim's like, Oh, you're about to bleed. He's like, I'm like, don't say it. Don't you dare say it. He's like, okay, I won't say it. But it's like, it is, it's pretty much comical at this point. Cause I'm, it's like, so one of the things, sorry, I'll just kind of dive right in, but like, let's do it. I. My capacity and my patience for other people's feelings in my family, like my kids, even Tim, like anyone is so much less.

Jess Gaertner: It is like telltale sign, like other, you know, 20, however many days out of the [00:03:00] cycle that I'm not on my period. I'm like, I got this. I'm resilient. I'm calm and patient. Most of the time, only all your feelings. I can hold the space for you like this is we can figure this out. But it is like a switch where yes, it was like yesterday and today.

Jess Gaertner: Today, especially we had big feelings because it was picture day. And, you know, there's not a lot of options. And we lay out the options. And one of my Children in particular was like, just I don't know. Yep. I don't know what to do, and I don't like this, I like everything, I don't like any of that. I don't want anything to wear that I have, but also like, I don't know what to do.

Jess Gaertner: I want your suggestions, but like, don't help me. That kind of thing. Do you know what I mean? I don't know if anyone else can relate. And so we finally, I was like, okay, because Tim was like, well, why doesn't mama help you? I was like, go in there helping. And then I finally had to leave and I was like, I'm [00:04:00] like, stepped out because I was about to, like, I.

Jess Gaertner: Don't scream a lot. I don't yell a lot as a parent, but on my cycle, I will go there like I will go there quickly and that's like, it's like a trigger. It's like a sign for me. I'm like, okay, I've got to remove myself from the situation. I'm about to like yell at my child who is just like fine feeling. So I like left and I went to the kitchen.

Jess Gaertner: I was like, I need you to go in there. Like, I can't do it. Like, I cannot do it. I like literally do not have the capacity to walk through this to a solution. Self awareness is important. So we tag teamed. So that was the first one, and then there was another one about hair. And it was the same thing, I was like, I can't do it, I can't, like, I just...

Jess Gaertner: But like every other time, it's like, fine, we'll figure this out. We're good. And I ended up, and I always go back in, that's the thing I'm actually really proud of myself for. I always take a beat and a breath and I walk away when I can, when I'm aware enough. And then I come back and, [00:05:00] and didn't yell, I didn't explode at anyone this morning, but I felt it like just right there on the surface.

Jess Gaertner: But you know, I like lost my patience and just go back in and be like, I'm sorry, I got frustrated and sorry. Like, you know, hug it out. You know, that's what. You know, they want right then and that moment or we just keep talking about it or, you know, and oftentimes it's just like One in somebody needs to just cry, you know, and like, that's what it is.

Jess Gaertner: And like, we just got to ride out that wave and there is no real solution. With the hair thing today, it was like, I don't know. I was just like, it's just, I don't know what picture day is like, just wear your hair however you want to wear it. Like wear it how you normally would wear it. But like, I don't know.

Laura Bruner: Anyways, big feelings and feelings are fact. Yes,

Jess Gaertner: yes, especially when you're that age. But yeah, we had big feelings last night. Again, I'm just jumping in, I guess. Is that okay? Oh, yeah, let's do it. We had good feelings [00:06:00] from so I guess like the the I guess vibe of the last week in our house has been big feelings from everyone.

Jess Gaertner: Not just me but like last night bear We're so we're watching the show called the Hardy Boys. I loved it. I'm like so sad it's over and they're not doing any more seasons or whatever and this is like pretty much almost the last episode and it got kind of like matrix style like they were they were like in a simulation they realized like it long long story short I hope I'm not running for anyone but anyways they were in a simulation and it was like very matrix like oh my gosh like like very meta very like You know, when you maybe first watched The Matrix, or you first started thinking about yourself as a human, like, in reality, it was kind of like, mind blowing.

Jess Gaertner: And I still get that way sometimes, I'm like, where I have moments where I'm like, we're just humans, riding around in our little cars on this planet, like, is this real? Is any of this real? Well, Bear had this like, [00:07:00] I mean, it was like, intense. It was like, the middle of the show, and he's like, My brain is hurting.

Jess Gaertner: Like I'm literally, he's like, my brain is hurting. I thought he was like joking. And so I started to laugh. He was like, no, I was like, I, my brain is hurting. I don't understand all this. He's like, he just lost it. And he was like, are we, what if we're in a simulation? And like, I don't understand. And like, what if that's real?

Jess Gaertner: And like, it was like real, it was really real and terrifying to him. And this was like, not the thing that I thought he would ever be terrified about. Like, you know, monsters, sure. Like scary movies. Like all that sort of stuff is what I've been worried about, but like this literally, like, you can see it like blowing his mind, this concept of like, our reality is not, may not be real.

Jess Gaertner: And he lost it. I mean, friend, he was like, He, it was like 30 minutes of tears and like, where [00:08:00] we had to be like, just walk him through it and be like, this is real, like, you know, this is a show like this and it all comes back to like, he and I share, he and I are so similar in so many ways, but like shows, stories, books, movies, music.

Jess Gaertner: Like fantasy, like all that like really affects me and it really like I've shared about that over the years here Like when I read a book or watch a movie like I'm like almost devastated when it's over because I'm like in it You know probably more and I think that's normal for a lot of people But I think it's abnormal in the way that it like really stays with me but like him and I are the same so we had to talk to him about like this is a story it's It's meant to make you feel this way, like all the good like shows and movies and books make you feel like it's real, you know, and that's why it's good.

Jess Gaertner: And so you had to walk him through this whole like fiction and science fiction, in particular, being this like set of a genre where it's like mind bending, you know, [00:09:00] so anyways, big feelings about that we had big feelings we had our first, so we had a soccer game last weekend. And obviously I have big feelings about it too.

Jess Gaertner: I'm like processing right now. I knew I was going to talk about this before we came on because I was like, I just need to like share about this, but Bear had a soccer game and he's had a wonderful season. He's a great player. He's a very patient kid. Like he's not aggressive, which I think You know, can be a detriment at this age because it's just like a bunch of little boys just like rough and tumble like out there just like, you know, basically scrapping on the field and he's like very much more of like a patient player like vision like he's like, you know.

Jess Gaertner: He, he does well, but anyways, he also plays goalie and they played a team that was really, really hard and he, he got, he got shellacked in the goal and he's, it's not his strongest suit, like his strongest position or whatever, and it was really hard because [00:10:00] he left the game just in tears. No one said anything to him or anything, but obviously like the team's disappointed they lost.

Jess Gaertner: And they haven't lost much, and he, you know, was moody, and finally, like, we had a chance to, like, kind of talk, and I was like, what, what's, what's really bothering you, bud? Like, what's the issue? Because he was just moody about everything after the game. And I could tell he was like on the brink of tears just the whole time.

Jess Gaertner: And he was like, I'm just not, I feel like I'm not good at soccer. Like I'm terrible at this. Like I should just quit and all this stuff. So it was like our first real, and he, he got, he finally, like when we were like one on one, just like kind of let it all out and like, you know, it's just like our first encounter with.

Jess Gaertner: I mean, he's lost games before, obviously, but like, feeling like, I don't know if you've ever, I know you have Laura, but you've been a part of a team, right? And you've lost games and you felt like you didn't do your best, or you felt like some of what you did really contributed to the loss. [00:11:00] Like, I rem, I We've all been there and that's just like part of life.

Jess Gaertner: So it was like this life lesson that we had to like work through because it was like everybody has days, weeks, months where they are struggling like anything that you're doing and you care about it like you want to do well and sometimes you don't and that's okay. Like everyone has an off day even like, you know, even Michael Jordan lost like even even LeBron James like all of all of these, you know, we're losing using people even Mbappe who's his his soccer like.

Jess Gaertner: Hero, they lose, they have mistakes. Like you have to be able to, like, we, we use the term be a goldfish. We stole it from Ted Lasso, but like, you have to be a goldfish. You have to, you know, process through it, but you can't let it affect. Cause I mean, he was like, this was like hours later in the afternoon.

Jess Gaertner: I'm like, you gotta be able to like move past it, you know? So lots of big feelings there, lots of, which is like so many big feeling, lots of big feelings about school. [00:12:00] So we've done a couple of school tours for middle school options, and it just, you know, super, he, we had like made some personal decisions to not tour some schools that like some of his buddies are going to go to, mostly for the fact that like We can't pay 30, 000 a year for a school, like, at all, like, not even close.

Jess Gaertner: So we're looking at, like, really good schools, but obviously schools with financial aid and, like, you know, that we could potentially, like, afford, even if we didn't get financial aid or, like, academic scholarship or any of that stuff, comparable to, like, what we're paying now, essentially. And so anyways, it was, like, big, big feelings about that.

Jess Gaertner: And we're like, okay, that is the only reason you want to go to those schools because your friends are going to go there. And eventually it was, like, yeah. Because, I mean, like, there are also other reasons why we weren't, like, entertaining those school options as well, and so it was just walking on through that, like, you're gonna make more friends, I promise you, I know this is, [00:13:00] like, where, you know, we're getting into that, like, pre teen angsty phase, where, like, friends are becoming important, right?

Jess Gaertner: And, like, your social circle, and all of that, and, like, you know, you will make new friends, I promise you, like, I moved schools when I was in fifth grade as well, and so, like, I've been there, I know it's hard, like, I know many people have done that, and he's like a likable kid, he's, you know, all, all kids are likable, but you know what I mean, he's easily, like, he's easy to initiate, like, friendships and stuff, and so, anyways, just walking him through that.

Jess Gaertner: And like explaining him, him, like our thought process as his parents, like, and now it's like, instead of just making decisions for our kids and like being like, this is what we're going to do, they're at an age where like, we're having to figure out how to communicate the why, you know, we've always tried to do that to some degree, like age appropriately, if they question, like if they had questions, but like now it's really like, We're partnering with them [00:14:00] on a lot of these decisions and, and again, like we're the parents, ultimately we're making the decision that we feel is best for them, but like we value their input, like we want them to talk with us about like what they like and what they don't like and why they're feeling the way that they do and like, I feel like right now we're stepping into this world where it's like, it's our job to help them process those feelings.

Jess Gaertner: It's not necessarily our job to make it better because it's Frankly, like we can't a lot of the time I can't make his game go better. Like I can't play it for him. I can't, you know, make sure all of his friends go to the same school. So right now it's like this delicate balance of like walking along beside him, helping him process it in a way that's healthy and like ultimately.

Jess Gaertner: You know, dealing with some really hard things like disappointment and, and unhappiness and failure, like all these things. So anyways, stuff to look forward to if you're not quite yet in this phase of parenting where it's just becoming a little bit [00:15:00] more. I don't want to say emotionally involved because it's always been emotionally involved, but like I don't know you're like you're talking and

Laura Bruner: I'm feeling it to like even at six and a half.

Laura Bruner: I think it's definitely yes.

Jess Gaertner: Yes, you agree like you. I'm not just like in my own world.

Laura Bruner: A hundred percent. It's, it's, it's harder in many ways than like toddlerhood, I think.

Jess Gaertner: Yeah, just different kind of hard.

Laura Bruner: You know, different, different kind of hard. Yeah. New. It's new. No, very, very different. Big feelings that are, and I think in combination with big, bigger, different feelings.

Laura Bruner: Russ and I were talking about this on our date, like There's also, I think, a natural, I'm not going to say this or that, like, I adore my daughter. I love connection with her. I love all of it. But I also think there's like a natural shift that happens as they start to get older where on both ends, there's like a little bit of a separation and I don't know if that [00:16:00] makes sense.

Laura Bruner: I'm not, like, I'm still very deeply connected to her, you know, but, but I think biologically we're also kind of like innately. Okay, you got to handle some of your own feelings too, where when they're itty bitty, you're like, I will hold all of this. You don't, you don't understand the world, like I am here to carry it.

Laura Bruner: And again, biologically, everything in your body is like the little baby cries. You're like, oh, scoop you, hold you, hear you, fix it. And when they're older, I think there's a natural progression that occurs where there's Again, innately, biologically, like, a need on both ends for a little bit more space as they start to get into their own world and learn and, and so sometimes I'm not as quick to just be like, I'm going to come like scoop you into my arms and just like hear everything you have to say and all of your feelings and kind of like, okay, as soon as I have to like trigger myself, like, okay, stop whatever you're doing.

Laura Bruner: She needs you right now. Go hold her, go hug her, you know, go listen. And it doesn't come as, as simply, I guess, and part of me is like, Come on, you know, and I hate that but it's it's life. It's and that's like real talk I shouldn't like just just [00:17:00] Everything I've learned and known and therapy and all of it Like I know I want to sit there and I need to sit there and hold her and feel it Sometimes I don't want to and it comes back to the one first means as I get older.

Laura Bruner: It's it's like less of a Instinctual like especially I mean obviously she's like it's big and real and heavy or hurt or injury or whatever But sometimes I'm like, ugh, really? Like this is what gonna, what, what, you're crying about that? And then I have to sit there and be like, okay, that's not, that very simple little thing is not the thing that's actually making her have these huge feelings.

Laura Bruner: It's everything that's happened for the past five days. You know, for us, it's been a big week. Grammy's been here. I haven't gotten nearly as much time as usual with her. And we saw the culmination of that yesterday. But she was like sitting, we got a new bed, she's like sitting on her lofted bunk bed thing just like, Mom, I need you, you know, I want mama, and I'm like trying to finish that one last thing for work and I just had to like take some seriously deep breaths before going in because I did [00:18:00] not feel mentally prepared, you know, and sometimes it's just, it's harder as they get older.

Laura Bruner: I think expectations versus reality, sometimes I think my expectations are on Cher or a six year old. So, yeah, anyways, all that to say, yeah, it's complicated, for sure. It's harder in many ways. It's really complicated,

Jess Gaertner: but I think you're right. Yeah, and psychologically, you know, I've read this before. I don't know if it's quite this early, but around probably like the pre teen phase, Is where you're like, there's like phases right of your kiddos life and like that those first like probably 10 years like your relationship, the parent child relationship is like primary to the child.

Jess Gaertner: It's like where they seek all of their comfort, their validation, like I mean, a majority, I say all that, but like, you know, a majority of that, like, it's so important. And then as they get older, they start to, they do start to pull [00:19:00] away in age appropriate ways. Right. Like this is normal, like natural progression where like friends and like their peers become a lot more important.

Jess Gaertner: I won't say more important, but like they start to come in. And be important. And so there is some of that like natural kind of separation. Cause you're at school most of the time, like these is where kiddos are transitioning to like, they're, they're probably in school. They're around other people a lot more potentially than they might be around you during the day.

Jess Gaertner: And so like, I think it's normal and natural and everything is age appropriate. It's just like, boom. I feel like for us, it's like, what, like this happened overnight. I'm not ready, but it's also really cool because. I feel like last night after the, after the mind like melding experience that Bear had, it was like, you know, how do we help him?

Jess Gaertner: He was still thinking about it at bed and he's one of those kids that like thinks about it a lot, thinks a lot at night. [00:20:00] And so we were each kind of telling him, you know, we got him a journal and he's been using it. He is like, like, I would love to be a person that journals. I probably should. It'd probably be very helpful for me.

Jess Gaertner: Anyways, Bear's been doing it, and just This is our journal. Yes. This is Bear's journal. I agree. But like he, you know, Tim was like, I think you should, you know, just like write about it. And so we let him stay up. He has like a little neck light or whatever, and we let him stay up and like write about like what he felt and thought and all that stuff.

Jess Gaertner: And I was like, man, we're doing, like, I don't remember because I had been, I had feelings like this all the time as a kid. And there was, I don't remember. Anyone, I don't want to say anyone not, not caring, I'm sure they cared, but like there was no, Hey, here's some tools like, Hey, like, you know, here's what we can do.

Jess Gaertner: Like, there's no discussion about like any of this and no, like help through it for [00:21:00] me as a kid. And so I'm like, man, we're doing it. Like we're doing the best we can. And I feel like we're not doing like a terrible job. We're not getting it perfect by any means. But like, We're, we're trying our best and like, I was telling Tim, because I, after we put the kids to bed, I was like, you know, I am just like, it was bringing back all these memories of like, when I was a kid, I'm like, I was like this, like, this is, Bear and I are so similar, like, after the sports games and stuff, like, I'd always feel like the weight of like, feeling like I didn't do a good enough job, like, it was just always this like, like, weird pressure On myself.

Jess Gaertner: And like, I would think a lot as a kid, like in bed and stuff. And, you know, it was triggering all this, like memories that I had, I was telling Tim, like, I developed this, like, no one ever taught me this, but I still do it to this day as an adult. Like, I sometimes will have to use this like little thing that I created.

Jess Gaertner: But like, I told him as a kid, I would have so many thoughts in my mind would be erasing so much like in bed that I would have [00:22:00] to, I would picture like a static TV Like, you know, you know, back in the day when you had like TV channels and it was like actually an antenna where you would switch to a channel that like didn't have a signal, it was just like that gray like snow and the sound, I have to picture that at night and I, like I said, I still do it from time to time, like adjusted it the other night because my brain was going.

Jess Gaertner: And, like, it was kind of like this, like, awareness, like, present, presence focus thing that I did as a kid that I've learned and I pass it on to Bear and he was like, well, that's kind of freaky and I'm like, well, you, like, I also would use, like, snow falling, like, uh, just an image of snow, just like blanketing, like, a field, like, that would sometimes work and then Cammy was like, I'm going to picture rain, like, when, because she has a thing where she, We all have these like little weird, not weird things, but these little things as humans, I feel like we develop these, these things we like kind of do, but she's like, sometimes I'll have to think of, when I think of a word, I have to spell it with my finger, [00:23:00] like on the sheet.

Jess Gaertner: And she was like getting frustrated last night because she couldn't stop doing it. And so her thing was like, I'm just going to picture rain, like puddles and rain falling and all of that. So anyways, I'll let to say, like, we all kind of like, we're sharing our like little anxiety coping. Mechanisms, a little like things that we do and then Tim shared that he and he still does it.

Jess Gaertner: I was like, I have literally never seen you do this before. And he was like, well, it's kind of like I, you can't really see it unless you actually know it. But like he will spell, he said he's done it since he learned sign language, which is like the third grade, but he will. Like if he's listening to a podcast or like walking or reading something and he comes across a word that's like, he's like, I don't know why certain words will like do this, but like some interesting word, he will like spell it over and over and over again in sign language, like with his hand, like just like, you know, attention and he'll spell attention like over and over and over again as he's walking.

Jess Gaertner: Or like, he said that he [00:24:00] remembered. When he was in fifth grade, his girlfriend's name was Natalie. He would just like spell her name over and over and over again. Just like randomly throughout the day, like with his hand. Anyways, no, this is like taking a weird turn, but do you have any like things that you do or like?

Jess Gaertner: Like anything like, like, I don't want to say weird because that gives it a negative connotation. But like, like things like that. Of course. See with you. I will, I

Laura Bruner: will play out old conversations in my head pretty often that I plan to have or like text messages I'm going to write or emails I'm going to send, excuse me, kind of standing over here.

Laura Bruner: That's kind of the first thing that came to mind based on what you've shared. Like I will literally play out an entire conversation. in my brain before having it and repeat it over and over that kind of thing. I don't think what else I mean, I need things. I'm sure. Sometimes I

Jess Gaertner: do that too. Honestly. Yeah.

Jess Gaertner: Yeah. In the shower, I'll be like, okay, this is what I'm going to

Laura Bruner: say. Yeah. Oh, you'll replay. Oh yeah. I'll replay conversations that I've had and like. [00:25:00] Oftentimes put myself, I try and I'll like view myself from the other person. And I think that's, that's like a leaning six thing I would imagine like replaying and kind of like, how did I come across?

Laura Bruner: Like, did I, cause I can be, I can lean heartache and I can be very like loud and. You know, but then, but then after the facts and they're like, I'll replay entire scenarios and I like it when I'm laying in bed that happens. When I was a kid, I would always like looking out the window of the car or whatever.

Laura Bruner: I think a lot of people do this that would like weave in and out of things and like create, I create a lot of patterns when I see and Evie does that for sure. Like lots of patterns and science shall be in a completely different world. I'm like, what are you doing? And you know, or whatever, like what's, what's on your mind.

Laura Bruner: And she'll just be like, look like finding patterns and art and stuff and whatever she's staring at. I think for her that's like coping, you know, like kind of checking out for a little bit, resetting her brain. But yeah. And one thing I was thinking when you were talking to is about how it's getting, it gets more complicated and, and as they get older, I think a part of that [00:26:00] is I think we're heavily, deeply impacted by our first months and years on this planet first but And I think we remember those things in the same way as we do when we're like, five, six, seven, eight, you know, and so I, I also believe that as it gets harder for us to parent in some ways, kids, as I get older, because the triggers are that much more real and like the things that they're going through, we have to, and we, we either, it was handled shittily or great or whatever it is, but sometimes I find myself like when, yesterday when Evie was having feelings in her bedroom and it took me a couple of pauses before I went in there.

Laura Bruner: Which I would never do. And I did not tell her shit. It was not on timeout. It was like, I'm out here if you want to come talk to me. And then I like, as I listen to her crying, I'm like, Okay, she really needs me to come to her right now. But I remember so vividly, I think why I had the pause a little extra before I went in is because I remember vividly like laying on the floor by the door of my bedroom just crying like, Mama.

Laura Bruner: Like, you know. But being forced to stay in there. Like on timeout. And [00:27:00] I think that was very triggering for me. And took a like obviously I don't want to do that to her and I don't want to not go but I had to like it wasn't just an I'm just going to close my computer and hop right in there and be fine because it was I wasn't fine in that moment but again like the self realization like you were saying like you guys are doing a good job I know that I'm doing a good job I'm not perfect but being able to acknowledge those those triggers and the shit that was hard and understand You Give myself some grace like this moment right here.

Laura Bruner: Parenthood is hard because I wasn't seen or taken care of in this way that I was that I needed at that age. So I'm having to like break some trauma cycles here and then a little tea but still like break some of those those cycles in order to show up better for her where I also have seen people in my life who were.

Laura Bruner: I've known for a very long time or I know their story as a child or whatever it is and I'm watching them and this is not a judgment, it's just awareness, like I'm watching them do things that I know didn't serve them as a child and they're doing the same things now as parents and I, I don't blame them, like it's, it is hard [00:28:00] to, to break those and to work through that and to do it differently.

Laura Bruner: But I think we owe it to our kids.

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Jess Gaertner: Trust me, your body will thank you. It's it's like, yeah, I 100 percent agree and it's just like wild to me how our brain, you know, just like everything you said and everything we've discussed today, it's like our brain is so powerful, powerful for a good and also powerful sometimes like to our detriment to like, you know, it's like amazing what the brain can do to soothe us, you know, and and sometimes those things are helpful and sometimes, you know, I mean, they're helpful in the moment, but like maybe not helpful long term.

Jess Gaertner: But like, you know, it's like [00:30:00] thinking about like how EBS picks out patterns. Like our brain is so powerful at picking out patterns as a way of like soothing us. Or, you know, our brain is so powerful at thinking. Replaying scenarios or like making you go back to something like and like reliving it and like, there's some good in that.

Jess Gaertner: It's like, okay, what could I have done? Could I have done something differently? Did I hurt someone? But at the same time, it's like, also, you know, you can get fixated like your brain can like, just, it's like a scab almost for some people. And I think some people maybe deal with this a little bit more than other people.

Jess Gaertner: Like, I don't feel like, for example, I know this is not a true statement across the board, like Tim, You know, he doesn't really spend a lot of time like perseverating on things that happened or like what he's going to do, you know, whereas me, like my brain will just like pick and pick and you're like, why did you say that?

Jess Gaertner: Why did you do that? Like this person is upset with you, like creating these like false scenarios in my head. I mean, sometimes they're false, sometimes they're not, but [00:31:00] like, it was just like I was telling Tim the other day, it's like my brain, something will happen or I feel like I let someone down or I feel like it's just not a good feeling.

Jess Gaertner: Like, I feel like I didn't do something or I hurt someone and my brain will not let it go. It's like impossible because I will keep, it's not impossible, but like my, I will bring it up over and over and over and over again until my, like, I feel like I've satisfied this, like, this, like, itch, this, like, burning need to, like, think about it until I'm just like blue in the face.

Jess Gaertner: Does that make any sense? Like, it's just like a scab that, like, my brain will not let alone, you know? Yeah, it's a coping. Yeah. But it's like, you know, to a certain point, Tim was like, you have to let this go. It was something that happened where it was a perceived thing. And I felt like somebody that I'm working with, like, I'm like, I don't think that they're happy essentially.

Jess Gaertner: And he's like, you have to let it go. Like, you have no idea. He's like, you got to stop talking about it. I'm like, I can't like I literally can't I'm thinking about it constantly. [00:32:00] So anyways, I don't know. Brains are just You know, and it's like easy to be like, you gotta stop. I'm like, I, I know that, like, functionally, like, what's the word I'm looking for?

Jess Gaertner: Logically, I know, but it's like our brains have, it's like those patterns. And again, this goes back to what you were saying. It's like, Your friend who is doing those behaviors that you know that they don't necessarily want to do, or that they didn't benefit from, it's like these patterns, these like deep grooves of like memory that like our brains have created, like when we feel, I feel like.

Jess Gaertner: When we feel unregulated, like our nervous systems are unregulated, when we feel stress, I feel like our brains choose the easiest path, and usually that's what we are comfortable with, and what we grew up with, and that is the hardest part, right, like that's choosing to go against that in moments where you are dysregulated, and choosing a different path is so hard, [00:33:00] and so like, yeah, like you said, like, Like, I don't blame those people.

Jess Gaertner: It's like, they're fighting a battle. That's really, really hard to break those patterns because like physiology, you know, for a lot of reasons, emotional, psychological, I don't know. I'm just rambling now. I feel like I'm in the matrix.

Jess Gaertner: I'm having all these like weird existential. Thoughts and feelings today. Oh, that's a

Laura Bruner: good day for it. When, what days are periods supposed to hit? It's

Jess Gaertner: today's Starting today, and I feel like as soon as it does hit I feel better It's like leading for me. It's like leading up to and like the right as where everything is just like You know, so yeah,

Laura Bruner: what is happening?

Laura Bruner: Yeah, have you started your cycle? No, it'll probably be a while. I mean, I'm still with Evie. It was over three years. Um, and I'm still [00:34:00] like I had night weaned Evie by this point and like Indy will be two on January 1st and I, I think I night weaned Evie at like 17 or 18 months and I am still nursing and be like at least once a night, usually more.

Laura Bruner: And I thought, you know, what's interesting is like my body's, I will say, and I'm grateful for this beyond measure, of course. My body's really good at breathtaking, and I say that like, not taking it lightly, like, it's something I'm eternally grateful for, and I regulate pretty quick after having babies, and then like, for instance, I'm still nursing her.

Laura Bruner: My demand, my supply is still good and it's just I'm saying this as like I know this isn't really so just I'm gonna talk about breastfeeding and how it's gone well for me and I know this can be hard to hear for some women and that's not lost on me this is just my journey and it's I want to like take a moment to honor that my body for this you know like I've been through a lot of stress and I'm like I'd never stop moving I'm really trying to be increasingly more intentional about like taking time to slow down and all that and like nourish as often as I can all that [00:35:00] anyways all this to say Transcribed I regulate pretty quickly postpartum.

Laura Bruner: I, you know, nurse on demand. I think that's a big part of it from the very beginning, but like, I have so, I have so much milk still. And also, I went away for 24 hours, hand pumped once. And, like, was fine. I wasn't uncomfortable. And then when I got back, like, immediately, what she needs, I've gone again. And so I'm just grateful for that, I guess.

Laura Bruner: Just a moment to, like, so I haven't really said that out loud. Because it can be touching for people. Oh, absolutely. I know that the journey is complicated, but it doesn't negate the fact that I'm, like, really grateful for how mine has gone. But, all that to say, I know that my body also gives a lot for nursing, while I nurse my kids.

Laura Bruner: I don't feel depleted. I've done the like hair follicle test with Ken, like, I, I feel very nourished and well. Um, and some, I know some people like breastfeeding just like take everything from them. I've had people reach out like, how do you get enough protein or whatever, nourishment? But it, I just don't get my cycle back.

Laura Bruner: Mm. And I think that, you know, and so with Evie, I had gone down, I like had to drop all the way. I was [00:36:00] only nursing her. In the evenings before bed and it wasn't a ton. It was more just for like snuggles And I got it back like right before we were officially done that like natural I feel like my body was like, okay period back and both of us were like and we're ready It was kind of all very smooth.

Laura Bruner: So i'm curious to see how it goes this time Yeah, but I don't think i'll get my period back for a while. That said my libido is fire right now Which is great and I feel like I feel cyclical in that and I haven't started tracking anything yet, but there's definitely Clear signs of like certain at certain times there is like more discharge and like more of that happening So I feel like and I feel very in probably because I'm in tune with the moon and stuff Like I do feel a cyclical nature to my health and body but no blood.

Laura Bruner: So we're still being careful because like I mean I could ovulate, you know, I could be oscillating and just not bleeding or whatever it is, and we are done with kiddos. So, anyways, long winded. Nope, no

Jess Gaertner: period. Okay, cool. Well, thanks for [00:37:00] sharing. Largely due to breastfeeding. Yeah, well, I realized as I was asking, I was like, that's a pretty personal question.

Jess Gaertner: I feel like I don't know what people

Laura Bruner: want to share. Is there a personal question on this podcast? I feel like so. I

Jess Gaertner: feel like in natural conversation we would chat about it, but I don't know. Sometimes. Yeah, I

Laura Bruner: don't mind talking about any of that, like libido, sex. Periods, bleeding, ovulation, discharge, anything else we can say to make anyone uncomfortable?

Jess Gaertner: Oh, I'm sure there's a long list.

Laura Bruner: I'm trying to make someone, I'm trying to make someone like writhe in their seat at least once an episode. I'm not gonna apologize, but I'm gonna say thanks for

Jess Gaertner: sticking around. Yeah, thanks for sitting through your discomfort. You're obviously here for a reason and maybe it's not blood cycles, but it's the other stuff.

Jess Gaertner: Discharge. Yeah. Well, okay, let's switch gears because I feel like I need to get my brain out of mind melding. Tell us about your, do you want to share about your anniversary getaway? Yeah, I'd love to. Like, anything else going on in your world?

Laura Bruner: I hosted a [00:38:00] workshop. I'm just going to go totally out of order and just verbally vomit all over y'all.

Laura Bruner: Perfect. I figured just round out, you know, periods and blood and discharge and vomit. I hosted a sourdough workshop, my first of like the holiday season yesterday. No, Tuesday. Today's Thursday. And it was so great. It was the smoothest yet. And my mother in law was in town. She just she's leaving today. So she's been in town for about a week and a half and she started a new kind of like wine endeavor similar to what I do.

Laura Bruner: I've done in the past with Scout and Seller. And so she brought the wine and it was just it was so lovely. And I'm finding such a groove with these and they are so fun. And I, I really realized that it's like scratching my itch to teach again. And I get to be up in front of people for two hours, I get to talk about something that I love, I get to help people learn to bake bread, and feed people my sourdough focaccia, and it's just, it is so fun.

Laura Bruner: And there's this shop that I really connected with the owners, Evie and Becky, and they moved into a new space. So the first one I did last spring, The day Rusty came home from the hospital was [00:39:00] stressful in many ways. I was like running on adrenaline, my heart was racing, it was like, it was good, I'm glad I did it, but holy smokes, that was hard.

Laura Bruner: It was hard. And this one just felt so easy and I'm dialing in how I prep for them and I've got like now my bins of my gear and my equipment, I've got like bins of flour all set up, all the things just stayed there together, you know? And so. It went really well, and it was so fun, and my timeline played better there.

Laura Bruner: It feels like there's more time for just like chat and hanging. I don't have to even look at my clock anymore. It's just like I got it down. And so I've got, I had one Tuesday. I've got another one this coming Tuesday, and then I've got one December 5th. And then in the meantime, on December 3rd, I'm doing a sourdough cinnamon roll pop up at the coffee shop that I often work from.

Laura Bruner: And I'm going to come with like, I haven't decided, but between 24 and 36 cinnamon rolls and just be there with my books and stuff. And when it, when they're gone, they're gone and there's a holiday bazaar they're hosting at the gym that weekend too. So hopefully there's some good traffic, but I'm looking forward to that.

Laura Bruner: And every time I host a workshop, I bring hard copies of my books and [00:40:00]they're gone. I set the sell out. So it's just really fun. And then the next day getting like pictures and emails and texts with like these beautiful loaves, you know, it just it's really cool. It's cool to pass that along. It makes me so happy.

Laura Bruner: Yeah, I found my rhythm and we're definitely finding a good rhythm in terms of, you know, Rusty's now shifted from wildland fire to forestry and he has a, he works four tens. So he works Monday through Thursday from 6 30 to 5, but he leaves the house at 4 45 and he goes and works out first and then showers at the gym and go straight to work.

Laura Bruner: So we've got long days, but the four, the three day weekends are magical, amazing. And so today it's like he gets, he has Fridays off, but today he gets off because a Veterans Day. So he's got a four day weekend and he's in bed right now sleeping in and just like it's so great. I love it. And you know, there's potential for him to go year round forestry and he'll still get called to fires during this fire season, but it won't be as intense.

Laura Bruner: Or he might go back to, you know, he'll be fighting fires either way, but we're, we're just kind of [00:41:00] like exploring options for what it's going to look like. But it's just, it's so cool to watch him. Lean into finding career that filters cop that is physical. He's out when he's doing for sure He's literally out in like that.

Laura Bruner: We have some deep brush like, you know Rainforest forest here. He's out in it, you know, like spraying trees and market things and they tag like mile plus yesterday. Anyways, it's really cool. I'm very proud of him. It's very sexy. And I get to see more of him now. The girls are so happy to have him home in the evenings.

Laura Bruner: He gets home at like 5 15 and we have dinner and it's just been really, really lovely. And then on that note, we also got our first night away in. We realized we hadn't had a night away since our seven year anniversary. So, September 2020. Wow. So, it's been three, over three years. And, you know, in the meantime, it's like, pregnancy and babies in bed and like, all of that.

Laura Bruner: So, it was so great. So, his mom was here, as I mentioned, and we went to Port Townsend [00:42:00] for 24 hours, got Indy down for a nap on Saturday. And we headed out, we went to Finn River. Where they have, and it was like a cold, you know, autumn day. And we, they have, uh, at Fin River, it's an organic cidery, cider garden and like orchard and all the things.

Laura Bruner: And they also have different like food options there that kind of like come just for the weekend, you know, they have like their little shop up place. And so there's a ramen one. That is, I mean, imagine like a bowl of like literally farm, like local farm to bowl ramen. They have gluten free noodle options and it's like this like local beef and there was, it was like a slow braised beef one with like Delicata squash and I mean local mushrooms.

Laura Bruner: It was insane. So we got ramen. Got a cider, walked around, you can walk the, like, the orchard, and then cruised into Port Townsend, which is like 15 minutes from there. And we went to a place called Soak on the Sound, and it is this cool spot with different, like, private tubs that are just pure salt water.

Laura Bruner: And like, a lot of salt water, where you're like, your body just kind of like, your arms will just like, float. And so we got in [00:43:00] a 45 minute, or an hour long soak, and just got to like, talk, and just be, and both of our bodies are feeling a little beat up, so that felt really great too. And then we went and checked into our hotel and then from there, like, we didn't have to drive again.

Laura Bruner: We just, we can walk everywhere. So we walked to this place called the Bishop Bottle Shop, which I've shared a lot about. And they have, it's the only place where I have been able to find the same bottles that I get from Dry Farm Wine. So like super natural, awesome wine. Got a glass of wine, he got a, like a hot mulled cider with bourbon, and then we sat there for like two hours.

Laura Bruner: Slowly, slowly sip this glass of wine and just talk, sat up, like cozy, talk to life, plans, dreams, just sat in silence for some of it, you know? Like, you know you find your person when you can just sit there, and I'm a, I'm a talker. But when we finally got to the point where like we could just like sit here and, and just be, like not on our phones, just sit.

Laura Bruner: It was so awesome. And then we walked to dinner at this place called Admiralty Foods, and it's right on the water. I just sat there and again, just like slow [00:44:00] ordered. I got another just, I got a glass of wine, sipped it so slow, ordered an app and they, they make their bread from the Chimicum Valley grain and it's like all my favorite things.

Laura Bruner: Just like, and we've only ever, I've only ever eaten there with kids in tow. So it was so nice to sit there and just have this long, drawn out experience. And then we like cruised around town a little bit after, went and got out, we went to our favorite little market and got a tea and. went back to the hotel, you know, and it was so great.

Laura Bruner: And then, and then we watched, we laid in bed and watched like some diner drive ins and dives, you know, on the TV, which again, like, you're never going to do stuff like that. And then like, I, I didn't, we totally forgot about the time change. And I slept until six, which means I slept until seven, which tells me that like, Yes, my body naturally wakes up at four, but only because I have children, you know, and I know that I want to have time alone.

Laura Bruner: I know that I want to flow. I know that I want to like make my coffee in peace and I want to get to work, but I didn't bring a laptop. We [00:45:00] were walking to coffee shop. I didn't have any coffee to make. So I, and I just, I stayed in bed and we had a morning sex with my favorite and then cleaned up and like walks and got first coffee.

Laura Bruner: At Aldrich's and then walked, we walked so much that day, walked to this really cool park and then walked down to the water. You can walk along the beach back into downtown, got a second coffee and one of my favorite croissants of all time. The Bishop Bottle Shop also does mornings and they have a really insane ham and gruyere croissant.

Laura Bruner: And it was so great. And then, you know, got a text from Grammy that we're all kind of fighting this like cruddy cough thing that we were talking about earlier, like, that's it, just basically cough. Indy's been, you know, it's hard for babies because they don't understand the concept of, like, get it out. But I guess she was up coughing a lot.

Laura Bruner: Plus, just, like, asking for me, like, they didn't sleep much. And my mother in law, bless her, just, like, slept in bed with her, you know? And it was fine, but they were all just a little bit tired. So, we, I just, we made a point of getting home for a nap. And so my other in law also, bless her, like, God gave us a night away.

Laura Bruner: We didn't realize it, but also, like, she took on... [00:46:00] Time change. Right. You escaped it. We escaped it and what was great too is like they stayed up way too late, which is great. I don't care. It's a Saturday. But so I think that whole experience and like Indy being so tired. It just, we haven't had an issue, like, from Sunday night on, it's been, they slept up to normal, like, it's all been great.

Laura Bruner: So, anyways, it was lovely. Came home the next day, and Grammy was like, bye. And she went back to, she has a travel trailer, and so she drives here from Wyoming, parks at her friend's house. And so she, like, went and just, like, napped and slept all day and had some reset time. And we just hunkered in, like, cleaned the house, watched a movie.

Laura Bruner: May dinner. It was lovely. So we just had a really nice and we played Catan and he took a very long nap. So we got to, I got to sit with Rusty and Evie and we played a game of Catan and ate chocolate and drank tea and just a really nice weekend. It's so nice having weekends again. You know, one thing I'm realizing now that he's back and we're having weekends together again is like, I think the hardest part of Wildland for me this past season [00:47:00] was truly just like missing him and feeling lonely on the weekends.

Laura Bruner: Because weekends are when people are doing their family thing. And you know, we had our like lovely rituals and whatnot. And We, I just missed that because when he had his weekend, which was Wednesday, Thursday, I had to catch up on work. So we didn't have just like designated days where we are offline and just family time, you know, so, so nice having those back and with any luck with the way things are shifting for him.

Laura Bruner: He'll have at least one weekend day next summer. And so we'll really just try and make sure to keep that day sacred. And we have more help now. We got, we have a new nanny who is just, she is incredible. She moved from North Carolina and I found her because I'm really good friends with the director of Evie's Forest School and she knew I was looking for some help.

Laura Bruner: And this gal is a sub at the Forest School now. She's like, I like she could, I wanna be her friend. She's really cool. We have a lot in common and she's, you know, she's older and so anyways, she's lovely. So now I have her twice a week and I'm just feeling like so much more at [00:48:00] ease. I found a really good rhythm with my CrossFit work and everything.

Laura Bruner: Like I just feel, I said this I think last time, but I can actually use the word balance right now. Not every moment of every day. But there are moments each day or at least moments each week where I feel in balance and that is a cool feeling. So that's the latest here. We've got Rusty. Let's see, this weekend we have our first Friendsgiving, which I'm super excited about.

Laura Bruner: I'm gonna of course make focaccia, I'm making my cranberry sauce. Apple galette and good wine we'll bring and yeah, and then it's just like we're moving right into the holidays. But then there's one more weekend. Next weekend, he's teaching, he's doing some CrossFit seminars again. He's got a kid's seminar that he's teaching and those are remote, so he'll be home, which is nice.

Laura Bruner: He'll work from like eight to two and then have the, have the afternoons. So I'll do some friend time in the morning, but yeah, we're just like savoring fall here. It's been beautiful. We'll have like a day each week where it's kind of rainy, but the sun's comes, comes out pretty much every day. Absolutely.

Laura Bruner: And Indy's doing her little morning, Monday morning for school. It's two hours and I stay and it's really sweet there that this coming Monday is [00:49:00] her last one and then we'll probably take a break till spring. But just working hard to prioritize outdoor time and, and all the things though, and like, you know, trying to make the most of.

Laura Bruner: Because our work is very wrapped, at least mine at this point in years still is, but not as intensely, I guess, wrapped up in like sharing sales and links and stuff, like when you have income that comes from affiliates. So I'm trying to just be really intentional about that this year and kind of get a quote unquote ahead, like shared by gift guides already, trying to like, I'm going to create a bundle of Festive Unfermented with, An ornament.

Laura Bruner: But like, I've done all the ordering and the printing of my books. When they're sold out, I'm just going to be like, probably take a little pause, planning to take the week between Christmas and New Year's like away and off. Rusty and I are going to go to, I, we are summer nannies back in town from Thanksgiving all the way through New Year's from school.

Laura Bruner: And then we talked yesterday and she's gonna, we're going to have another overnight because like this trip to Port Townsend, I wouldn't say it was like our anniversary. We have, we've been dreaming of spending a night in Victoria. We have a whole plan, like all the things. So this was like a [00:50:00] sweet little kind of like trial getaway.

Laura Bruner: Grammy was here. We took advantage. It was so wonderful, but we really want to do an actual, like, really an anniversary intention trip to Victoria. So we already have the nanny's going to come the week, one of the night, the week between Christmas and New Year's. So it'll be lovely. And then we round out the year with.

Laura Bruner: Our baby turning two, which just like, boggles my freaking mind. So it's good. Yeah, we don't have any set holiday plans yet, and I'm sure we'll talk more holiday stuff. My parents are coming, and I think this is like, best case scenario for our relationship and everything. So I think we might do this more, more every year.

Laura Bruner: But they're coming the weekend of December 8th, and they got an Airbnb on Bainbridge. So we'll pick them up from the ferry, we'll meet them there, we're gonna stay for a long weekend in Bainbridge together and celebrate the holidays, I'll bring some like holiday lights, there's a really fun like tree lighting and Santa and fireworks happening just nearby in Port Gamble that weekend, we'll do a holiday meal, exchange gifts and stuff and like have that be in neutral space, like just a fun holiday time, cause [00:51:00] we are adamant that we're not gonna travel on the holidays, they got a second dog and they have a really hard time finding dog care on the holidays, so.

Laura Bruner: We'll It works out pretty well. I like that. And I'm hoping next year my siblings can come as well. Yeah, looking forward to the holidays. Evie is very adamant, like, she just wants us still. Like, I, and I guess we just lean into that until she asks or expresses differently, or unless, until one of us really feels differently about it.

Laura Bruner: But she very much wants Christmas to be just the four of us. So I'm gonna honor that. I mean, why not? If that's a gift she wants, I can give her that. So yeah, we're looking forward to that. It's the end. That is, I think what's going on in my brain is very like in holiday mode. I think it helps me get through like the shorter days.

Laura Bruner: I mean with the time and so I'm missing my natural light dinner photos and I'm missing the longer like the I'm like ready to start making dinner at three o'clock. But right now it's seven and of course over the summer it was like bright full daytime by now. But this time of year like that shift has been nice because last week it was dark at seven [00:52:00] still.

Laura Bruner: So just trying to like lean into that. Shifting seasons and the shorter days and more rest. I think it would be proud of me after the sourdough workshop. I don't really drink the wine at all when I'm teaching these because I just like, there's too much going on and I'm like fully, I go non stop. I also have started to eat like really full meals beforehand because I forget to eat the snacks and I don't forget but I just don't have the space.

Laura Bruner: I'm like leading a group of 15 people. Anyways, I got home and I was like, just adrenaline was high and I was like, whew, that was awesome. And I cleaned everything up and then I got a big bowl of ice cream and sat and watched two episodes of Friends before I went to bed, so I was like, I just need to unwind.

Jess Gaertner: I love that! Good for you, Friends! That's amazing. So I'm trying to just

Laura Bruner: do more of that, like sit and just be whenever I can. And it's good. I feel like I'm in a pretty good place right now. And it ebbs and flows. Therapy's been great. I had a session right before my mother in law came, and then I got one next Friday.

Laura Bruner: I was trying to do those at [00:53:00] least once a month, and that's been great. She's lovely. It's been all remote. She's in Port Townsend, but this next Friday, you know, Rusty's got his kids seminar that weekend, so... Anyhow, Friday's off. So we're gonna really try, as a family, to prioritize me going alone and, like, spending the majority of the day there in Port Town by myself.

Laura Bruner: I'll probably head that way after nap, after I get Indy down for a nap, and just, like, stay through dinner. Probably, like, just have dinner by myself, which is still, like, a luxury. Do you like doing that? I think people are, it seems to be a mixed bag. Having dinner by myself? Yeah, like, would you go out to a restaurant by yourself and have a meal?

Laura Bruner: I mean,

Jess Gaertner: I would. I just have never, I can't remember the last time I had the opportunity. To do that because usually it's like if I'm doing something if we're getting like I don't know. Usually I'm like, I want to spend time with Tim or like, I, I don't know. I, I think I would. I'm not opposed. I don't feel weird about it.

Jess Gaertner: If that's, yeah, if that's

Laura Bruner: that, I mean, if I had the choice to go with Rusty or, or alone, I would go with Rusty every time, but we don't always have that choice, you know? So [00:54:00] yeah, I loved, I really enjoy like sitting and like, oh, I have like a nice glass of wine and a really nice meal or bring, you know, bring my book or like have lunch by myself.

Laura Bruner: I like eating alcoholic .

Jess Gaertner: Yeah. I mean, I can imagine it's whole experience. Yeah. It's like it's, especially with the kids and stuff, it's like my kids are a little bit older in terms of like, they don't necessarily need my attention at a restaurant. Like we can go and like enjoy each other's company. Mm-Hmm.

Jess Gaertner: And not that you can't with like smaller kiddos, but like. Yeah, I, I mean, it's like eating out sometimes depending on where you're at is a little bit more of a less of a relaxing thing when you've got kiddos and other people around. So yeah, when you can go and sit and just like. Yeah. B?

Laura Bruner: Heck yeah. Do it.

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Laura Bruner: Trust me, it's good. I, I, and that's another thing, like, talking about circling back to, like, the childhood. We don't, uh, my mom never sat down at dinnertime. Like, she was just constantly doing things for other people, fluttering around, you know, and it drove me out of my fucking mind. Like, shut down. We're having dinner as a, like, that was very, very important to me, and I've seen that trickle into Evie.

Laura Bruner: And so I have no qualms, like in the mornings, right, I make everyone breakfast and we're all in the kitchen, like Evie sits on the counter and listens to Harry and he's in her high chair, I'm making them food, and then it's like my turn to get my food going and eating, and I am like, and same thing with dinner, like once I sit down with my meal, if you finish what you're eating and you want more, absolutely I will get you more, but not until I'm done, like I am not gonna get up, I try to have like waters, everything's there, right.

Laura Bruner: And I'm fine doing that. I love it. I love preparing good food for my family. And like, but once we all sit down together, I'm not [00:57:00] going to get up to get you seconds until I have had an opportunity to like nourish my body. And I tell Indy that too, you know, like she had yesterday morning, for instance. They ate pretty quick and like I was just starting to eat my Whipped cottage cheese bowl that it's like my current obsession And she was she started asking for milk and I was like listen, sweetie Like I can't give you milk from my body unless I am properly nourishing myself And it's my turn to eat now.

Laura Bruner: I'm gonna take care of myself and I I say that probably on a daily basis at some point like When I'm working out, like, I am going to take this time, I know you need me right now, and I see that, or you want me right now, but I need to do this for myself, I need to take care of my body, so that, because, because I'm, I don't necessarily always say this, but like, you know, because I'm worthy of that, and also, if I don't take care of myself, I can't show up my best for you, so, just, and it's not from a martyr place, like, I'm not trying to be like, I have to do this for you, it's like, I, You know, this is important.

Laura Bruner: And I want to model that for them. So that all came from, and I also like to eat alone,

Jess Gaertner: [00:58:00] but good on you. I'm proud of you. I, I know that's hard. Like it's yeah. And it's you're doing it. And that's important. It's good teaching them also that like, you know, they, their priority, their needs are important, you know, as they get older and have people in their lives that they might, you know, kids or whatever partners, like, you know, We're just not yeah, you're modeling for them.

Jess Gaertner: That's great. I love it. Good job, Ben. Thanks Not that you know my thumbs up but like I'm gonna give it to you because you I'll take it. Oh Man What else anything else? Well, I don't know.

Laura Bruner: I feel like that's kind of a good place to to round I'm gonna try and get to the gym before the chaos cuz I actually have rusty home I've been doing a lot of workouts in my living room barefoot and you know It's serving me pretty well, and I feel like I'm able to push it home in ways that I didn't used to be able to do, so that's been good.

Laura Bruner: But today, I'm gonna go to the gym. Well, I'm coaching again too, which has been super fun. Just throwing some more stuff, like life [00:59:00] updates. I'm coaching Wednesday mornings at 9 o'clock, and um, there's childcare now. Which Indy's like, she'll stay in for about 40 percent of the class, and then just koala on my body while I coach.

Laura Bruner: But it's a cool community, no one cares. Yesterday I demoed back squats with her as my barbell. So, yeah, it's been, it's been really fun to get back into that and coaching again consistently. I'm really, I love our community there, so. And I'm getting more connected with like more mamas in the gym and that's been really fun and hoping to start actually taking at least one class a week because I just usually work out on my own.

Laura Bruner: But, you know, I started trying to take them Monday, nine o'clock, now that there's child care. Evie will be off to school, I'll show up like five minutes late with Indy, pop her in child care and, and hop in, so. It's good. It's good. Yeah, just feeling more and more at home here. And that feels good. Trying to convince my mother in law to...

Laura Bruner: end up out here too. So this visit with her was really

Jess Gaertner: great. I was gonna ask about that. It went well, like everything. It went really well

Laura Bruner: and it's so nice that she has her own space and you know like that's it's just [01:00:00]it's best for everybody. So she has her travel trailer, she comes and you know it's way more intensive time together when she's visiting for a week or two because we don't see her so much but like if she were to move here.

Laura Bruner: We wouldn't, you know, it wouldn't be like every single day, but having her help was amazing. The girls love her. Indy, you know, is really cool to see because we haven't seen her. She hasn't been out here for since not long after Rusty's surgery. And this go, like, the shift in Indy's huge. It's so obvious.

Laura Bruner: She's like, Grammy, like, so excited. This kid is talking like crazy. And so she, like, would cry when she would leave, like, it was very sweet. So, just, I think, I think it would be really good for the girls to have their Grammy locally. I think it'd be really good for a mother in law to be close to family versus alone out there.

Laura Bruner: So, we'll see. One day at a time. It was just really nice to have her here. That's

Jess Gaertner: awesome. I love that. I know. I mean, that's just like huge when the kids like really start to look forward to someone else besides you. I mean, not in like a negative way, but you know what [01:01:00] I mean? Like, Oh, totally. Yeah. And it's not like a traumatic thing.

Laura Bruner: Yes, exactly.

Jess Gaertner: That's

Laura Bruner: good. That's good. Cause I'm not, I, I to this day, like I will not leave the house. With my girls, with anyone, if they're like calling for me or crying or I just basically can't do it. So sometimes it takes a long time to get out of the house, but this time it didn't at all. She would be like, bye mama, like literally, bye mama.

Laura Bruner: Okay, see ya.

Jess Gaertner: Sweet, so sweet. Awesome. Cool. Well, thanks for all the updates. It's great. So great. I feel like it's a good, good stopping point. Yeah,

Laura Bruner: yeah. Thanks for listening, everyone. Yeah, and we love you and we'll chat at you next

Jess Gaertner: week Sounds good Catch you on the flip side. Okay, flip a lip Thanks for listening to

Laura Bruner: our podcast see

Jess Gaertner: you next time thanks for listening

Laura Bruner: to our podcast see you next [01:02:00] time.

Laura Bruner: Bye