MMP Ep 323: Forgive and Let Learn

MMP Ep 323: Forgive and Let Learn

Laura Bruner: [00:00:00] Hey friends! Can't wait till Wednesdays to get your Modern Mamas fix? Join us on Patreon. You can choose your tier and when you subscribe you'll get bonus content, early access to Retreat, first peeks at new swag, plus shoutouts and even real time monthly virtual hangs with

Jess Gaertner: us. Visit patreon. com forward slash Modern Mamas podcast to check it out and support the podcast.

Jess Gaertner: It truly means the world to us. We are so grateful for you and for this community.

Laura Bruner: Hi friends! Welcome to the Modern Mamas podcast. We are two modern mamas here to inspire, empowerment, self love, deep physical and spiritual nourishment, holistic health, open minds, and joy, no matter your journey or perspective. I'm Laura of Radical Roots. I'm a certified CrossFit trainer, certified nutrition consultant, and mama to Evie Wilder and Indie Bow.

Laura Bruner: I love outdoor adventure, good food, especially sourdough. [00:01:00] And

Jess Gaertner: mindful movement. And I'm Jess of Hold the Space Wellness. I am a level one CrossFit trainer, a licensed and certified athletic trainer with a master's in kinesiology, and Mama Tiberian Camille. I love food, trying new things, creating art, and being a perpetual learner.

Jess Gaertner: Please note that while we're here to provide advice and insights, we aren't medical practitioners, and always recommend that you check with a trusted provider before implementing any changes. Thanks for joining us. We're so happy you're here. Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the Modern Mamas

Laura Bruner: podcast. What are we doing?

Laura Bruner: Where

Jess Gaertner: are we? We're on earth currently, I think. Currently.

Laura Bruner: Yeah. I'm looking out the window. I see the Olympic mountains. I have the dishwasher going in the background and I'm sorry, I don't know why I started it, but hopefully you can't hear it. I can. Babies are sleeping. Okay, good. I spent, we were at the lake until like 7 p.

Laura Bruner: m. last night and it's just. I am like, I'm in a, I'm in a very good place. It's so interesting coming [00:02:00] here. It's such an awesome check in because there's some times that we get on the work board and I'm like, okay, here we go. Like what is even happening in my life. And right now I actually feel like very grounded and very in my body and like very aware and I feel so much less frantic and frenetic.

Laura Bruner: And that's, I think, what, five days of camping on an island.

Jess Gaertner: Will do. So, what you're saying is we all need to go camping for five days on an island. You need to like work,

Laura Bruner: work your ass off for a week or two to prep ahead of time so that you can actually dis, fully disconnect. For me, that's, that was very much worth it.

Laura Bruner: Fully disconnect. No social media. No CrossFit work. Nothing. I took some photos, but not even that many because I was like, I'm not gonna share the nuances of this trip. And it was like. Oh, it was so good. And I slept so well in the tent. We got a new air mattress and I came home. And this is interesting. I'm just gonna start verbally vomiting, but.

Laura Bruner: Go for it. So, slept well in the tent. I've been dealing with this, like, [00:03:00]intermittent left hip. I don't even want to say pain. It's like lockup, since I had Indy, basically. And it will just like, the only way I can move forward is by basically pigeon toeing my left foot and setting my hip joint in like that to make it work, otherwise it just like gives out.

Laura Bruner: So I've just been dealing with this, and like, it's not a problem when I work out, it's like in the morning and then sometimes in the evening and I just, I can't quite figure it out and I've had massages and like, it's definitely some low back tightness and some hip stuff. Anyways. Entire time I'm camping, doesn't happen.

Laura Bruner: And then I get home, the first morning when I wake up, totally locked up. And I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, Rusty, we need a new mattress, what's going on? And then I started to put the pieces together. When I'm at home, I prop myself up seated to nurse Indy to sleep every night. And I've had to do that since she was little because she doesn't stop moving.

Laura Bruner: So with Evie, I could just sideline nurse her and she'd fall asleep next to me. But Indy, like, I literally have to like swaddle her with my arms to get her just to like still her body, [00:04:00]because she's like me. And. I, and then so I was like, okay, I put, I'm trying to put the pieces together. So that day at nap, instead I like just kind of cuddled her in and sidelined her to sleep and then that night and then the next day and it's the, it's gone.

Laura Bruner: Wow.

Jess Gaertner: So after a year and to me again, like what, how, how is this affecting your hip? Like when you're propping

Laura Bruner: her? It must be just the way that I'm sitting in bed, like I kind of sit upright with my back against the wall, sometimes cross legged, sometimes legs outstretched, but there's something about that position of nursing her sitting up.

Laura Bruner: That, and it, I mean, sometimes lately, like nighttime, it's been taking her a long time. So we like sing and we jibber jabber and I nurse her and it could be like an hour of me sitting in that position and I think it's, you know, and so it's like, there's another magic piece. And I, we actually got a request in when I did like a call for topics from someone about like parenting and chronic pain.

Laura Bruner: Which I know you've dealt with more recently. I've had like instances [00:05:00] of, it is exponentially more difficult to be present and joyful and grounded. When you're hurting or discomfort or in some way hindered by your physical body. And so I think just like finally, cause I just didn't know when to expect it.

Laura Bruner: And it would just like come and it was super annoying. And it like made like hobbling around the house. And it made like the hardest part for me is that's the hip that I hold Indy on. And it was like really hard just to hold her. And I hated saying, Hey, sweetie, I like, I can't pick you up right now. Like my hips hurting, you know, she understands on some level, but not fully.

Laura Bruner: So anyways, just having. Some clarity there is like, ah, so nice, you know, because I can adjust it and go away and then it would come back and no wonder. 19 months of the same position every evening. So, yeah, so that's cool. And camping was amazing and Rusty is unexpectedly home right now. He texted me while we were camping.

Laura Bruner: He's like, so, we thought we had this whole week with him. Which is, I, like, reorganized my whole August of travel. [00:06:00] My dog's making noise, I think. Why is that? Weird. Sorry. And so, anyways, so that we'd have this week together and have another weekend with him. And then he texts me on the trip, he's like, Hey.

Laura Bruner: There was some weird logistical stuff, and like, our engine's back on the board, which means they could literally be dispatched any minute. So like, we like, we have to get home. I just want to see you for at least one evening before you leave again. And he is still here. So they haven't been dispatched. We are in the middle of this absolutely glorious heat wave that's like, it's like we were at the lake last night and it was 88, 90 degrees, which for me is my happy place if I'm next to a body of water.

Laura Bruner: It's not so hot that we're uncomfortable, but it's like, it's like, like magic. And so I'm just, you're right now you're talking to like a very, very happy person.

Jess Gaertner: Oh, I'm happy for you. I saw that, that y'all were getting a heat wave, like an unprecedented heat wave. We had one

Laura Bruner: like this last, this is pretty [00:07:00] normal, we get like

Jess Gaertner: two or...

Jess Gaertner: It's precedented? It's precedented,

Laura Bruner: yeah. At least the past three summers we've been here, it's like, there's like these pockets. It's usually get like one in June, one or two in July, and then these ones in like August and September are just my absolute bliss, because... Over the course of summer, the lakes warming up so now not only is it like 90 80 90 degrees out But like I can actually fully swim in the lake because I am not a super super cold water person And it's just we like we were out on the paddleboard yesterday and Indy stood up on the paddleboard for the first time Which was the cutest thing ever and then she just like dangling her feet over and he's like jumping off into the lake And it was just you know, it's it's that I packed dinners and I've gotten that dialed in now as summer's progressed and it's just like bringing that up with my friend Mariah and her two daughters that are really close in age to mine and just like cracked a hard kombucha and ate and just let the kids be and there's no cleanup, we get home, put them in the bath.

Laura Bruner: And yeah, it's just awesome. And Rusty is, because [00:08:00] it's of the heat, his days are longer. So he is working. He leaves the house at nine and he's at a station till eight, like 8. 15. So he gets home and then it's like kisses. He gets Evie down and I get Indy down. We've got a good rhythm going now for two days.

Laura Bruner: Then we leave on Friday for California for a week. So it's been a, it's been full, but I'm in a good, definitely in a good mental health spot right now, which

Jess Gaertner: is nice, you know? That's awesome. Well, tell us about the trip as much as you want to.

Laura Bruner: Yeah. I mean, it was, it was so lovely. I'm not sharing the campsite and my friend Emily and I have committed to that because we are planning to come back every single year, pick like the same week every summer and go together.

Laura Bruner: And I mean, you have to like get online, set an alarm at midnight. three months in advance and book it. And it's like, you know, it fills up so fast. So we're like, okay, let's just keep this close to our hearts. It's going to be our special place every summer. I mean, if you really wanted to find it, you could, but we went to Lopez Island, which is one of the San Juan Islands, which [00:09:00] just this like magical little cluster of islands up here on the peninsula.

Laura Bruner: So it's like, if we, if I climbed to the top of the closest, like Hill to me, I can look across the water and I can see them, but it's a journey to get there. It's like two ferry rides. So it's only two hours of driving total, but a lot of ferry time, which I love, especially with Indy, because it's like you drive for a little bit, you get out, you play on the beach while you wait for the ferry, you get on the ferry, you get off the, out of the car and like go out to the deck and.

Laura Bruner: You get to see these views and then sometimes I like have to pinch myself and I really have to pause and this trip helped me so much to pause and like soak in the place that we live and really like lean into the gratitude because it is so special and then another you know then we had a little chunk of time in between and we stopped at this co op and another beach and had a picnic lunch and then you So the whole trip out and back, long days, but like really enjoyable versus four or five hours just in the car with Indy, it's just, that would be hard.

Laura Bruner: And so, yeah, and so we get there and we get to our camp [00:10:00] and we're with our friends and it's just like overlooking the water and you know, it wasn't. I'm kind of glad that this heat wave came this week versus last, because camping in like super high heat, it's hard to escape. I mean, the water's there, you know, but it's not the same as a lake.

Laura Bruner: It's a beach and I prefer swimming in lakes. So anyways, brought the paddleboard. We would just like get up in the morning and make breakfast. But then there's also one of the days was really drizzly and like downtown Lopez Island is so sweet. And there's this little organic coffee shop with like locally baked organic pastries and really good coffee.

Laura Bruner: So one of the mornings. It was raining and our tent was a rock star. No, we didn't get wet at all or anything, but the girls both woke up pretty early. So we got in the car and we drove like, you know, five minutes and got into this coffee shop. Edie got a hot cocoa. I got a, a coffee with steamed cream and Indy got a little steamer and we each got, Edie and I each got one of these like really incredible.

Laura Bruner: Ginger molasses cookies from the bakery across the street [00:11:00] and we just sat there and like and we shared with India and we just dipped and it was so sweet watching her like dip watch us and then like dip our cookie into her steamer and eat it and it was that morning is a memory that I will cherish forever like sitting on the same one and we just ended up hanging out there for two hours there was like kids games we met some of the locals and we're just chatting you know and then came back and like by midday it cleared and You We're out on the paddleboard in the water and we went to this like really cool spit, which is up here there are these things called spits on the peninsula where it's like these giant long, long, long stretches of beach that like jut out into the, into the water into the sound, like the sea.

Laura Bruner: And so you can walk out onto them and the views are just amazing. It was just, it was so lovely that we've made dinners around the, you know, there's a burn ban so we couldn't have fires. I just made dinner at the campsite and a couple of the evenings we like sipped some dry farm wine and just talked and I had help because Emily and her husband Travis were both there with their two girls, you know, but having them two parents, [00:12:00] there were moments when I was just like, you know, like I, both girls needed something and they could help.

Laura Bruner: And so that was really great. Our girls, their daughter Claymont's is just a month and a half younger than Evie. And then their daughter Lenny is a year older, almost a year exactly older than Indy. And they are, you know, playing, and I'm seeing this, like, space where this summer, I think it was made that much more clear to me, like, Rusty's, we're planning on him continuing and becoming more, like, career wildland firefighter.

Laura Bruner: What, and exactly what path that looks, that takes, we'll see, but... I'm realizing this is, this will be, I mean, barring any super unexpected anything, like, probably the hardest it'll be with Indy, the age that she is. And so, thinking about coming back there next summer and like, Indy will be the age that Lennon is now, and that's just cool to think about, but then also just really...

Laura Bruner: Finding presence in this trip and and being there. It did take me the first 24 hours. I was still in like go mode. Like what are we going to do? Let's make a plan. I want to be, you know, whatever, whatever. And then the second [00:13:00] morning I was like, oh, and the second day I was just like, I don't care what we do, but I'm not going to rush.

Laura Bruner: And I'm going in like that moment eating the cookies with my girls. It was just like, I'm going to take every day as it goes. I don't need to get everything in. We know we're coming back here every summer. Just like, I just want to be. So one of the days, I spent the whole day at the campsite. I didn't leave except for into the evening when Emily and I went to this incredible bakery.

Laura Bruner: It's called Barn Owl Bakery and everything they bake is from Lopez Island grown organic grain. And they have like spelt and they sprout and it's sourdough and these like shortbread cookies that were unreal and sourdough crackers and stuff. So that was really fun to get to go there just us. Oh no. Tried to go just us.

Laura Bruner: Indy wouldn't stay with Travis, so Indy came with us, but it was sweet just watching her like walk around outside this like bakery in the middle of this farm. So just a very special experience and just really like slowed me down and had that quality time with our girl, with my girls, but then also, you know, we miss Rusty a lot.

Laura Bruner: [00:14:00] And so, and I, I know it's, it's affecting Evie and it's, it's hard for her. She's obsessed with her dad in the sweetest way and we're just learning to navigate this And again, like She'll continue to adapt and we cherish the time that we do get with him and it just makes it that much more special. So today we thought he was going to be dispatched, but he's home and it's his weekend.

Laura Bruner: It's Wednesday. So he's coaching right now, but when he gets home, we still have our nanny on Wednesdays for today and then one more. And so he's, she's been asking, asking, asking to go to the pool. And so he's going to take her to the pool. I'm not a big fan because it's an indoor pool and it's like so nice out that I really struggled to go.

Laura Bruner: And plus with both girls and. Anyway, so he's going to take her to the pool, and Russ and I are going to have a date this afternoon. And, yeah, and then tomorrow's Thursday, we're going to, as long as he's not, again, dispatched, it's always that caveat. Just imagine a permanent address at the end of every sentence I say.

Laura Bruner: Then we're going to do backyard sourdough pizza, and then the girls and I are off [00:15:00] on Friday morning to California. And we're going to go down to Santa Barbara for a party that my aunt is throwing for my sister, for all of us who couldn't make it out to Germany for her, like, beautiful wedding celebration.

Laura Bruner: And then I'm going to spend an evening with my friend Mariah, who's been on the podcast, and she, she came and talked about her, her twins, right? Her twins, yeah. And she now has a third since then, which is so fun because on the episode, she talked about like wanting to start that next chapter and, and we've known them for a long time.

Laura Bruner: So the girls and I are going to spend the night at their house one night on the way back from Santa Barbara and then a couple nights with my family and then with my friend, Nicole, who I've talked about plenty on the podcast, we're going to stay two nights with her in Santa Cruz. And then my friend, the barbers who've been on the podcast as well, we're going to hang out with them for an evening and then we'll be home.

Laura Bruner: The following Saturday, and then we have one week, Labor Day weekend, and then Evie starts her Montessori kindergarten, and she is so, so excited. And I'm in this interesting place, too, where it's, you know, I just mentioned, like, [00:16:00] summer, like, heatwave Laura is a very happy Laura, but also, end of summer means we're closer to having Rusty around more, so it's this new appreciation for fall.

Laura Bruner: That I've never had before outside of, you know, it's like my birthday month and that kind of thing and the good food and whatnot, but I'm always just like a little bit sad and so I'm just really. You know, it's something to look forward to and we're planning on a 10 year anniversary trip to Victoria and a trip down to Bend together because I ended up cancelling that this month because I just, eight hours solo with Indie.

Laura Bruner: I just, I think it would be too hard on us. And so, just a lot to squeeze in this month. So I look forward to fall and we're going to go down and stay with Emily and Travis probably. So just like there's a lot to look forward to and then also like really trying to embrace and cherish these last couple weeks and yeah Just feeling grateful in the midst of all of it and Sundays are really full and it's not like I'm [00:17:00] perfect I mean, it was like another just another evening last night where we got off the lake and everyone's bathed and he was just needing To emote she's in this really sweet stage right now where she's like having these existential moments that just like simultaneously break My heart and make it burst at the same time we're like driving home from the lake and she's like, she's being like a little sassy and she's not, she's a very, her soul is like very just kind and anyone who knows her can probably attest to like speak to that, but she's been like a little bit sassier lately and I'm sure it coincides with Rusty being gone a lot and also just growing up a little bit and like finding her voice, you know, like at the lake, I was like, you're being so sassy, you know, and, and so on the drive home, she's like, well, I don't know why I'm like this.

Laura Bruner: I don't know why I'm being sassy. Like it's, I think it's because I'm six. And then, then she's quiet for a little bit. I'm like, yeah, you know, it's, getting older's hard. There's a lot that changes, you know, and I'm just trying so hard to just like listen and not smile. And then, she's quiet again and a few minutes [00:18:00] later she's like, Getting older is hard and just like in this like angsty like this is so hard and I'm again just like trying so hard I'm like it is it's hard there's a lot of change you know and then oh my god it was the sweetest and she's like things were more fun when I was little and like less I'm like yeah I mean I hear you.

Jess Gaertner: What a sweetheart. Oh, it was so sweet. So yeah, I'm like kind of tearing up right now because I just adore her. But

Laura Bruner: yeah, it's and then, you know, we get home and then I think a lot of the feelings start to come out. So I'm like, it's one of the rest. He's like, text me. He's on his way home. But then in the midst of that, like, both girls are just having some field.

Laura Bruner: So I'm keeping them up a little too late so we can see him before You go to bed and just like have both of them and you'd be just like, I need snuggles and then Indy's

Jess Gaertner: like, hold you, hold you, hold you, like, okay, bring it in, you know, just, just a mom pile. Everyone, a mom pile. So,

Laura Bruner: and then to round it all out, another benefit, full circle of the side lie nursing now [00:19:00] is that I am falling asleep hard, like right along with her because I'm laying down.

Laura Bruner: And so, you know, I've passed like

Jess Gaertner: three nights in a row. I've been asleep before, before

Laura Bruner: 8 45, probably. So getting some good sleep, and I think that helps too, plus just like long days out in the sun and that kind of stuff also just helps to like wear us out. We're sleeping well, so.

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Laura Bruner: feel like that's the latest here. Life is pretty good.

Jess Gaertner: It seems like, yeah, it seems like you're in a good spot right now. I mean, compared to, not to actually compare, but just generally speaking,

Laura Bruner: I like [00:21:00] yeah, comparatively.

Laura Bruner: I think that's fair, like spring with Rusty's appendectomy and then the uncertainty around his work and then just navigating the early stretches of him being gone. It was a lot. And there were moments when I was like, Oh my God, I know I can do hard things, but this is hard. And now I'm feeling much less exhausted.

Laura Bruner: There was like, I feel like there was a three week stretch where anytime asked me how anytime anyone asked me how I was doing, I'm good. I'm also very tired. And I think that was more like mentally fatigued than anything else. And so now I just feel like I have a lot more. mental space.

Jess Gaertner: Well, it's like, I feel like with, with a lot of situations, like we learn to adapt, whether that's like physical adaptation or a mental adaptation, you know, adapt in ways that allow us to like function, you know, like, I don't know.

Jess Gaertner: It's like, You and I think the unknown is also part of some of that like mental fatigue because when you're first going into a new situation, [00:22:00] you're like, I don't know how this is gonna work out. And then you get some weeks under your belt and you're like, Okay, there's a rhythm to this somewhat, you know, you can kind of pick up pick up a rhythm or create one for yourself.

Jess Gaertner: And that, to me, at least always is. Makes things more like what's the word more doable more. Yeah, you're more able,

Laura Bruner: you know, totally. Yeah, it's that that's what makes me more tired than anything is I can run on little sleep, but it's like when I can't run on. Zero free headspace. Yeah, absolutely. And I finally feel like I got all the logistics ironed out for our trip to California.

Laura Bruner: Like I decided just to rent a car so I don't have to rely on anybody. It gives me space and autonomy from my family if I need it. It allows us to just take that trip down to Santa Barbara and back up at my own pace where I want to stop in San Luis Obispo. And I don't want to be beholden to like using like someone else's car and all of that.

Laura Bruner: And There's [00:23:00] some other stuff that's kind of happened that I just needed, I needed to have the freedom to be where I want, when I want with my girls and I found on anyone, if you haven't checked out the hopper app, I went on yesterday morning and I couldn't find a car for the week for under like 300 and then I took a break, I stepped back, I came back two hours later and I got one for 160 for seven days, which feels insane, but just to have that, I'm going to borrow the car seats that my mom has, but I just have And sometimes a little investment like that allows for, you know, I just don't, I don't want to, I don't know, because it's nice to have that

Jess Gaertner: freedom.

Jess Gaertner: It's like, yeah, that's just knowing that you'll be able to take a break whenever you need to for you and the

Laura Bruner: girls. Yes, exactly. And sometimes, you know, I think people listening probably can understand sometimes you just need some space. Some space and it's

Jess Gaertner: difficult. It's complicated. It's complicated.

Jess Gaertner: That's what I meant. That's the right word. It's

Laura Bruner: complicated. Yeah, like life. So yeah. [00:24:00] And so then I, you know, I can spend, I'm going to spend three days, three full days in Santa Cruz without worrying about like asking to borrow a car and what's that going to look like? It's just like, I'm just going to go.

Laura Bruner: And it's funny cause I was like a pro trustee, you know, I'm like, Hey, I think I'm going to rent a car. He's like, I think that you should. I was like, Oh, okay. Well, that was easy. So It'll be good just to have that, that space when needed and to get to bump around and spend time. And I really just want, it's funny, like we're gonna stay with my friend Mariah on the way back up from Santa Barbara.

Laura Bruner: And then I want to have as much time as I want in San Luis Obispo. It's such a special place to me. It's been on my mind all summer and now I get this like window I can spend as long as I want. I do all day Monday there, eat at my favorite spots and just like do it with my girls and do a little hike, you know, so it'll be nice.

Laura Bruner: And then prioritizing a date with my sister. I want to like a full start to finish recap over a glass of wine of her, her wedding and all that. And my mom said she'd watch the girls and her husband will be there too to watch the girls. And so, yeah, just really looking forward to some family time, [00:25:00] some California time.

Laura Bruner: The timing worked out beautifully too, cause it's like, we've got this again, glorious heat wave. And then when we leave, it's going to drop down to like the high sixties here and it's supposed to be like in the eighties in California where we're going to be. So Yeah.

Laura Bruner: Yeah, and then I've got a couple little camp trips to round out the summer locally. Of course you do. I know. And, you know, and I also have no qualms with potentially just I'm going to play it by ear.

Jess Gaertner: You know, if the weather's not

Laura Bruner: great, I'm going to, I'll probably cancel. It's like, I don't, in the beginning of the summer, I'm like camp, all the camping, you know, and I think I've already said here that my plan for next summer is like two to three Long stretch camps, camp outs versus like the single night.

Laura Bruner: Cause I don't know if I said it here, but like this trip really taught me that and I knew this inherently, right? I knew it, even if they're experiencing our adventures and camping. The first night's always the toughest. You're, you're getting all set up and then you're finding your rhythm and getting comfortable and the girls are getting used to [00:26:00] it.

Laura Bruner: And I did a lot of single night camping, which I love. But also it's, especially with Indian tone out, it's a lot of work to get everything set up and pulled down. And you know, but this time by night two, three, four, like we had found our rhythm. I had found my morning rhythm with my coffee and my flow and all that.

Laura Bruner: So I'm looking forward to like, again, like two to three longer stretch camping sessions next summer instead of these single nighters. So it means I got to like plan ahead, which is kind of hard, but I can do it. We'll do this Lopez Island one and then probably like one out Soul Duck, you know, maybe like out the coast up here and it should be lovely.

Laura Bruner: So with these ones I have booked, I've got actually three different single nights books to round out the summer. I might, two of them are pretty close by, so I might just keep the site and like spend a whole day and like do a campfire dinner and all that and just go home. And the other one is Soul Duck, it's out of these hot springs.

Laura Bruner: And I'm going to definitely do it as long as the weather's nice. So, stay tuned for more camping adventures from the Bruner girls. And then I have like a bunch of friends locally that I'm like, I always am like, Hey, if you want to join and that's always fun. My [00:27:00] friend Shannon is always down for camping and she's got two daughters that are the same age gap, but like she's like two to three years ahead.

Laura Bruner: And so it's really, Evie just adores her daughter, so, yeah, anyways, roundin out with some campin

Jess Gaertner: That's awesome. And you haven't seen, when was the last time you saw, you've seen Taz? Oh gosh, it's

Laura Bruner: been years. Hey, last summer. It's been a year. Oh, okay, okay. We, cause we stopped and saw them last summer. We drove down, we did a big drive down to California and we got to see them then.

Laura Bruner: So but it has, it's been a year. And so I'm really looking forward to going and seeing them and their little guy. It's crazy because he was just like brand new last summer. I feel like there has to be something in between because I met their itty bitty baby who's not so itty bitty anymore. Time is so

Jess Gaertner: weird.

Jess Gaertner: Time is. Yes. It's moving at a very strange pace lately. I feel like there was

Laura Bruner: something in between. I don't even know. I don't know. We've seen her because [00:28:00] we met, we met Rue and Rue was born around Christmas. So that there's... Did we go down there? I don't know. Oh, I saw her when we had our work retreat in February.

Laura Bruner: We were able to see that. Yes. Okay. That makes sense. I'm like, when were we done? Same with Nicole. I hadn't seen Nicole in so long and we just were able to see her briefly for Coffee, but I'm looking forward to it. So Nicole and I, I'm going to stay with her for two nights and The first night we're all gonna hang together and then the second night we have a sitter And so Nicole and I are gonna go out to my favorite We're gonna go get a glass of wine and then go to our my favorite restaurant Just the two of us and I am like just beyond

Jess Gaertner: giddy So for some reason I thought you were gonna say we're gonna go out to our favorite like dance class Oh, gosh.

Jess Gaertner: No. Yeah, girl. Get it. That is not my jam.

Laura Bruner: I like listening to music and dancing, but I need a lawn and

Jess Gaertner: sunshine. It's

Laura Bruner: gotta be before 5 p.

Jess Gaertner: m. Oh, that's [00:29:00] great. That sounds fun.

Laura Bruner: Yeah, it should be good. Anyways, I have just babbled. So I would love to hear the latest. Kids are back to school. What's going on in your

Jess Gaertner: world?

Jess Gaertner: Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Let me back it up. I'm literally rewinding my brain for a second. Oh, my gosh. Okay, kids are back to school. They started today is their third day and I will say as much as like I am sad and it still doesn't feel real but like they're back in school the kids were very ready like very very ready the night before like they were just they couldn't fall asleep they were like jacked the pits they were like just and bear especially was just like like just he was like he even said out loud he's like I I'm so excited.

Jess Gaertner: I can't even sleep. Like I, he was just, you know, energy levels high. So they went back to school and it's just been, it's just so. Special like our school so special. Both of the kids have been there since they were each [00:30:00] three. And so this is like a really safe place for them. And it's a safe place for us and our family.

Jess Gaertner: It's the beautiful part about one of the beautiful parts about their school. I've mentioned before, is that like They don't change teachers and classrooms every year. And so that, I think, especially for my younger one, Cammy, to not have that, like, turnover new, like, kind of adjustment every year, I think is really important for her.

Jess Gaertner: And so it's a lot of they're returning back. Both of them are not have not moved classrooms this year. So they're returning back to. their same teachers, their, a lot of their same friends, except for like a handful of kiddos that moved up to the next like elementary level or moved on to middle school, which, oh my gosh, just don't even get me started on that.

Jess Gaertner: But so returning back to their same kind of very comforting places, they are loved, they are like well nourished there in like every sense of the word. And so [00:31:00] while it was like, Bittersweet, like bear didn't even hug us goodbye again, where we gave him so much like flack when he, when we picked him up down at the first day, we're like, dude, you didn't even say goodbye.

Jess Gaertner: He just like ran out the door, like ran out the car door because we like pull up and drop him off. He was like, just out and gone where Kami, we kind of like hung around, like hoping bear would come back, like hang around, like talking to the teachers. Okay, we came back like several times and asked for more hugs.

Jess Gaertner: So it's just like, it's, it's such a sweet, bittersweet feeling, I would say at this point as they're both just really getting older and more independent. And also even Cammie, like she's always in the past been kind of like, I'm not too sure about school. Like I'm not too sure about like leaving home.

Jess Gaertner: She's very, I would say cautious in that respect. This year she was like, no, I'm excited about school. She like, we got her backpack, her lunchbox all packed up. She like had her clothes laid [00:32:00] out, but Just very, very excited. And, you know, it's just fun to watch them grow. It was like we had conversations this leading up to the first day at school and we were, you know, just talking about because we got their class list and there was some new kids going to be in their class, both of their classes.

Jess Gaertner: And it's just like really cool, like you were talking about Evie just growing up and like having some like more aware, deep, deeper thoughts, you know, like internal dialogue. And so we're talking about the new kids and, you know, just use it as an opportunity, like there are some new kiddos in your class, like what are you going to do on the first day of school when you meet someone new?

Jess Gaertner: Like. You're going to introduce yourself, you're going to, like, make them feel welcome, you know, and it's just opened up a lot of conversation about embracing differences and embracing new people and how do we welcome people into like our circle and it's just really cool, it's just really cool to have those conversations with them leading up to school and I'm just really proud of them, [00:33:00] I'm really proud of the kids that they're becoming and you know, how aware they are and how kind and loving they And like, it's just, I just love them so much.

Jess Gaertner: I just think they're the best. And so anyways, they're having, I can hear the

Laura Bruner: pride just like bursting from, from your body. It really is. I

Jess Gaertner: mean, it's like, I know, obviously every kid or every parent probably thinks that their kids are like the bee's knees and like the best ever. But it's like, I don't know.

Jess Gaertner: It's just like it makes being in this place where bears about like literally about to turn 10 on Saturday, Cammy just turned seven and like being able to kind of look back and reminisce slash relive some of those early like Just to be 100% frank, really challenging years for me of parenting small children and not knowing, like, is, is anything I'm saying, they [00:34:00] think I'm saying getting through to these kids, is anything I'm showing them, are they, are they actually like internalizing any of this, you know, in the middle of like toddler meltdowns and like, you know, behaviors that I'm just like, what?

Jess Gaertner: I never taught you this. And of course, that's still gonna happen and still does happen. But in those moments where you see them like growing and and maturing and saying like things that you're like, Oh my gosh, I had said that I literally said that years ago. And they're now those words are coming out of my kids now in a really positive way.

Jess Gaertner: It's just it's almost like a deep breath. Like, Okay, like, I am doing a good job. I'm doing we're doing an okay job. And so that's really, really really helpful and nourishing and kind of gets me through the inevitable hard moments too. So anyways, kids are back to school. Soccer's in full go. Cammy's going to start volleyball in September and back to Girl Scouts, which [00:35:00] she is just, she's been loving.

Jess Gaertner: We took, we're taking a break from cooking classes right now because they're also on Saturdays and just. Kind of difficult to get to and also just I think that's us intentionally kind of trying to pare down the Like responsibilities and obligations that we have as a family going into this like really what can be like a really busy Like just overwhelming season.

Jess Gaertner: And so we're I'm feeling good. I'm feeling really good I wanted to we had like a a moment last night where And I want to share this because like, I'm so proud of Tim. I, I freaking love this man. Like, and I know again, probably a lot of wives say that about their partners, but last night, so we've been talking with Bear because he's on a select soccer team this year.

Jess Gaertner: So it's more competitive, you know, it's, it's like, there's more expectations of them. And he want, he wanted to do this, but like, I know now knowing, like, it's been a few [00:36:00]weeks, I think he's realizing Oh, this is like a different level of play. And so last night And we were kind of, you know, just doing the things that parents do during bedtime routine where we're like, okay, we've told you five times.

Jess Gaertner: It's time to brush your teeth. Like we're already 20 minutes past bedtime. I mean, I don't know why it takes our kids literally 20 minutes to brush their teeth, but every single night it's like the same, like kind of song and dance for us. Yeah. And just like, okay. And like, I'm sure one of us said, yeah.

Jess Gaertner: Okay, we've asked you five times already, like you're not, you're not listening to us. Please listen. And so anyways, we're, you know, saying good, we finally get him into bed and we're saying good night and there's, you know, kind of, kind of like what Evie did as well, like just reminiscing, I think about his day and he was like, you know, mama at soccer today.

Jess Gaertner: Like, I really feel like I wasn't listening and he was like, I wasn't listening [00:37:00]today either at night. He's like, I don't know why I'm having a hard time like listening. And I can tell it's like really kind of like eating him alive. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, I don't know what to say, because I'm like, I don't know, I just didn't have any words and I guess Tim was listening to and I was not going to say this at all.

Jess Gaertner: I was not going to be near as helpful or wise or anything. He comes up and he's like, you know, we do in those instances, but where we think about the day, the day and what we should have done and what we could have done better, she was like, you know, we do two things, he said, we number one, we forgive ourselves.

Jess Gaertner: And number two, we try again tomorrow to do better. And that was all Tim said. And you could see Bear, like, take this deep breath, like, Oh, like, we forgive ourselves. And then we just try again tomorrow. And then Tim was like, you know, mama and dad don't have to do that all the time. And he's like, we're, we're old.

Jess Gaertner: He's like, we still have to forgive ourselves when we make, when we don't make good choices or we don't do [00:38:00] what we wanted to do. And then we just try again the next day. And I just like looked at Tim and I swear I was like, I have never loved you more than in this moment hearing that was, um, like imparted to our son and just seeing like how it changed Bear's like energy and how he just relaxed.

Jess Gaertner: I was just anyways, I wanted to share that because also like I feel like so we can. Like, I needed to hear that, right? Like, Tim was talking to Bear, but he was also talking to, like, all of us. And so, anyways, wisdom. Forgive yourself, forgive yourself, and then try again tomorrow. Hey there, friends! Pausing this episode to share a bit about our wonderful friend, Brianna White, a fantastic real estate agent based in Bend, Oregon.

Jess Gaertner: She's also a wife, mama, and a member of this awesome Modern Mamas podcast community.

Laura Bruner: She has a super unique approach to real estate, which includes using her mobile Airstream bar for open houses and

Jess Gaertner: housewarming parties. [00:39:00] And she offers a complimentary family photo shoot for her clients in their new home, and then presents them with a beautiful coffee table book to cherish this major life milestone.

Jess Gaertner: I wish I had that when I moved into my home, seriously. So cool.

Laura Bruner: So if you're in Bend and looking for a real estate agent who truly understands the needs of a modern family, connect with our amazing sponsor. She's the perfect partner to help you find or sell your

Jess Gaertner: dream home. Even if you're not in Bend, Oregon, our fantastic sponsor Brianna can still help with your real estate needs.

Laura Bruner: That's right. Brianna has access to top real estate agents all over the country, and she's more than happy to help you find the perfect agent for your needs, no matter where you are now or where you're looking

Jess Gaertner: to move. She does the legwork for you, interviewing agents in your area or your desired location and then making a personal introduction to ensure you're working with someone who truly understands your needs and preferences.

Laura Bruner: It's like having a personal real estate matchmaker. So whether you're in Bend or anywhere else in the country, don't hesitate to reach out to Brianna. Let someone else do the searching when it comes to finding a great real estate agent. You deserve the best and Brianna will help make that [00:40:00] happen.

Laura Bruner: Supporting our sponsor can be as simple as following her on Instagram at Brianna Sells Bend. That's at B R E A N A Sells Bend, where you'll find great content, education, gorgeous homes, and family adventures. I'm sure you will connect with her just like we

Jess Gaertner: have. Thank you, friends, for supporting our podcast by considering our sponsor, Brianna, for your real estate needs.

Jess Gaertner: Check her out at BriannaSellsBend. kw. com. That's B R E A N N A SellsBend. kw. com. Brought to you by Brianna White, broker with Keller Williams Realty, Central Oregon, Equal Housing Opportunity. Now, let's dive back into our episode.

Laura Bruner: Evie will be like, I don't, you know, like, I don't know why I did that or I said that or I did the thing.

Laura Bruner: And I'll typically say, like, The why isn't as important as like using it as a chance to learn and do better, but I really like the adding in like the forgive yourself and move on, you know, we make mistakes and it's a part of life and that's how we learn, you know, [00:41:00] it's what a cool opportunity. Yeah,

Jess Gaertner: go Tim.

Jess Gaertner: I know. I was like, man, you nailed that. I know

Jess Gaertner: why you do that either, but you could do better. Like, I was gonna be. A very much more lame attempt to try and help them feel better. So anyways, I, I take that if it resonates with you and hold it in your heart for anyone listening, hold it in your heart for the next time your kids have a moment like that because inevitably they will.

Jess Gaertner: And so maybe, maybe it'll be helpful, but anyways, so things are going good. It's been weird without the kids home because it's been months of like constant noise and mess and, you know, cramming a lot into a little bit of time. And. That I will say that is really nice just to have some space to like think because that has not been the case all summer.

Jess Gaertner: And so just now kind of stepping into seeing what these new rhythms are, you know, Tim's I've been my photography, my food photography business is growing, which is great. [00:42:00]I just signed another contract for a blogger client starting in September, which is great. But also it's like, I don't know what my capacity is and what that looks like with the kids in school and.

Jess Gaertner: So it's a lot of kind of experimenting like how to continue to do this work that is really supporting us, but also like it's creative. It's like I can't like getting burnout is like probably the worst thing that could happen to me like doing too much. And so just finding that balance, that's been good.

Jess Gaertner: And let's see, let's see what else, what else, what else I did end up. So I am, I think I'd mentioned, I was trying to earn a beauty countertrip over the last couple of months and I did end up earning it. So by the grace of God, I'm going to BAMF in October, which I'm just like, so excited about, however. You know, it's wonderful.

Jess Gaertner: These beauty counter trips. I haven't been on one in a really, really long time. And once you get there, it's like, it's just so [00:43:00] much fun. Like you're taking care of food and lodging and just the whole experience. But getting to Canada right now in the like kind of financial, the financial mindfulness position that we're in.

Jess Gaertner: Is going to be rather difficult, so I have not bought a plane ticket, and I'm really just trying to be creative on ways on how to get there, because it's, it's like, it's not even just Canada, it's like, into Canada, like, very north, apparently. Yeah, that's a trek. It's a trek. It's a really big trek. And that's

Laura Bruner: talking to someone who can walk to the ferry, walk on the ferry, and be in Canada in 90 minutes.

Laura Bruner: Right. That still, that still would feel like a trek. And you're like south of the country.

Jess Gaertner: I know. I'm like closer to Mexico. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's gonna be, it's gonna be a trek. The plane tickets are not cheap. I can only imagine. And so I'm just praying about it right now and just trying to figure out what's.

Jess Gaertner: What if you

Laura Bruner: fly here? And [00:44:00] then walk on the ferry and then I bet travel from in within Canada would be easier and then we can coincide it with a little podcast work time before you go just to, you know, you don't have to be home for a month at a time. It's fine.

Jess Gaertner: Well, I'm dropping that. I did look at flight to Seattle because I was like, okay, what if I, what if I just get like a one way to Seattle and then try and find something that's like cheaper from Seattle to like, it's Calgary is their airport that I'm flying it to.

Jess Gaertner: And it like, isn't, it's like not cheaper, but

Laura Bruner: I, well, I do wonder what, how far is Victoria to BAM because Yeah, look. Okay. There's a flight from Victoria to Banff for 52. Okay. And that's right across the... Right across. And so here's, so here's everyone, here's what our plan is going to be. You get, you fly [00:45:00] to Seattle, hop on the ferry, the train, which is what my friend Kelsey did when she visited me.

Laura Bruner: I meet you in Bainbridge. Okay. We have a little work retreat. I drive you here. Okay. You hop on the ferry and you take a 52 flight to Banff. Aww. And then it's a podcast work retreat too.

Jess Gaertner: I, I like where your brain's at. Okay.

Laura Bruner: I'm gonna box this out. Okay. You guys, so, I just need to pause for a moment. There's this deer that lives in our neighborhood.

Laura Bruner: And it's a mama, and it has three legs. And she is a badass. I don't know what happened, but right now she's just crossed in, I see her like twice a week. She just walked right in front of me. She's got two tiny little babies walking behind her. So this mom, three legged deer, gave birth to two babies and is now raising them in my neighborhood.

Laura Bruner: And they're so freaking cute. So if you, you know, talk about

Jess Gaertner: grit. Oh my gosh, man, I mean, life is hard, but I could be a single mother, three legged mom to twin. [00:46:00]

Laura Bruner: And with that. You're coming here. We're going to have a work retreat in

Jess Gaertner: October. When's Banff again? It's the beginning. So Banff is the 29th through the 2nd.

Jess Gaertner: The 29th of September? The 29th of September through the 2nd of October. So it's really soon. So that would be my only, like, concern is like, could we actually make that all work? We could.

Laura Bruner: Okay. I mean, Rusty will, yeah, let's, let's chat about it. I really feel like we could. Could we keep talking about this work retreat so we could just do it?

Laura Bruner: My friend Mikayla can take photos. I mean, we can make this happen. Okay. All right.

Jess Gaertner: Cool. All right. That, let's, let's talk about it. Okay. Uh,

Laura Bruner: you guys got to hear our, our, this is how things happen with us. If you wanted a sneak peek into how the past six years have been. It's

Jess Gaertner: a little bit spontaneous. But it's great.

Jess Gaertner: It's all worked out. So I mean, yeah, I guess I'm going to BAMF for sure. Then one way or another, it's going to be, I'm really excited about it. I think I've mentioned before, it hasn't really been a like travel heavy [00:47:00] adventure full year for the Gertners. And you know, it's, it's really, I felt so bad because the kids all knew that I was like trying to it.

Jess Gaertner: To go for this trip. And then when I told I was like, I got the trip to Canada. They're like so excited. They're like, we can't wait to go. It's gonna be so great. I was like, actually, I've been the only one going. So it's kind of like a womp womp womp. I really wish a couple of people are like kind of tacking on like family vacations like to the front or back of it.

Jess Gaertner: I really wish we could take them, but it's just not currently in the cards and they don't have passports yet. So um, We got to work on that as well. But anyways, I'm just excited to, Banff is like on my bucket list of places to travel. So I'm excited. That will be fun. That's coming up soon. Trying to think anything else big.

Jess Gaertner: I mentioned like food photography is going well. Gosh, I feel like there was something huge that I was thinking about chatting about before we got on. Oh, no. And all [00:48:00]in all, I've had lots of people kind of reach out and check back in on just how things are going. And, you know, we're still in kind of like a survival mode over here in the Gertner household.

Jess Gaertner: But I am just like really, really trying to, I post about this on Instagram, just find joy. Like even like my, the question I ask myself constantly is like, can you find joy When things are challenging and difficult, I think that's kind of like the challenge of my life is like, it's really easy to be like, life is great.

Jess Gaertner: Everything's going good. I mean, the last couple of years has just been really smooth for us as a family, for the most part. And I'm reflecting back and like, it was so easy to be happy, you know, and happy So a friend told me, like, being happy is not the same thing as, like, being joyful. Like, one is kind of, like, to me, like, conditional on your circumstances.

Jess Gaertner: Oh gosh, someone's gonna knock on the door and our dogs are gonna bark. And joyful is this, like, yep, [00:49:00] admit we have access to... Like, regardless of circumstances, at least in my mind, that's the way that I think about it. And so the question I just keep asking myself, because this summer, I will admit, like, I just had a bad attitude.

Jess Gaertner: I had a not, not a great attitude. Like, I know a lot of my, like, internal self talk was like, This is hard. Why? Why? Why is this happening? Why are things so difficult? Why am I so tired? You know, and there was a lot of circumstances that fed into that. It's like, you know, back pain and not being able to move and just a lot being asked of me.

Jess Gaertner: And I just realized, like, Jess, like, this is life. Like, there are gonna be life is not always great and perfect. And like. All your needs are not always going to be met 100% and there's not always going to be like this overabundance of like fun and an activity and what are, what are you going to do? Like, if this is my internal talk to myself, I was just like, it was kind of like my get yourself up out of the gutter [00:50:00] chat because again, it's like those feelings are fine and it's fine to be sad and it's fine to be like, this is hard, but I was like really

Laura Bruner: living there

Jess Gaertner: for, to me, like an unhealthy amount of time.

Jess Gaertner: And so just lately, the mental talk to myself has just been around, like, can you still find joy right now? Like, where can you express gratitude for what you, because the reality of the situation is, like, even though things are hard, I, we're still, my basic needs are still taken care of. My kids are happy and healthy.

Jess Gaertner: So are Tim and I, like, there's, there's not a lot, you know, for us to not be grateful for, and so that's kind of like where, where I've been sitting in right now and, you know, feeling good physically, which also I think is playing such a huge, huge part in my ability to kind of handle the challenges that, like, are coming, and so, like, just been consistent as [00:51:00] hell, you know.

Jess Gaertner: Like with my like rehab and chiropractic care and getting up early, which hasn't, hasn't always been easy. And again, like based on your season of life as a parent or whatever you've got going on, like sometimes getting up, it's just like not possible, but for us in this season it is possible. And so been getting up, been working out, been walking in the mornings, like on the days that I'm not working out, been having some alone time and just like my back is feeling It's not perfect and there are days where I'm trying things where I'm like, I don't think we're ready for that.

Jess Gaertner: I'll just table that for now. But there are a lot of days where I'm like, ooh, that was something I wasn't able to do months ago and now I'm doing it and now I'm feeling good. And like, even with all the photography work, which has in the past been triggering for my back because there's a lot of like bending and crunching and Just carrying a heavy camera at the end of like a long lever of my arms, like just a lot of things that can really [00:52:00] like trigger some pain I've been able to handle pretty well right now.

Jess Gaertner: So that's really been encouraging. And I'm just going to continue to do that because it's like Those cornerstone habits, the movement, and even like the food, just like nourishing my body as intentionally as I possibly can. I feel like those anchor me in a much better way. So that's been good. Most of the main things, oh, someone asked me about, I had shared that I think I'm like 235 days sober.

Jess Gaertner: We went on our beauty countertrip to Charlotte. And I didn't drink, which was a huge accomplishment because even while I was there, I was having a conversation with Tim, like, I think I might, I think I might drink at the party. Like, I think I might have a drink and no one ever pressured me or anything like that.

Jess Gaertner: It was just like this kind of Feeling that I later uncovered, like I'm in a social situation in which I know a lot of these people, but I don't know everyone and I want to be like funny, [00:53:00] like happy, just, and I, and I found myself thinking like, if you have a drink, it'll be much easier for you to be funny, just, and people will like you more dance moves will be better.

Jess Gaertner: And so it's like this internal dialogue. And at the end of the day, Tim was like, if you want to have a drink. And you feel like this is what you want to do, like have one. And that's been my mindset through this whole kind of experiment as well. But I was like, you know, I'm just going to go, I'm going to see how it goes.

Jess Gaertner: When I actually ran into Allie, who is your beauty counter mentor. Right when I got to the

Laura Bruner: party, that was probably fitting because I know she's like, totally. Yeah, because it really impacts her

Jess Gaertner: anxiety. Yes. And so I ran into her and we just started talking about it. She was like, yeah, I'm sober. This is what happened.

Jess Gaertner: And she's going to come on the podcast later this year, hopefully to kind of share like her experience. And it just gave me encouragement because I was like, okay, we're, we're here, we're at this event, we both kind of have a little bit of like social anxiety, I think, and she's doing it [00:54:00] and like, dang it, I'm, I can do it too.

Jess Gaertner: And so we had a really lovely conversation and it really encouraged me and I ended up having a blast and didn't have a single drink, danced the night away. Still was fun. It was like, it was like the story got broken down. The story that I tell myself that like when you drink, you're a funner, you're more fun, Jess, like you're fun, Jess.

Jess Gaertner: And I was able to kind of like actually like kind of put that story to rest. Like I'm still fun without alcohol. So check that off the list.

Laura Bruner: 100% fun without

Jess Gaertner: alcohol. I know, and it's like, it's just one of those things, again, it's like a story that I think I've told myself for a really long time. But I got someone who messaged me, I had shared that I was 235 days sober from alcohol, and they were like, I just like, I had listened to the podcast, like I just want to know more, if you're willing to share, like, why?

Jess Gaertner: You know, even as a mom, like, I feel like, I, I think, I can't remember her exact words, but I feel like I need it, and then, like, [00:55:00] I need it, but I don't need it, like, it's this weird, you know, place, and I just, Again, like this was such a personal decision and it's multifaceted and I have no judgment whatsoever on someone who drinks at all.

Jess Gaertner: I mean, all my friends were pretty much, actually, there was a handful of us who weren't drinking at the beauty counter event, but a lot of my friends were. It's, it's, it's literally just my personal decision, but I shared with her like, A, Again, if you need a refresher, like why I'm doing this, my family, we have both sides, Tim and I, we have a family history of alcoholism that has severely affected both of our lives and pretty much the most of our lives.

Jess Gaertner: The, the, the most negative way that you can imagine. And so that is something that we're both highly aware of. Number two, I have, I do have an addictive personality and while it's probably not alcohol for me that I rely on, there are other things in my life that I feel like where that addictive personality plays out.

Jess Gaertner: And I just feel like the alcohol, like regular consumption of that kind of [00:56:00]makes it a little bit worse in other areas of my life. Two, I've noticed that, this is like a very condensed version of my story. I'm sure I'll share more, especially if we had Ali on, but notice that when I do drink, when I was drinking with my like, whoop, my health tracker, all my health markers, even with one drink were taking a hit.

Jess Gaertner: And so I know that even if I don't feel necessarily impacted in a big way, like my body was. And then three, I felt like, for me, it was creeping into that, like, this is a coping mechanism for me, and I wanted to challenge myself to develop different ways of coping with stress and anxiety that I felt would be, like, more productive for me, and I'll be 100% honest, taking away the crutch for me of alcohol Was a really hard transition because then you're dealing with a lot of feelings that you don't necessarily have a replacement Coping mechanism for [00:57:00] yet.

Jess Gaertner: And so that transition was pretty difficult for me And then last but not least I just like to challenge myself sometimes to do hard things It's like last year It was like I heard a half marathon before I turned 39 and it was like one of those things where I just wanted to see if mentally and physically I could do it and This is one of those things too.

Jess Gaertner: It's like I just want to see who knows what will happen after this like year, if I'll drink like socially or occasionally or, you know, whenever, but I like to challenge myself. And so I want to see if I can do it. And part of me is like very stubborn in terms of like, I set this goal and I told people and I am accountable to this goal that I set and I'm going to do it.

Jess Gaertner: Dang it. So that's kind of my, like, short, very short version of the why, but I shared that with her too. So if, you know, if that's helpful for anyone and it resonates, great. If not, like, you do you, friend. However, I did see in the news today, I was going to share this on my [00:58:00]Instagram. There is a study coming out that, about women and the rise of alcoholism in women.

Jess Gaertner: It's very interesting. I want to actually go read the study before I share too much more about it. But it was saying that historically, men, like the rates of alcoholism in men are like way higher than with women. And what they're saying is that like the gap between those two is closing like quickly. And so it's just interesting.

Jess Gaertner: I want to share that just to kind of like, it's not saying that anyone here listening. Does struggle with like alcoholism, but you know, it's like I think it's one of those things that's like a slow creeping thing for some people. And so it's just something that I'm I'm personally mindful of given given our family history and I'm intrigued whenever new statistics come out because I feel like it's telling of like kind of like a greater societal shift.

Laura Bruner: I wonder how much of that is, you know, trickle down from the COVID nightmare. And then for that so much that so much of the burden of that fell on moms. I'm not saying that's [00:59:00] the rule, but it was the general norm. And in case anyone's curious, just like a quick share on how I approach it in the season of my life.

Laura Bruner: And there's been seasons where I've had way more. And again, seven, like I'm a celebratory social sipper. I. Also have alcoholism in my family and I am so hyper aware of when I'm having a hard day, a rough day, an anxious day, I won't touch it. And that's been a rule for me for a long time. I'm not like, Oh, hard day, reach for wine.

Laura Bruner: I'm like, Oh, with friends, like that kind of thing. So I'm grateful for that in general. But I've just kind of said a new thing where it's like, it's not, and it's, it's not even something I have to really think about often anymore. It's like once or twice a week, never, ever more than two. So if I like share a bottle of wine with a over the course of like multiple hours, that ends up being two glasses of wine.

Laura Bruner: I will never reach for a third anything. And typically it's just one because I love the experience. I love the taste. I love the social component of it. It does it literally, it used to like over COVID. I think we talked about this. I'd like have a cider or something almost every evening while I made [01:00:00] dinner.

Laura Bruner: And now it literally doesn't cross my mind to open anything at home. I never open anything at home. It's just out. It's like at the lake, you know, yesterday I opened a hard kombucha. It's just a sip on something like that. But also I've been drinking so many like mocktails and just regular kombucha and I don't know.

Laura Bruner: It's, I think I'm in like the best place of my adult life with it and it feels good and you've been inspiring too. And a lot of our friends have been more vocal about it. It's just something to be, and again, without judgment, it's just something to be aware of. Like the, why are you reaching for it and why it always comes down to why for the way that we eat and the way that we live and the way that we connect and communicate and care for ourselves.

Laura Bruner: It's like what fitness, all of it, like what's your why, you know? And these, everything can be too much. And it's just a matter of like re checking in, I guess.

Jess Gaertner: Absolutely. And for you,

Laura Bruner: you're good with like the, the full abstinence, like the full, you know, none. And as we've discussed, that doesn't work for me.

Laura Bruner: So, yeah, I just, I'm super grateful that you've shared your journey here. I think it's really cool. I [01:01:00] think, I imagine, I can't speak for everyone listening, but I imagine some people, it's at least created space for like pause. Yeah.

Jess Gaertner: And I think that's all, in sharing this, it's always ever just to, like, like create an opportunity to think about.

Jess Gaertner: Or challenge or, you know, just ponder like your own feelings about something. It's like when I share some, the way I'm dealing with something or my particular life circumstances and how I'm responding, I hope is that again, there's no shame or judgment. It's always just like, Hmm, how do I feel about that?

Jess Gaertner: Like, or how would I respond to that situation? Or, you know, where in my life is this showing up for me and how does it look similar or different? Like I just truly like, that's the goal. That's the only goal. I'm never going to tell anyone what they should be doing. Because that's not my jam, but you know, that's been a theme of the podcast since inception.

Jess Gaertner: Yeah. We're sharing our journeys. We're not telling

Laura Bruner: you how to live

Jess Gaertner: yours. Absolutely. 100%. So anyways, I feel like that's a good wrap up. I feel like Rusty [01:02:00] just

Laura Bruner: walked in from coaching. I am going to get ready to go have some work time and some fitness time and make some breakfast. It's a good day. It's a good day.

Laura Bruner: Good day. Going to be a good day. Good day to have a good day.

Jess Gaertner: All right, friend. Thanks for, thanks for everyone for tuning in. I'm so good to catch up with you. I love you. I love you. Yeah,

Laura Bruner: and what's that next week. Okay, bye bye.

Jess Gaertner: Thanks for listening to our podcast. See you next time. Bye.[01:03:00]