MMP Ep 324: Personal Growth

MMP Ep 324: Personal Growth

Laura Bruner: [00:00:00] Hey friends! Can't wait till Wednesdays to get your Modern Mamas fix? Join us on Patreon. You can choose your tier and when you subscribe you'll get bonus content, early access to Retreat, first peeks at new swag, plus shoutouts and even real time monthly virtual hangs with us. Visit

Jess Gaertner: patreon. com forward slash Modern Mamas podcast to check it out and support the podcast.

Jess Gaertner: It truly means the world to us. We are so grateful for you and for this community.

Laura Bruner: Hi friends! Welcome to the Modern Mamas podcast. We are two modern mamas here to inspire, empowerment, self love, deep physical and spiritual nourishment, holistic health, open minds, and joy, no matter your journey or perspective. I'm Laura of Radical Roots. I'm a certified CrossFit trainer, certified nutrition consultant, and mama to Evie Wilder and Indie Bow.

Laura Bruner: I love outdoor adventure, good food, especially sourdough. [00:01:00] And mindful

Jess Gaertner: movement. And I'm Jess of Hold the Space Wellness. I am a level one CrossFit trainer, a licensed and certified athletic trainer with a master's in kinesiology, and Mama Tiberian Camille. I love food, trying new things, creating art, and being a perpetual learner.

Jess Gaertner: Please note that while we're here to provide advice and insights, we aren't medical practitioners, and always recommend that you check with a trusted provider before implementing any changes. Thanks for joining us. We're so happy you're here. Good morning and welcome to another episode of the Modern Mamas podcast.

Laura Bruner: It's us.

Jess Gaertner: We're here.

Laura Bruner: We're here and it feels, I feel excited to like catch up and chat with y'all and chat with you. It feels like it's been a while even though we did just record a Patreon when I was in California. Yes. That feels like yesterday and like two months ago.

Jess Gaertner: Time, what is time? I don't even know.

Jess Gaertner: What is

Laura Bruner: time? We do have something very exciting to share that just looked up right before we hopped on. If you listened [00:02:00] last week, you know that we were waiting, and I'm gonna let you do the

Jess Gaertner: honors. Oh, oh my goodness. Guess what, y'all? We just hit... A million downloads for the podcast, which is

Laura Bruner: a million bananas.

Laura Bruner: I wish we had some

Jess Gaertner: like horns like we could like play in the

Laura Bruner: background or my dishwasher just did something weird. So that can

Jess Gaertner: count. The dishwasher is celebrating with us. But no, I mean, honestly, golly, I mean, and I feel like we were like coming up to it quickly. No, I feel like we're coming to it slowly.

Laura Bruner: Yeah, I thought you were inching and inching and inching.

Jess Gaertner: And then all of a sudden. We're not only at a million, we're like, almost 10, 000 over a million, which is just shi Like! That's so cool. We gotta do something. I feel like, I don't know, I feel like we need to celebrate. Like

Laura Bruner: we gotta have an idea because I know both of our brains are pretty tired.

Laura Bruner: So if you have an idea for us, let us have it. I'm just,

Jess Gaertner: I think like we need to shout out from the rooftops because, [00:03:00] okay, and like I've seen statistics before about podcasts. I think I've shared them a little bit here before, but like, it's like bananas. I keep saying bananas. It's, it's wild. Wild will be a new word.

Jess Gaertner: It's wild how many people start and don't stick with podcasts just in general, and we have been doing it for, wait, so it'll be

Laura Bruner: seven years in June, next June, right? So about, almost six and a half, yeah. Six and a half years. And that is just,

Jess Gaertner: gosh, I mean, I'm just like super proud of us. It's like, it's a consistency thing.

Jess Gaertner: And I sticking with the podcast, like, I don't know, I feel like that consistency and that dedication has definitely leaked over into other parts of my life's life and the best way. And I don't, the podcast just anchors me a lot when my head is like spinning.

Laura Bruner: A hundred percent. We've talked multiple times about how it's like such a cathartic space for us to share and release and process.

Laura Bruner: I feel like this podcast [00:04:00] in so many ways from the experts I've gotten to learn from to just the place to process and talk through things that are going on in my brain has made me a better mom. Truly. And someone shared last week in stories and it like, it actually brought some tears to my eyes because It wasn't like a typical, and these shares are also incredibly fulfilling and emotional for me, but it was like, it had me like, perceive her comment in a different way, just a new take on the podcast, because instead of saying like, best podcast ever, talking to my best friends, which all of that is truth and makes my heart so happy, it was like, These, these two keep me like reflecting on motherhood and like looking, I think it was like looking at motherhood from a different perspective.

Laura Bruner: And I just, I love that because we aren't here showing up as like experts on anything, but that would be my goal. I feel like that's why I show up in this. Space on social media. It's not, it's just to get people to like continue questioning and reflecting and seeking growth and like taking on new perspectives and new ways of looking at even just the simplest things and like the simplest [00:05:00] moments.

Laura Bruner: So I don't know exactly what we said that helped with that, but that was just, that was a cool moment for me to see that. Yeah,

Jess Gaertner: it's, it is. It's wild. And it's. The more I think about it, like, I don't ever, like, I don't ever think about, like, when will we be done with the podcast, like, I know that, like, we'll keep going until it no longer, like, feels aligned, and that could be, like, it's just bananas, because it's like, you started when Evie, before Ida was born, and now she's almost, she's six and a half, and, you know, Bear's ten, and it's like, The really cool thing is if you've been listening for since the beginning, it's like, you've seen our evolution of like our motherhood changes and like.

Jess Gaertner: You've been here, like, basically for this whole transition, and I can't even imagine what that's going to look like, like, when Bear's 16, or Cammie is, you know, 16, or 18, like, if we're still doing this, like, it's just, I

Laura Bruner: don't know. And I picture us still doing [00:06:00] it, barring, like, any, barring, like, us not serving the community anymore, or it really just not serving either of us anymore, but, and the cool thing, too, is, like, those episodes haven't gone anywhere, so let's say you're just showing up.

Laura Bruner: You're like, huh, what's Laura like in 2017? Like you can go back and listen to the beginning episodes, which I feel like someday I'd like to do, but I will say truly. Honestly, transparently, I don't regret a single thing I've said here because it's just been a part of my journey, you know, and I always reserve the right to change my mind and I'm sure that I have.

Laura Bruner: I can't think of anything like super, super obvious necessarily. But yeah, life's I

Jess Gaertner: think, yeah, it is. It's crazy. And I think for me, it's like I haven't necessarily changed my mind on the big things, but my There's just a softening of myself throughout motherhood where it's like, yeah, you know, it's like I can be I can imagine I can't I can't even think of anything specific, but I can imagine a lot of things in my [00:07:00] like early motherhood journey I was very convicted almost not strict about but like very Convicted, I think, and very, a lot more maybe rigid in some things, and as for me personally, as I've kind of evolved, you know, it's, there's just been a softening of some of my, not that I believe differently But it's like, I am able to be a lot more flexible with some of those, those things as my, especially as my children start to step into their own, I mean, they've always been their own people, you know, but like they, they're growing up, like they're becoming, they're working their way towards adulthood, which is exactly what I want and they're forming their own opinions and, you know, things and perspectives have shifted for me.

Jess Gaertner: You know, one of the things that has started to shift. It's just like what I share about them and you know, it's like, you know, their journeys, it's like, I think when they were babies, it [00:08:00] was a lot easier for me to just be like, you know, they did this and they did that and like, look at this and, and, and You know, as I've gotten older, I just am a lot more mindful with that, this decision to what to share and when to share and how to share and who knows, maybe that will change more and maybe it won't, but that's just one thing I can, that's like standing out to me right now because I've been having conversations about it with Tim, so.

Jess Gaertner: Yeah. Anyways,

Laura Bruner: growth. Yeah, I would say my, my girls are on there less and I'm showing less of like the nuance and intimacies of like my conversations with Evie and, and how I'm parenting and I'm showing like, here's like some really delicious food that we love or like here's their favorite like pouch or here's, you know, it's like some experiences but not necessarily like the depth of Like my emotional state or their emotional state because this feels like a much better place to share that that's a great place So like I feel like instagram has become a cool spot I do share my reflections but not as like not the deep deep stuff But like something a little bit more [00:09:00] quick or like a start to what I have to say But then I can come here and like really dive deeper into and then same thing It's a great place for me to share like affiliate links or products.

Laura Bruner: We love my recipes my etsy shop But that's, that's what it is. It's it, and it's not like me being inauthentic. It's me sharing the first layer and sharing my business and like glimpses into our life, but not the, it's not the space for that. And I don't want to be staring at my phone all the time. Yeah.

Laura Bruner: And that's a big piece for me. It's like, I just. I want to be present with my kids. Yeah,

Jess Gaertner: and I just feel like in general, Instagram, I, I still love Instagram, but like, I feel like in general, I'm getting the vibe and the sense from myself and from other people that it's just not as, I don't know, for instance, like 2020, 2019, 2021, like those kind of years will partly because we were kind of like second home, but there wasn't a lot of like, But I just feel like it's [00:10:00] not the same.

Jess Gaertner: Like, I feel like people are spending as much time over there. And I think that's, I don't think that's a bad thing. I think that's a great thing. Yeah. And I think, you know, at the end of the day for me, I got actually a few comments. It's so funny. Cause I always laugh. Like, it's like, nobody is like sitting there wondering where Jess is when Instagram, but actually I got a couple of comments, like, cause I, I just, I've been so.

Jess Gaertner: Like, I hate the word busy, but my hands have been so full in terms of like, like food photography and like working and doing like things with my brain and my mind and my, my body, but like, I haven't been on my personal page very much at all. And I got someone that was like, it's good to like, see your face pop up every now and then I've been wondering, like, if you were okay, or like where you're at.

Jess Gaertner: And it's like. Yeah, I haven't. I don't know. Like I used to be so, how do I phrase this? It's just like every part of my day [00:11:00] Was I was sharing, you know, and I just don't feel well at the time all the way from that to yeah, like, I just don't have the time I guess maybe or necessarily like sometimes I'm just like, I really have to question like, why am I sharing this?

Jess Gaertner: Is this valuable? Who is this valuable for? You know, and it's like, I, I think that's the question that keeps driving me like when I do open my phone either to scroll because I still do that from time to time or to share it's like, who is this serving and you know, is this going to be helpful in the moment or to someone else and, and that's kind of what, what's guiding me, but I spending a lot of time consuming food stuff on my other Instagram handle for, you know, it's like inspiration and creativity and stuff and that feels, that feels good, but Yeah, I don't know the nuances of life.

Jess Gaertner: It's just and also I think for me personally I can only say when things are Challenging which we've been in a challenging season season [00:12:00] It's a lot harder to share honestly, and I don't again like I don't want that to sound like I'm being inauthentic but like You know, I'm not gonna necessarily come on and share all the like challenges of the day in the moment because it's also not just me, you know, that's going through those challenges.

Jess Gaertner: So yeah, there's a lot of that. It's a lot of, it's a lot, a lot going on. Yeah.

Laura Bruner: Well, just like we've said since the beginning, I feel like you and I both have not shared people, you know, people are like Instagram Real. It's like, yeah, well, I'm not going to pull my freaking phone out when my kid's having a meltdown and she needs me.

Laura Bruner: I'm going to be their holy present. And like, there's so many times throughout the day now where I don't even know where my phone is. Yeah. And like last night we went down to dinner and like trying to keep, like, I just don't care where my phone is. Right. Especially at Rusty's home. I don't feel like I need to be like checking in like, or is he okay?

Laura Bruner: Yeah. We always had his work phone on in case he gets called away. And like, I made this dinner and wasn't really thinking about even taking photos or whatever. And then I come down and I was like, we're sitting outside. We have our like picnic table that we. sanded and sealed [00:13:00] and it's beautiful in the sun, the light was perfect.

Laura Bruner: I was like, ah, wow. I didn't mean to, but like, this is pretty. I was like, can I see your phone for a second? I'm like, just take a picture real quick and then text it to myself, but things like that, you know, and I have, I have ideas. And what I'm liking too, is I, when reels were like really, really in. I was catching myself experiencing something like almost like, like picturing the, and I don't, it's not because I was like obsessed with sharing every facet of my life, but for me, reels were a very creative outlet.

Laura Bruner: And so I picture like, Oh, I could make this in like a really sweet little video or whatever. And again, like, I don't think the call was like, I have to share this moment. I think it was like, I want to, but I definitely, that's old way back where now I'm just like, I'm way more just in it. And I think that camping trip where I was just completely off was so lovely because I was having ideas and I was like, whatever, I'm not, I'm not bike.

Laura Bruner: I'm not going to come back and create a bunch of content from this trip. I would snap a few photos and like, I just shared this morning because I just, we have this core memory I already shared here, but like when we went and got the cookies on the Drizzly campsite morning and I like, you know, three weeks later shared that [00:14:00] experience because I've updated my map, but I just don't feel any pressure or rush to share anything in the moment.

Laura Bruner: It's like I can get to it whenever I get to, I'll share pictures that I took two weeks ago because that's a fun memory for me. And I think it's maybe there's something valuable, there's some valuable takeaway from it, but It's really, that, that release is really nice. Yeah,

Jess Gaertner: it really, really is, and it's, I don't know, I mean, it, I feel like it's up and down, and again, it's like, you're reserved the right to, like, change your mind, come back to it, get, you know, post more, be on there more if you want to, like, I don't know, it's just.

Jess Gaertner: I, I think, again, this is probably something that what we said on the last episode that resonated like we're, we're here to share our ever evolving journeys and reserve the right to change our mind and go back and go forward and, and yeah, I mean, in this season, it seems like that's what feels right for you and that's what feels right for me and Like, who knows?

Jess Gaertner: Who knows what the future holds? Not me.

Laura Bruner: Who [00:15:00] knows? And I don't, I don't really want to know right now. It's helping me in the moment to just be right here right now. Hello friends, Laura here, popping in real quick to rave about my current favorite product from Paleo Valley. Have you tried their whey protein yet?

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Laura Bruner: Cannot recommend it enough. Give it a try. Creamy, delicious. flavor packed and none of the junk you'll find in typical protein powders. We also add it to pancakes and oatmeal and I look forward to smoothies this summer. Don't wait. Go grab yours and save 15% with paleovalley. com forward slash modern mamas.

Laura Bruner: Enjoy! [00:16:00] I was talking to my friend Pat. We spent some time with our friends the Barbers. They've been on the podcast. Taz has been on by herself. They've been on together. They're this incredible couple now with four kids and they live in the Santa Cruz Mountains and we spent the day out there and you know, Pat's like oscillated.

Laura Bruner: He's created like different accounts right now. He's got one called the Father's Guild. He definitely likes to like share stuff, focus on fatherhood and parenthood and it's really been really cool seeing him come into his own as a father, four kids later. Their oldest is almost 11, and we've grown up, I mean they, I feel like I've grown up alongside these kids.

Laura Bruner: It's in some ways, you know, 11 years ago, they were like my first really close friends to have kids. Anyways, we were talking about social media and I was kind of sharing very similar sentiments to what I've been sharing here. And he's like, you know, when I get on, I've gotten on my social media before, and I've said to my audience, like, if you see me on here a lot, it means I'm not actually doing well.

Laura Bruner: Like, I'm not in a good headspace. Because for him, it is, it can be like a, a place to like, check out from parenting, you know? And for me, I, it's not so much, I'm not a scroller, but it's more, I, it's a false sense of productivity. So if I'm on there [00:17:00] a ton, like sharing a lot of our day, it's because I'm feeling like I need to clutch on to something that's helping me feel like I, I'm doing, you know, and so it's very similar.

Laura Bruner: And there'll be days when I have like more dots in there, but I just have more to share and like, I'm not doing, in this season, over the summer, I'm not doing this Sunday offline because That's not really our, our, like, our weeks are so interesting because of resting schedule and, and I'm like, if I, if I've got a package that this is my window to open it and like share some fun things that we're loving with my audience, then I'm going to do that versus like holding it, you know?

Laura Bruner: And it's been cool because you know, that I'm more of a moderator than an abstainer. And so like, I don't feel that call to like have a day where I fully abstain because I just, I don't feel that call to be on there in general. So it does feel like I have a better balance. And I would say probably since I started like sharing on social media, And any realm connected to like growing in my audience and building a business.

Laura Bruner: I would say right now I have the best boundaries with it. And that just, it's cool, you know, and that probably coincides with, [00:18:00] like for you potentially with the free photography stuff, growing, having another outlet and another facet of your business that's like successful. And then for me, it's like my work with CrossFit is feeling very rewarding.

Laura Bruner: It's looking like knock on wood. Hopefully by the time this airs, like I will have a. Permanent, part time offering my inbox. And so that's great. And I'm not going to let go of Radical Roots or the Sourdough Sisterhood. In fact, I'm finding ways to like, make it better. I actually have a meeting next week set up with a listener who reached out after we talked about the online course and we are going to create something.

Laura Bruner: Yay! And she is incredible. And I am. So freaking grateful for her and she, yeah, she's offered to like work with me in the beginning just like, you know, out of the goodness of her heart and I just, I'm getting so stay tuned more on that to come and looking ways to like launch new fun things, new, like I found a new platform that I'm going to be launching more like t potentially like t shirts and hats and mugs like sourdough sisterhood branded just fun stuff like that that I just I think people you know a lot of people have bought the books and what are some other ways that we can like connect in the [00:19:00] sisterhood and I just think kind of starting to dabble in that kind of thing where it's like I am not the expert of all experts when it comes to sourdough from the beginning You Gosh, like four years ago, it's been, I'm more of a novice.

Laura Bruner: Here's my, here's how I do it simply and then take it and do your own thing. And like my friend, Laura, she's now hosting workshops and I know she started one of mine and I love that people are surpassing my skill set because I'm. Not actively. I am actively working on creating new recipes and getting better at the fun stuff like croissants and pie crust and stuff.

Laura Bruner: But like my basic sourdough recipe has been pretty simple and it's grown in that I can now just like not weigh things and just touch. And I know what we like as a family, but I'm not trying to like super expand my skill set and this season at least with the baking is like I have my focaccia dialed in.

Laura Bruner: I've got my boule dialed in. And so now I'm having fun, like big goal is croissants before the holidays. Things like that, you know, like the extras, but it's just so cool to see people taking it and running with it and building their own sisterhoods and their own communities through it. And so anyways, all that to say, [00:20:00] I'm excited to launch more like swag and stuff for us to kind of like be able to, you see someone, I mean, I'm not, I don't necessarily think I'm going to like walk by people in the street wearing sourdough sisterhood stuff, but it could happen.

Laura Bruner: And then it's like a head nod, like I see you, you know? So anyways, that's where, kind of where I'm headed. And I'm really excited for some like. Workshop launch or the online course launch and then some fun stuff for the holiday season. But yeah, anyways, I just rambled. No, that's great

Jess Gaertner: Oh, I want you to ramble more because I know we need to catch up on.

Jess Gaertner: Oh, yeah your trip Which was like I feel like you were gone forever

Laura Bruner: It was it was it was so non stop But it was weirdly like a perfect balance of seeing people and not spending too much time, you know my parents house and Just, like, bouncing around, which was exhausting, but also very freeing in some ways.

Laura Bruner: Because I decided to rent a car, and I don't remember if I said that here or not, I said it on Patreon. Yeah. And kind of dove more into, like, the nuances of why there, but, and I'm sure I'll share more. But yeah, I decided to rent a car, which usually [00:21:00] I would like, my mom would pick me up, she got car seats, which is just perfect, and, but I decided I just wanted some freedom, you know, we were, we flew in on a Friday afternoon, my sister picked us up, we went to Whole Foods and got lunch, and some grocery stuff, and then, and I am like a, whenever possible, I am a carry on gal, so, you Because I don't have to travel with car seats, I had a backpack and a small duffel, and like my purse, and that was it, and Evie had her little backpack, so travel light, got in, Whole Foods, and then got back to my, and then my sister took us to the rental car place, so she over the, and she just dropped me, and then took the girls to my parents, and I got the car, which, surprise, it was a electric vehicle, which again, I shared more of that on the, on Patreon, I use the hopper app for travel booking and it's awesome.

Laura Bruner: I use it for the most part and you find really great deals. And it was like looking at rental cars for the week. It was like three to four plus a hundred dollars. And I was like, Oh, I can't do that, but I really want to do this. And then there was like, or you can get a mystery car and renting not at the airport is significantly more affordable as [00:22:00] well.

Laura Bruner: And because of our situation, I was able to do that. So I've chosen a mystery car and it was an electric vehicle, but it was all said and done everything. It was like 1. 90 for a week, which is nothing for a rental car. And, on top of that, you don't pay for gas. But, what you do pay for is your, like your, you spend time, because you have to charge the thing, especially on a road trip.

Laura Bruner: And what I didn't realize, so basically we got the rental car, went back to my parents, went out for a hike. Came home, had dinner, it was like kind of a late night, and then I woke up at 5, 4, got the girls loaded into the car before 6 to start the trip down to Santa Barbara for my sister's, like, wedding party, which was the main catalyst for us going down there, and that was Saturday afternoon.

Laura Bruner: Gave myself plenty of time, but didn't account for the fact that there are different, like, charging speed stations. So some are, like, super, super slow, or they're gonna expect you to be plugged in, like, overnight. And some are rapid and you can fully charge your [00:23:00] car in like an hour. So we make it to San Luis Obispo and I was like, perfect, I'm going to plug in at this parking garage.

Laura Bruner: We're going to go have fun, explore, eat. Like revisit all the fun places that the girls dad and I explored and experienced when we were first dating. We fell in love there, went to our favorite cafe, took it back to the car and it had given us like 20 miles and that was it. And we had to get all the way to Santa Barbara, which is much further than 20 miles.

Laura Bruner: So at this point we were gonna meet up with my mom and sister and my brother in law in Pismo and like jump in the waves and, and maybe have lunch or whatever. I was like, well, and they found a charging spot there, but I was like, I set my app to only show me rapid charge stations. And so I had to go to the Pismo outlets, which is like, there's not a lot to do there unless you want to shop, which I didn't want to do, especially with two kids.

Laura Bruner: And so it ended up being actually lovely. I didn't need to like fully, fully charge. I just needed to get to Santa Barbara. And so my sister was going to come pick me up so we could go to the beach and I was like, you know what, you have a party, just go. And she was even like, yeah, I should [00:24:00] probably just head down there.

Laura Bruner: I'm like, just go. And the girl that I just like, I plugged in and we just sat in the back of the car and I gave Endy milk and I think we all just needed like Like it's some downtime. So once I embraced that and ended up being really nice, then we got there, got ready, had the party, got to see aunts and uncles and cousins and my cousin's kids that I hadn't seen in years.

Laura Bruner: Most of them hadn't ever met Indy. And it was so much fun. We danced, we just laughed, we caught up. Stayed there that night, and then the next morning, drove to, I met my cousin and her two girls. In downtown Santa Barbara and ate at one of the most delicious like organic sourdough bakery cafes I've ever experienced and it was so lovely and I was able to plug the car in down there and it's called Helena's on it's in on near State Street like downtown Santa Barbara.

Laura Bruner: So that was such a fun experience. I hadn't gotten like that kind of quality time with my cousin and so long and she's just a little bit older than me. And then we went to the beach and just had a blast and then like a torrential hurricane came in, not, I mean, a California [00:25:00] hurricane, it was like a lot of rain, a little bit of wind.

Laura Bruner: And I was supposed to leave that evening for, or afternoon and go stay with my really good friend Mariah, who's been on the podcast, she has the twins, and has since had a home birth, and just like, she had, yeah, she's just incredible. So she's got three kids. And they live in Lompoc, and I was going to stay there and then go all the way back to my parents on Monday, and by the time we got home from the beach, Indy was like, it was after 1, she was unbelievably exhausted, I could just see it in her eyes, Evie, we're like, I'm trying to get the girls, like, showered from the beach, and Evie just has, like, some really big feelings about wanting to stand in a specific place in the bedroom, and I know when she has those kinds of, from my perspective, irrational, I Like frustrations which are fully rational to her.

Laura Bruner: I can acknowledge that. I know it's not about like the spot She's standing in the bedroom. It's you know, she was just she was done at this point We had slept in two different places. We traveled all day That's my parents woke up early traveled all day That's my aunts and I didn't really want to move them again to a new [00:26:00] spot For another single night to then leave the next day And I, so I was like, okay, I got, Evie got dressed for, I held her, let her feel big feels, you know, and then I, then she moved on and actually she went in the hot tub, the uncle and aunt got home and she had a blast.

Laura Bruner: And then I was like, okay, I'm going to lay down with Indy. If she falls asleep, I'm not going, I'm just going to stay. And she fell asleep immediately. And so I did, decided to stay at my aunt's. Mariah was fully understanding and Indy just, she napped. My mom and my aunts and my uncle all got home. And I took a shower and my sister and her husband and I went out on State Street, just the three of us.

Laura Bruner: And we went to Llama Dog, which is this really cool tap room, and had, I found this, like, organic honey fermented cider that was so good. And then we just, like, walked State Street. Her husband slid off to go get this food that he'd been craving, like, very specific restaurant. My sister and I kept walking.

Laura Bruner: We found this place called Wild Works. And it's run by this family that remind me, they're just like kids. They're saying [00:27:00] we've got these three boys running around barefoot, but she's got a tiny one like she's wearing and then two and two older ones barefoot, like shaggy hair, just like look like they just came from the forest and it's honey wine.

Laura Bruner: Mead, which is like, it's like cider, but it's fermented from honey instead of apples. And then June, like hard June kombucha, which is kombucha fermented with honey. And they started as beekeepers and there's a grand piano in there and someone's playing and her art, she's an artist as well and does like kids books and arts all over the walls.

Laura Bruner: And I was like, my whole body just got tingly. I was like, this is my, this is my happy place. So my sister and I sat there. We had a, we had a, a dry mead and then we bought, she's like giving us tastes of things and we bought this bottle of honey wine that she actually, that they had at their wedding. And we took that home.

Laura Bruner: Her brother, her brother or her husband met up back up with us. We went and ate this incredible food called tiger tiger. It's like farm to table, kind of like Asian fusion. So good. And it was like kind of drizzly that afternoon and evening, and then we get back to the girls at my aunt and uncle's and there's a [00:28:00] fucking double rainbow.

Laura Bruner: And it was just like, everything felt right in the world in that moment. And my sister and her husband are moving to Santa Barbara. And for them, it was like, this is where we're supposed to be. It was just such a beautiful evening. And so for me, it was a good reminder that sometimes you have to audible.

Laura Bruner: And at first, my reason for changing was for the girls. Like it was like, I want to see Mariah so badly. The girls are done, you know? But then as the evening progressed, I was like, I actually, I needed this too. And sometimes our girls can be our best teachers, our kids, you know, like actually reflecting a little bit of our needs.

Laura Bruner: Maybe we see our needs in them. So we're going back down in February, we'll spend the night and like really spend some quality time with Brian, her husband. But it was, it was lovely. Then I, you know, we got to bed early and I just had that cut feeling time and that time to really connect with my sister because I wasn't able to go to her wedding ceremony in Germany in July just because of our season of life.

Laura Bruner: So to get to experience that with her and her husband, like buy them a drink. So anyways, the next morning loaded the girls up again at five and we just, we made it. And at this point I'd done my [00:29:00] research. We made it to Hasso in time for breakfast. There's a plug in there, walked downtown, got breakfast, played on the playground, got back to the car.

Laura Bruner: It was 100% charged and made it home easy. So like the way home was way smoother. And I will do it again. I will say now that I've done it. I will, I will never buy an electric vehicle because of our life and the way that we like try and like go off grid and camp and that kind of thing. But for a rental car, I think from now on, as long as they stay more affordable, we'll probably do that in the Bay Area because there's charging stations everywhere you look.

Laura Bruner: And like, the park, the school next to my parents house, the parking lot is covered with solar panels, so I went and plugged in there the next day when I got home and left it. And because of the solar, it's free. And even if you do have to pay the charge, You can chill up the like full electricity. It's like 12.

Laura Bruner: So it's so it saved us so much money within allowed me to feel a little bit better about like eating out a bit more and that kind of thing. And just it was nice to have that. So I would definitely do it [00:30:00] again. It's like the entire rental car costs as much as it would probably have cost to fill up twice, which I would have had to do way more than that.

Laura Bruner: So anyways, those are my thoughts on that. And yeah, and then I got a date with my sister, my, my mom, my sister and her husband were extremely helpful. My mom was about as helpful as I expected, which is fine. I don't need to dive too much into that here, but I had support. I had help. My sister and I got a date, which again was lovely.

Laura Bruner: And I had her, we took that bottle of honey wine to this, her favorite hike. And we sat under this Oak tree and she talked through her wedding day from start to finish, which was very special for us. And then we went out to dinner. California is so cool. And there's so many different like food genres and cultures and that kind of thing.

Laura Bruner: And so we ate at a, my first time ever at Georgian restaurant. Which is a country that like neighbors Russia, which I, you know, had to do some research before we went, but the food was all good. It was so good. And that was really special. And then, yeah. And then I popped over to Santa Cruz and spent two nights with my friend, Nicole, who's just like one of my best friends in the whole world and the kids get along [00:31:00] splendidly.

Laura Bruner: We spent so much time outside. We got a date, just the two of us with her nanny that came over. That was incredible. And then I spent a day with the barbers, played in their pool, caught up on life and motherhood. And then. The final night, I went back to my, I returned to the car, my sister met me, returned to my parents house, and my parents went to a 49ers game, which, I'll be totally honest, was, it was, it was actually really, I love them, but it was nice to have one more evening.

Laura Bruner: My girls adore her aunt and uncle. And my sister... Above and beyond sets up a full outdoor movie set up. She had this TV screen. They bring it outside, lays down blankets, brings out like her camping chairs. We pop popcorn. We sat in the backyard and watched Puss in Boots and it was just perfect. Got the girls down.

Laura Bruner: My dad took us to the airport in the morning and we landed. We got, our flight took off at 6. 15, landed by 8. And it's a two and a half hour drive home from the airport. I got home, what actually went straight to Farmer's Market on Saturday, Came home and just had like a relaxing afternoon where I, you know, cleaned and, and then Rusty got home from the station [00:32:00] that, and that night.

Laura Bruner: And he gets home and he has a surprise in the back of his car, the, his truck. And I've been, I've been speaking in interviews at first for, since like for years now that I want a mountain bike. And we have a really cool rental spot by our house that does like kayak rentals and mountain bike rentals. And they sometimes will have their bikes for sale as they get restocked.

Laura Bruner: So he went and he didn't just get me one, he got us both one because he knows I'm an experiences person. And like, yeah, cool, you got me a bike, but like, I want to ride with you. So he got us each one. And I am so giddy. And at this point, I was like, so exhausted. And he's like, I've got a surprise. You want to see it?

Laura Bruner: And I had like dinner pretty much ready. Where I was trying to eat dinner, and he wouldn't let me put her down, and I was like, can we do that after dinner? And then I looked at him, and I'm like, no, let's do it right now. And so, because I'm not a gift person, I'm like, oh, a gift, you know, I'd rather just come in and sit with you and eat a meal together.

Laura Bruner: But then he, and then I like, started crying. And so the next day, he had to go back to work, but I texted my friend, I was like, she's got kids the same age gap as us, but like, [00:33:00] And so I was like, do you have a toddler seat? Because I just, before I'd buy one, I'm going to ask everyone. She's like, no, but we have a pull behind.

Laura Bruner: So I went and snagged that yesterday, hooked it to my bike, and the girls and I rode downtown, and it was just so much fun. And I can't wait for Rusty to have a day off so we can like all cruise together. But it's just been, it's been a good August, you know, and we're heading into the end of the end of the months, you know, and heading into Evie starting her Montessori school on Tuesday, after the day after Labor Day.

Laura Bruner: And, I feel like Russ and I actually last night had a brief moment where we were kind of chatting and because before he started wildland season, we are, we sat and never forget, we went on a date, we sat and had a cider and we were like, I mean, he was like days out from starting and both of us were had a moment where we're like, is this what we want?

Laura Bruner: Do you actually want to do this? And do I actually want you to do this? We sat there and my mind was like, you know, I'm very much like, if, if this isn't right, we can still pull out and he's like, we're too far in. Obviously, we decided to move forward, but we had a moment yesterday in the kitchen [00:34:00] where where he's like, I know this has been hard on everybody, but it feels so right.

Laura Bruner: And I was like, 100%. And I was like, first of all, I am so proud of you. I'm like, I'm always proud of you. But like, I'm proud of the work you're doing. It's very rugged and like very sexy and And also I'm proud of myself. You've been gone a lot. And I'm, I am not perfect, but I am doing a good job, you know, and we've made it through this summer and, and it feels, and so, and then we just like gave each other a high five and a kiss and then we're like, okay, you know, we're kind of settling into, I feel like these roles where we're supposed to be like, I am not supposed to be working a nine to five full time job.

Laura Bruner: I'm supposed to be with my girls as much as possible, but I also need work. And I'm finding that like that puzzle pieces, those pieces are working together. And then like he is supposed to be Working in a job that like has him using his body and like leading a team and getting dirty and he's found that he's and providing for us and it's taken us a long time and we've gone through a lot of iterations of different work, but I feel like we have continued to manifest and and found [00:35:00]what's where we're supposed to be at least in this season and kind of to come full circle like reserve the right to change our mind, but right now this feels so right and also like going to California.

Laura Bruner: Of course, I had moments when I'm with my best friends in the whole world where I'm like, Oh, I can. Yeah. I was like, I can live in Felton. It's really close to Nicole. It's back in the mountains where we left, you know, three years ago, but I also, I also like I'm at home. I was having those conversations with Nicole and then like I got on my phone and I was like looking at some pictures a friend sent me from the lake and I was like, Oh no, like I want to, I want to go home, you know?

Laura Bruner: And so that was a very new sensation for me and I'm just, I'm really grateful to live here and to have our community and then like to go to farmer's market first thing when we pulled into town and see friends there and. Like, no, the farmers, I was like, this is just, it's, it's cool. So anyways, we found our spot.

Laura Bruner: We were finding our rhythm. I don't think, you know, now that we're rounding out summer, like I don't think it will be this hard again. I'm sure there'll be other things to come up, but as far as like Indy's age and. [00:36:00] The kind of like sporadic nature of not really knowing work for myself. Like, is it permanent?

Laura Bruner: Is it contract? And having my contract renewed in the middle of the summer and not really knowing what that was going to look like, not knowing what resting season was going to look like as an engine lead and his health, like his physical body after the surgeries and everything. So coming to the end of it, it's like, okay, like we can do this.

Laura Bruner: Also scheduled way less. Rusty and I went through like the list of the trips we took last year over the summer. And we were by the end of the list. We're like, Oh my, we did too much. And he was working a remote sales shop that he hated trying to work while we traveled. And this summer was so much better.

Laura Bruner: I stayed mostly local. The unexpected California trip ended up being really lovely. Didn't spend nearly as much money. Didn't drive nearly as far. Didn't, you know, any of it. And. Though I was solo, there's a lot of freedom in that, knowing that he was home and working, and that we get to come home to him.

Laura Bruner: And I definitely have more of a travel bug anyways, so. And now we get to plan a couple really fun trips for the winter and spring, knowing that we've budgeted for that, [00:37:00] and that he gets to be with us, and he gets to actually like take time away, and that feels cool. So stay tuned after, I'm sure on our next catch up I will have more specifics.

Laura Bruner: Um, like career for me and like, what, what, you know, what exactly am I doing with CrossFit and Radical Roots and Sourdough Sisterhood and then see, we'll have more insights into probably like soon here, whether he's going to be a year or like a permanent seasonal employee that will work nine months out of the year and be like, quote, unquote, laid off the other three, but always knowing he'll be rehired or if he's going to be moving into hopefully more of like a permanent year round position.

Laura Bruner: So. It's a very slow season and a very not slow season. So yeah, anyways, that was a lot. That was very, very cathartic for me. So thank you for listening. Just basically like

Jess Gaertner: talking through our whole summer. I just put myself on mute and I was like, alright, let's do this.

Laura Bruner: And take a breath. But yeah, it's good.

Laura Bruner: Life is good. There's still some hard stuff, of course, but I do feel like I've learned and grown a ton this summer and it's not over yet. And we saw this week and then [00:38:00] transitioning Evie into Montessori, but she is so excited. I have a nanny share already set up for three days a week. So for Indy, so stay tuned for more on like that whole transition and what, what life looks like post.

Laura Bruner: School starting, but still planning on lots of outdoor time and still manifesting a bit of an endless summer here. More, like, days, please. So. But then also our apple tree is, like, going off and I'm gonna make an apple galette today, so.

Jess Gaertner: I saw, I saw that on Instagram. I was like, holy cow, there's apples literally everywhere.

Laura Bruner: Everywhere. Yeah, we can't get to them fast enough and there's still so many in the tree, so we've got two buckets.

Jess Gaertner: Can you can them? Like, can you, like, make apple sauce and can it? Or something? I

Laura Bruner: don't have, like, a full canning set up, but my plan is to, like, make a bunch of compote. But to make a bunch of applesauce and I'm probably just gonna freeze a bunch.

Laura Bruner: We did get, finally got a deep freezer. So I want to try and save as much as I can for pies and galettes. And I love like apple compote and making, like putting it on sandwiches. I could see doing like pizzas and all the things. So I'm just going to keep filling those buckets, but I'm hoping today to do some [00:39:00] apple processing in the afternoon.

Laura Bruner: Cause I've got sitters lined up today for a lot of work time to catch up. But I also got, you know, I got some stuff done this weekend. So. Yeah, all the Apple things. Stay tuned. We've

Jess Gaertner: got some. Oh my gosh, I wish I, yeah, I mean, that looks amazing. I want an Apple galette. I just want to come over and eat a galette with you with ice cream.

Laura Bruner: And I'm actually already thinking about another, like, holiday recipe book because I have all these ideas. And my goal is to do, get a croissant and actually put it in a book.

Jess Gaertner: Oh my gosh, if you figure out a sourdough croissant, oh my god, I don't know. I don't even know what's going to happen. I'm just,

Laura Bruner: It's on my radar for this weekend, because it's like, you know, I want to get something put together and for sale by like October, I got to, I got to get on it.

Laura Bruner: So stay tuned. Cool.

Jess Gaertner: Hey there friends, pausing this episode to share a bit about our wonderful friend, Brianna White, a [00:40:00] fantastic real estate agent based in Bend, Oregon. She's also a wife, mama, and a member of this awesome Modern Mamas podcast

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Jess Gaertner: Now, let's dive back into our episode.

Laura Bruner: So what is up with you now that I've

Jess Gaertner: just had a little laugh at it? Oh god, I don't really, I'm so glad that you took up most of the time because I, I really don't have a [00:42:00] ton to share. Knowledge has changed, honestly, I'm trying to think, since the last weekend, I still, like, we are just in, I'm in a season where I am having, it's just a, it's a learning season, it's a growth season in terms of like, not necessarily growth in terms, well, I mean, yeah, there's growth, there's growth in lots of ways.

Jess Gaertner: But like the mental and emotional kind of, I, I'm learning something, that's all I can say. There's, there's lessons for both Tim and I and the kids that we're still continuing to learn, which I feel like has been our theme for 2023 since it started, really. And even maybe before, like in 2022, like there is a lot.

Jess Gaertner: That is being, I think, like revealed to me personally about my belief system and, and what I think. You know, for me, my faith has always been, [00:43:00] like, super important, and I feel like some of the things I've shared on Instagram too lately, it's like, you know, the last couple years have been years of, like, abundance, like, in terms of, like, work, and finances, and things, and stuff, and trips, and You know, all that stuff.

Jess Gaertner: And it's been so easy for me to be like, yeah, we're blessed. Things are great. God is good. You know, I were joyful, like, you know, I feel like a lot of my, you know, obviously there's been challenges and different things, but it's been like been so easy for me and my faith to just be like, Hey,

Laura Bruner: everything's great.

Jess Gaertner: Cool. I'm a good person. So therefore good things happen for me. And in this season, what I think the challenge for me is like, okay, you're a good person. Yes. You have faith. Yes. But like, here's some chat here. This is a challenging [00:44:00] season. Like, what are you going to do when things are not all happening the way that you want them to?

Jess Gaertner: What are you going to do when you're, it's revealed to you that like, this is not in your control. When you can work hard. And things still don't go your way. Like, what are you going to do? What are you going to do when you don't have, like, all the extras and the trips and the things that you can purchase and, you know, all the fun stuff that you can share?

Jess Gaertner: Like, what's going to happen? Like, how are you going to, like, respond? And is your faith still strong and, and, you know, do you still believe that you're blessed? Like, do you still believe that you're joyful when your circumstances are different? And so I honestly feel like that's the lesson. It has been so hard for me to, it's like, like intellectually.

Jess Gaertner: I'm like, okay, yes, I'm learning a lesson. Like I've learned it. Cool, like [00:45:00]let's move on, you know? But then at the end of the day, still be like, what? Like what can I control? How can I control this? How can I change this? How can I get out of this uncomfortable season? And so, at the end of the day, I know that like I haven't learned what I'm like supposed to be learning right now.

Jess Gaertner: And it is hard 'cause it's like, At the, ultimately, at the end of the day, like, I feel like my struggle is always with control and, you know, for lots and lots of reasons, a story that I've told myself as I grow up is that you can't trust anyone else to take care of you. And you, there is a lack, like there's, like, you don't have what you need, and even if you have what you need right now, even if you feel like things are abundant, like you better prepare because you're not always going to have that.

Jess Gaertner: And like, it's the, you know, from my upbringing and stuff, it's just. [00:46:00] That was kind of like what I learned, you know, whether it was intentional or not. And so this season has been so incredibly triggering for me. And I'm still, I don't think I've, I don't think that I am, I have learned what I need to learn yet.

Jess Gaertner: And so it's not saying that like, I'm, Like, I hate kind of sharing it in that way, but I'm not being punished, but there is like a lesson here for me to learn and that I haven't learned it yet. And so I'm still, I'm still in it. And so again, like, again, that's just me kind of like grappling, like, what's what, what, trying to make meaning of it all and finding meaning in that way.

Jess Gaertner: And I am trying to kind of lean into what is mine to do today, like what is. Like, what do I need today and can I find, again, I talked about this last episode. Can I find joy [00:47:00] right now and do, do, can I rest knowing that like my needs will be met and That's where I'm at. That's kind of where I'm at. You know, it's like, it's so interesting because it's like, I want specific things.

Jess Gaertner: I want to be provided for in like very specific ways. And those are my prayers and requests and thoughts. And at the end of the day, those are not the answers that I'm getting, but I am getting provided for. And so that is, Like what I just kind of have to like accept and walk into so like I mentioned either Patreon or the last episode that we recorded like my food photography business is exploding and it's so great and it's so wonderful and I also have this story that I tell myself that I can't handle that I can't, I think for some reason, I mean, there are many reasons, but I think that I will be unable to handle the [00:48:00] workload that I'm given.

Jess Gaertner: And so while good things are being like poured on and opportunities and growth and my food photography business, on the other hand, I'm like scared. Such a wild place to be. Like, what if I can't do this? Like, I, I need to say yes, or I want to say yes to these opportunities, but at the end of the day, I'm like, but what if I can't do it all,

Laura Bruner: you know?

Laura Bruner: Well, that, I feel like that fear is, what do you guys call it? A scared ed? A, uh, uh, A scared ed? A scared ed. It's like you're, that's great. In my mind, of course, because I'm like this eternal optimist, I'm like, It's great that you're, that you're an unsure because that means that you really, really fucking care.

Laura Bruner: Yeah. If you were just like, I got this, no problem, you know, I think that, I mean, I know you got this, no problem, but that feeling in your gut that's like, whew, can I do this? It's like, that shows your willingness to continue to learn and grow and better your craft. It shows that you care so deeply. But again, this is just me, my perspective on it.

Laura Bruner: And then of course, I'm sure there's some [00:49:00] other deeper seated rooted things to work through. But I am just. I'm so excited. Yeah, cool. Thanks. I don't know. I thought that's scary. Yeah.

Jess Gaertner: I mean, it's all really great things, but there's just a lot working through there. It's like, yeah, every time someone emails me too, it's like, you know, they'll say something to him and this is not like a humble brag, like a toot my own horn.

Jess Gaertner: This is like literally what happens. Someone will email me and be like, I saw, I came across your food photography and like, you know, wanting to, you know, inquire about my services and they'll be like, your photos are stunning. They're just incredible. And I'm like thinking to myself, like,

Jess Gaertner: that's not really those, that's just my like best work. Like, you know, every time I finish like a food, a photo shoot and I send the photos over, I'm literally like thinking in my head, like those photos are shit. Like this is shit. Like I. It's a horrible self talk, you know, and [00:50:00] then my client will come back and be like, I love him so much.

Jess Gaertner: They're so great. And I'm like, me? Like, I got like looking behind myself, like over my shoulder, like, are they talking to someone else? Like, was this email meant for somebody else? Because like, I am a terrible friend. It's bananas. It's bananas where the insecurities show up and it's bananas as like that starts to grow.

Jess Gaertner: There's still an imposter syndrome because it's literally, I could show you photos from like a year ago where it was like, just horrible. But then it's like, that's just growth, right? Like the more you do something, the better you get. And I don't know, the more opportunities come your way, like, it's just hard for me to accept good things sometimes, and I just, like, just have to be totally honest, like, I don't know, I don't know why, but that is something that I struggle with.

Jess Gaertner: I don't know if it's because I feel like I don't deserve them, I don't, I don't know if I feel like it's not true, that people are, like, humoring me, [00:51:00] and There's just a lot, there's a lot that I'm like, working through, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, that is a lot. It's a lot,

Laura Bruner: and it's like, and I'm sure the two are tied, your, your feelings of like, scarcity and like, that fear of never quite having enough, or being sad, or you know, being taken care of, it's like now a lot of that.

Laura Bruner: Taking care of is falling into your hands. You're the one who's got this like abundance of work that means then you're the one caring and providing in that way for your family. It's I'm sure it's also intertwined. It's so

Jess Gaertner: intertwined. Oh my gosh, it is like, and then you start like, I feel like I'm trying to do the work of like unraveling it.

Jess Gaertner: But then you're in it. Yeah, while you're in it, but then you're like, pull one strand. And then like the whole thing kind of like starts to come apart and you're just like, I just, what I need to probably do is go to like back to therapy and like get, I don't know, I just need help. And you [00:52:00] know, I'm seeking that help through, through prayer and like through my faith and, but I also think I need like a, just someone to be like, Just to help me, you know, like guide me through that thought process because it's like, feelings are real, feelings are valid, feelings are good, but at the same time, sometimes those feelings are just a byproduct of a moment that passes, but then they stay with you and kind of formulate this like pattern of, of thoughts.

Jess Gaertner: I don't know. We're getting super deep here. I'll try. I'm going to pull myself back out of this like deepness. Because I don't really have the answers and I feel like I could just like go around in circles, but like really what's happening is I'm feeling a withdraw from a lot. I feel like I am like having to protect my energy so intentionally to the point where like I can't, this is not true and this is again something I have to work through, but like I'm feeling like so protective where like I almost just feel like I can't be a good friend [00:53:00] right now because I can't.

Jess Gaertner: I, like, I don't even want to talk to people in my life because I'm like, I can't handle your stuff, which sounds horrible, but like, I, I can't show up to this person that I want to be.

Laura Bruner: That sounds to me like growth. Yeah. Because in the past, you would have set your own needs aside and been like, I'm here.

Laura Bruner: Don't you think? And now you've grown into this place where you're like, I am protective of my space and my boundaries and my family and my needs and not, I like, I'm going to credit. I feel like that's

Jess Gaertner: so cool. It is cool. It is. And your friends know you

Laura Bruner: and love you and get you in a way that nobody else does except for your people.

Laura Bruner: You know, it's like, no one is going to be upset by that. I

Jess Gaertner: know. And, and I, I, I've already gotten one of our, one of my really, one of my best friends just, you know, very self aware, but like, you know, we had a [00:54:00] conversation around this and like, I, I, I just can't like hold that emotion for you right now. And it was a very respectful, like conversation.

Jess Gaertner: It was amazing. And it was validating, but it's also like a new vulnerable space for me. Like, who am I to my people and my friends? And those that are close to me, if I'm not like holding the space, if I'm not that person who's like taking on all the stuff. So yeah, it is just wild. And it's like one of the reasons why I'm not on Instagram.

Jess Gaertner: It's like, I just can't, like, I can't literally take in someone else's story or thoughts or feelings and it's just, that's where I'm at.

Laura Bruner: That's still

Jess Gaertner: good. It's just good ish. And at the same time, it's like, I was talking with Tim and I'm like, I've got to. With all that's going on, like, I have to make sure that I'm taking care of myself, like, so there are a couple non negotiables, like, I am still, like, really freaking proud of myself, like, still [00:55:00] showing up to the gym three, I go to the gym three times a week, do some moderately, like, nothing super taxing, but, like, still working on my core, still developing strength, and I've been doing this for months now, consistently, which is great for me.

Jess Gaertner: That's awesome. I am going to the chiropractor still once a week. It's still like, you know, and it's like so easy for me to be like, I should not go because it's like a 45 minute drive. I need that time to work. And part of me just wants to be like, no, cancel it. You don't need this. But I'm still going like I'm making it work and you know, just trying to get really good sleep.

Jess Gaertner: The work boundaries are a little bit hazy there most of the day, but trying really, really trying and very, very present with what I have to do and with my people are working on getting present. And. Yeah, I'm just, it's, it's a season and we'll see when we come out the other side, but [00:56:00] for now, that's what's going on, you know, the kids, everything is great with the kiddos, they're in school, they're doing well, just trying to keep in mind that they are our priority, aside from, you know, making sure that ourselves are taken care of and healthy mentally and physically, like our kids, So yesterday, to say all this, no, Saturday, Tim and I were in like this, like we get in this frenzy of like, okay, we're going to be okay.

Jess Gaertner: But then we're like, but what are we going to do? Like let's brainstorm and get less than hours researching and like figuring out like the next thing. And then we kind of like, this is going to sound harsh, but like ignore our kids were like, you know, they're doing their thing. Like we can take this time and we're all in our head.

Jess Gaertner: And we're like, You know, just, it's like, at the end of the day, we were like, dude, we're just doing the same thing again. It's not going to be pretty. It's not productive. And we're getting caught up all in our like [00:57:00] anxiety and like what's next and what can we control? And we've literally like ignored our kids for four or five hours while we're trying to do this.

Jess Gaertner: And it's like, this is like, this is not the way. This is not the way forward. But obviously it's like, we have to have these discussions. We have to make plans and there, there are things that we have to set into motion. But like. I don't know. It's a realization of like, we weren't going to solve it on that Saturday morning when we're like intentionally had planned to like spend time with our kids and so it's a lot of us learning that like the ins and outs of like working through this together and also being like the best parents that we can be to our kids in the moment and anyways, I'm just rambling but we're okay.

Jess Gaertner: We're good. Busy. I kind of hate that word but like things are stacked over here in the Gertner household. And I keep having to remind myself on the days where it's like, I'm doing a photo shoot. We're doing, we're, it's like a long photo shoot and we're doing like [00:58:00] two or three recipes and I'm like a little bit stressed and I keep having to remind myself, like, this is fun, this is fun work, like, yeah, it's a lot, like we've got to cook and you know, there's like cleanup and you know, you want the tech side of things to work and you want the photos to look pretty, but at the end of the day, like I create really beautiful photos, I get to cook and eat delicious food.

Jess Gaertner: Right now, Tim is with me and we're doing this together and that's, yeah. Like amazing. I'm not going to an office. I'm not like beholden to someone else telling me what to do outside of like, you know, client. Communication, but like this is fun. It should be fun and I should let it be fun and I can play my music and like it's great and laugh and eat good food.

Laura Bruner: What month was the that like retreat you went on that was in North Carolina? That was April. So yeah, come the fuck on. Excuse me, but like April, you're like, I'm taking this on a whim. I don't really know what I'm doing. I have this dream and now come [00:59:00] August, April, May, June, July, like four months later, yeah.

Laura Bruner: You are booming with clients. Like I have chills on headstone right now. That's amazing. It's amazing. It

Jess Gaertner: really is. You manifested this when I stop and think about path and like what has happened in that short period of time. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like this is everything I wanted.

Jess Gaertner: It was maybe sooner than I anticipated, but it's, it's good. It's a good thing. It's all good things. And so, and it can be hard and really great, you know? Yeah. So

Laura Bruner: yeah, that's just so rough. Thanks,

Jess Gaertner: friend.

Laura Bruner: I just saw Rusty pull up in the front.

Jess Gaertner: Good timing. Good timing. I feel like I don't have anything else.

Jess Gaertner: I've kind of poured out my heart here. So

Laura Bruner: well, thank you for that. I appreciate this. Felt like a per usual. And really, we always get off. We're like, yeah, that just felt very cathartic.

Jess Gaertner: It is. I needed that. It's like, it's just, this is a process, man. This is why we can never stop.

Laura Bruner: We can't. At least for the [01:00:00] foreseeable future.

Laura Bruner: So selfishly, get used to having us here for years to come, and thank you for helping us get to a million. I know. Like, that's

Jess Gaertner: huge. You guys are amazing. Best community ever. Ever. Yeah. Just, just amazing.

Laura Bruner: The best. Alright. Alright, well thanks everyone, and thank you for sharing all the things, and proud of you.

Laura Bruner: Thanks,

Jess Gaertner: friend. I love you.

Laura Bruner: Love you too. Bye everybody. Bye.

Jess Gaertner: Thanks for listening to,

Laura Bruner: thanks for listening to our podcast. See you next time. Bye.[01:01:00]