MMP EP 306: Laura talks: We Can Do Hard Things

Laura Bruner: [00:00:00] Hey friends, can't wait till Wednesdays to get your Modern Mamas fixed. Join us on Patreon. You can choose your tier, and when you subscribe, you'll get bonus content, early access to retreat First Peaks at New Swag, plus shoutouts and even realtime monthly virtual hangs with us. Visit patreon.com/modern Mamas podcast.

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Hi, friends. Welcome to the Modern Mamas Podcast. We are two modern mamas here to inspire empowerment, self-love, deep physical, and spiritual nourishment, holistic health, open minds and joy. No matter your journey or perspective. I'm Laura of Radical Roots. I'm a certified CrossFit trainer, certified nutrition consultant, and Mama to Evie Wilder and Indie Bow.

I love outdoor adventure, good food, especially sourdough [00:01:00] and mindful movement. And I'm Jess of Hold The Space Wellness. I'm a level one CrossFit trainer, a licensed and certified athletic trainer with a Masters in Kinesiology. And Mama Taben. Camille, I love food, trying new things, creating art, and being a perpetual learner.

Please note that while we're here to provide advice and insights, we aren't medical practitioners and always recommend that you check with a trusted provider before implementing any changes. Thanks for joining us. We're so happy you're here. Well, hello, Laura here with a. Another kind of unusual turn of events for a solo episode.

Just me, myself and I, my mug of tea. I have indie napping in one bedroom. I have rusty resting in another. The dogs are sneezing next to me. It feels weird to be here alone, but I also just wanted to come on and take a moment to offer some updates about life. And first and foremost, before I say anything else, I just want to say thank [00:02:00] you.

I know. You might be listening and have no idea what's going on, and I will get to that. Just know that our family has been through an emergency situation. It was very scary, it was very stressful. A lot of the overarching mental load of our day to day fell entirely on me. On top of coming in outta the hospital to visit Rusty, you know, being with the girls and through all of that, that mental load, that heaviness was definitely.

Reduced because of this community. My dear friend Kaylee, set up a GoFundMe and the outpouring of support in that capacity. I still don't really have the words to be honest. I, I can say thank you till I'm blue in the face. I don't think I'll ever fully have the words to be able to express how grateful that I am, how grateful that Rusty is, and that the girls don't fully comprehend what went on their, their gratitude as well because it lifted some of my heavy mental load, which allowed me to be more present with them.

I lifted some of Rusty's heavy mental load, which allowed him to focus [00:03:00] his energy into healing his body. And then the girls obviously benefited from that on both fronts. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you. From our family. And for those of you who reached out with words of support and solidarity, I had some of you reach out with stories of your own hardship or emergencies, especially involving the appendix ruptures.

And it brought me some peace of mind. So taking a really deep breath. We are officially, as of yesterday, two weeks out from a very scary emergency surgery. So I guess I'll provide some updates on that, or I guess a little bit of backstory for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about on Tuesday.

I don't know the day, to be honest. The Tuesday before Easter, rusty and I, no, two Tuesdays before Easter. So at the very beginning of April, rusty and I both got the stomach flu and it was horrible. Andy got it first and then it hit me [00:04:00] and it was the worst stomach bug I've ever had, like, you know, both ends.

No, no need to get into the nuances there, but so, so sick and then, It hit me hard at about like 3:00 PM I felt it coming. I knew it was going on. Came home, you know, vomit both ends, et cetera. And then about 11:00 PM So Rusty kind of, you know, took care of the girls, helped take care of me to the best that he could.

Considering I, there was no helping me really, it was just, I had had to run its course and then it hit him about 11:00 PM that same night, and by the next morning, like 3:00 AM for me, I was able to drink water. I started to feel a little bit better, get in some electrolytes. By midday the next day, I was able to get a little bit of food down and like kind of just be moving forward.

So I was like, okay, 12 hour bug. Here we go. Rusty hit him at 11. He was literally down for the count the entire next day. Like he could not do anything. He couldn't get out of bed. He said that over the course of the night of the flu, he was like riding in pain on the floor and I was kind of like, shit, this hit him a lot harder than it hit me.

And then another day passes and I'm like, [00:05:00] okay, it's a 12 hour, a 12 hour bug here. You know, let's get back to, I need, I need you. And he just, he wasn't recovering and he started complaining of pain and his lower right side of his belly. And we thought he had strained something from the like intensity of, you know, what happens when you have a flu?

And then I started thinking, okay, maybe it's a hernia. And so then by, so that was Tuesday night. And then by. Like Friday, he started to feel a little bit better. We were a little, we were concerned, but kind of like, okay, it's, you know, remnants of the flu, et cetera. Started to feel a little bit better.

Friday we hung out with friends on Saturday, he was feeling better. And then Sunday we take, you know, we have Sunday morning waffles and like that didn't sit that well. We went for a walk, he had to pick the dogs up. One of our dogs is getting older, so pick her up to get her into the back of the truck.

And that didn't feel great. And we went for a little walk and at the end of it he was like, sh, I gotta go home, you know? And then we had family photos that afternoon. And he is I, I was like, do you want me to reschedule? He said, no. So he showed up. It was [00:06:00] fun, but he was really cold and he like couldn't regulate his temperature.

By the end of the family photos, he started to look pretty dang white and I was like, we need to wrap this up. We got home. Next morning he tried to call a doctor within our plan, and of course they were like, we'll see you in about two months, and that wasn't gonna fly. So he ended up going into urgent care to the walk-in clinic, and they looked at him.

They assessed all of his vitals. And because my husband is incredibly fit, And I shared a little bit more about this on social media, this idea of, you know, we're both very invested in CrossFit. He's a level one CrossFit trainer, which means he travels around the country and teaches the Level one seminar.

I actually did that back in 20 13, 20 14. So we have a lot of history with CrossFit and understanding the theory behind the, the program, basically the, the methodology. And there's one, one part of that theory where it is. All around this [00:07:00] continuum. It's called the sickness, wellness fitness continuum.

Basically every human falls somewhere on this continuum. Unfortunately, in our country, many people fall towards sick, and I'm not gonna get into like the theory of CrossFit, but we realized as he were going through this that Rusty falls so far on the fit side that going into urgent care, complaining of all of these symptoms, knowing his body, knowing something's not right.

His vitals still fell within the normal range, which I will say unapologetically that in our country those are very skewed. The quote unquote normal, the, that range keeps kinda getting pushed more towards the sickness side. So the doctor this, you know, looked at him and was like, eh, you know, come on back in if it gets worse, like shoulder shrug, I don't know, go home, didn't take a test, didn't draw any blood, nothing.

So Rusty goes home. Still feels like shit. Sleeps horribly next morning, gets up at 5:00 AM to go Coach CrossFit. His class is like, something is wrong with you. There's actually a gallon, one of his classes, he's a doctor and she was like, you [00:08:00] need to, you need to be seen. And so he gets home, he's like, absolutely something is not right.

Middle of the day, like arriving in pain, he folds over the couch, just like, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna drive you. And, and Indy was sleeping. He's like, I got it. Drives himself back. This is midday. I have the afternoon with the girls. Like trying not to stress, feeling anxiety, not knowing what's going on.

And he texts me, he's like, it's an appendix rupture. I was like, okay, this happens all the time, like taking deep breaths and then next text, they think it's been ruptured for five days. And for those of who know anything about appendix ruptures, which I have not really known much about it up until now, if it's ruptured for a, a long amount of time, you can go septic.

Basically you, you end up with like infection that spreads throughout your insides and it's very, very problematic and it can absolutely kill you. I mean, even like 60, he had one of his friends who's a firefighter and older than us, they were texting back and forth. He's like, 60 years ago you probably would've died, which is just so gnarly to think about.

So then I get another text, [00:09:00] I'm like trying to get the girls fed for dinner. And he is like, they're actually just gonna, the surgeon said we can get it out with a drain and. They're gonna keep me overnight, and then they're gonna come and they'll get, they'll drain it in the morning. I was like, okay, drain, that sounds good.

Everything's fine. Next texts come through. Actually they're gonna take me into surgery, right? N tonight. But they think they can do it orthoscopic. I was like, okay, orthoscopic great. Next text I get is like, absolutely not. They're gonna have to open me up, you know? I'm going in right now and I was like sitting there at the table with girls just trying to stay super calm, put him on speaker.

He says, you know, I love you. They all say, hi daddy, you know, et cetera. And I'm just like, here we go. And you know, I was like, can we come in and see you? And he, as I'm talking, they're like putting chords and stuff, attaching him to, you know, IVs and everything. And so think heavens, that we have the most solid community built up here.

If I ever needed more reason to believe that we made the correct decision in choosing this is our home and deciding not to [00:10:00] move. This was it because, I mean, people were at my call the second I said I needed help. People were here, so we had our friend Cam. I had her on call so that the moment I heard from the surgeon I could go to the hospital and be with him.

So the girls were sleeping, but he could come here or she could come here and then I could go see him in recovery. So I get the girls down and you know, at that point it's like adrenaline's carrying me. I'm just focusing on the girls, getting them down, all the things, and then they're asleep and I'm sitting on the couch and I am like physically shaking.

My body is shaking, waiting for this. I'm trying to work to get my mind off it. I get a call from the surgeon, I call three times because I have little patients. They could gimme nothing. This surgery's supposed to be like 45 minutes typically, and this is like four hours later, and I haven't heard anything so physically shaking.

My heart is racing. I've never been so scared of my life trying to keep the worst case scenarios outta my brain. Finally get a call from the surgeon and the, the tone of her voice was so disappointed and my heart literally fell in my vagina. I was. Crying. I was shaking. She's [00:11:00] talking and I'm not hearing anything.

All she starts talking about, like how they really wanted to go in orthoscopic, this, that, but this, that, and I was like, stop right now is my husband okay? And she like, I heard her go, oh shit. Like, you know, like I could see it. I could hear it in her voice. She's like, yes, he's fine. Like I don't care how he's fine.

I just need to know that he's fine. And so then they were able to transfer me to his nurse in recovery and no one is supposed to go in there. They're not supposed to be any visitors, but his nurse was phenomenal. Her name is Tanya. I adore her. She actually was like, if you can come right now, like within the next 10 minutes, I'm gonna, I'm gonna basically sneak you into recovery so you can be here when he wakes up.

So I got Cam, she came, the girls were sleeping, went to the hospital, a security guard comes and like sneaks me back into recovery and I'm there when he wakes up. And of course this guy, right? He's got a tube down his throat, pulling some red stuff out of his stomach. He's got, he's on oxygen, tons of IVs.

It took everything in me just to like take a deep breath and just show up and smile when he woke up. [00:12:00] First thing he says is, how are you? You know, it just, it's, he amazes me every single day in his strength, but especially through this. So I'm there as he's waking up. Like it's, it's scary. I don't know if any of you have, I'm sure many of you have been there in recovery or been with a loved one who's coming out of some sort of intense surgery, but it's scary.

Like he's, because of the anesthesia and whatnot, like there's moments where the nurse has to kind of like touch his chest to remind him to breathe. He's hooked all these things, and it'll just like flatline for a minute. It's like, Terrifying. And I'm like, didn't wanna leave him, but I have the girls at home.

It was just, it was a lot. And I held it together until I walked outta that hospital at like 11:00 PM just sobbing on the way home. And meanwhile, I get a text from Cam that India had woken up, no idea what's going on. Freaked out that I wasn't there. So I come home to like a, you know, hysterical baby. I'm able to just hold, unfortunately, we could kind of like cry together.

Told her like daddy's okay. I think we both needed that processing pretty badly. So didn't sleep, you know, up at four, let's do this day. And it was just like, from there it was just go [00:13:00] mode. It was like, okay, I, what, what are the things that I need to do? And you know, I was talking to my friend Kaylee, the same one who set up that GoFundMe over boxer.

And I've done a lot of processing in the past two weeks. And of course there's been, it's been, it's been fucking hard. I would be lying if I said it wasn't, and I have not been perfect. There's been times when I have not showed up holy for the girls or, you know, but. Overall, I do wanna acknowledge myself in this and I, I we're in, we have a, there's a weird thing in society where me saying, I'm gonna acknowledge myself in my whims, and I might sound egotistical, but I think we could all probably do a little bit more of this where I.

You know, I have put in the legwork in setting up rituals and routines for our family and setting up, you know, helping to grow this community here and the community of the podcast like you guys changed this experience for us in so many ways, whether it's just a space to process all the way to donating, supporting, however you could.

But I, I put in a lot of energy and effort into those things and it served us so well here because we have a morning routine. We have like our Easter ritual, we were still [00:14:00] able to maintain that because the girls have those constants in their life. I think that it made this whole experience easier on them and easier on me.

I still woke up and I got on, I lit a candle and I got on the ground and I flowed and I had my morning rituals, which grounded me through what was a very scary time. And we had our community. I was able to call someone and say, Hey, can you come be with the girls? People were reaching out from everywhere saying, how can I help?

And it was such a good lesson for me in surrendering to ex ask, not just accepting help, but also asking for it where I could. And you know, when Kaylee reached out about setting up the GoFund me, I was like, oh, uh, that feels weird, but also, We could absolutely use it. Rusty is a contracted employee or worker.

He has no pto, he doesn't have, you know, any of that, nor do I. And he's out of work and he missed multiple CrossFit seminars and he's supposed to start fire season on May 1st with a 50 pound, three mile trek. And there's a, there was just so much unknown. We're paying for [00:15:00] childcare, we're paying for meals out.

Like so many things, I'm having someone come clean the house next week because I need it, you know? And surrendering to accepting that help. And to stepping up where I can, but. Also resting where I can and allowing someone else to come in and support us. Allowing my mom to come up and help trusting that she would be that great source of help that she did show up and be for us.

There's so much, it's interesting because in that surrender there's a lot of empowerment and in that surrender I was able to show up as a better mom. So through this all I've learned a lot, you know? And that first, that week when he was in the hospital like that next day, going back in again, he is on oxygen.

He's got catheter like, it just, it was, it's hard to see. My guy who's been my rock, he's so strong. He's so solid, you know, losing a ton of weight, being in such a vulnerable state. He's got an incision from his pubic bone up to basically a sternum. He needed help with every single aspect of existence those first few days, and it's hard to see, but also like.

I could see the strength in his eyes [00:16:00] and I could see the trust in his eyes, and that really helped to kind of pull me through that scary time. Hello, friends, Laura here popping in real quick to rave about my current favorite product from Paleo Valley. Have you tried their whey protein yet? Not only are they absolutely delicious, And deeply nourishing, but bonus points because they also have colostrum, which heals repairs and gives our bodies the extra boosts we need for motherhood work, working out all the things.

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Don't wait. Go grab yours and save 15% with Code Modern Mamas. It's paleo valley.com/modern. Mamas enjoy. I think it [00:17:00] was so he was on just barely, he know this guy like does not want anything to do with morphine, but in order for a body to heal that there has to be some pain management and so, He had access to the little pump, you know, and so for the first couple days he was on like minimal amounts of morphine.

It was so great when he was off it that first day we, that he was totally like pained free. We were able to sit together and just like, like we sat in the hospital and we held hands and we both cried as we openly in a very real and raw way kind of through. Each of the moments that we, we both had multiple moments where it was like the worst case scenario passed through our brains, you know, as there, he understood the enormity of it as they were prepping him for surgery.

I don't think it really hit me until the girls were sleeping. We had a, a moment to sit and think through and talk through, like, okay. I, there was a moment when I was like, When he, he, you know, he was talking about how there was moments when I pictured what it would be like if I, if I left you guys behind.

And so really he, you know, he said like, it was us. It was me. It was the girls that just like rooted him into like, I will survive this. [00:18:00] And the nurses and the surgeon just couldn't believe, you know, his strength through it all, his pain tolerance through it all five days with a ruptured appendix, intense, you know, and the way he came out of recovery and.

You know, we're, we're in the hospital and he's like, as soon as they gave him clearance, like he's like trying to walk laps around the hospital, but also tuning into his body and, you know, not doing too much. It was just really powerful to witness as someone who loves him so much, seeing his vulnerability, but then also in that vulnerability really like witnessing his, his strength.

And I just, you know, fall more in love with him all the time. So it's mushy. It's cushy, but it's, it's the truth and I'm like, not gonna apologize for that. And then same for me. You know, I, we sat, I sat, when we sat there, I explained like my worst. Thoughts and like, what if he doesn't come out of this and picturing myself as a single mom and just, you know, what, how would the girls, it just worst case because you have to say those things aloud.

At least I do. I'm a verbal processor. That's why I've had a podcast with Jess for, you know, going on six years here. Saying it aloud kind of helps me to release it. And crying together was really huge. So [00:19:00] it's been powerful. He is home. He was in the hospital for a week. We got that clearance for him to come home.

And that that had been the goal. Like let's just get him home, get him home, and then he's home and he can't do anything. And that was like a next, the first couple days of having him home was actually really hard in and of itself, and this reality check of like, okay, he's home now. He still can't do anything.

And now any little scare, like a temperature spike or, we had a couple other odd side effects from a medication that were very unnerving and I don't have a surgeon or a nurse there to just ask questions, you know? And also he, to go to the bathroom or to walk to the kitchen or whatever it is, like he just was moving a lot more do the nature of being home versus in that tiny little hospital room.

So I think it. It has ultimately really progressed his healing more quickly because of the mental health component of being at our house with our family. But the first two days he regressed a little bit and that was hard. And also the reality of like, oh, this is gonna be a long journey to healing because [00:20:00] I'm seeing it now, like when we're in our day to day and how little he can do that.

Said he's now been home for a week and we are now seeing some pretty. Awesome jumps and leaps in his recovery and his ability to move. He's gone. We've gone for some walks together outside. He's able to eat food like all the food again. And so many of you know that food is truly my love language, preparing, nourishing food, feeding the people that I love.

And so that's been. Really, really, I think cathartic for me. We've had people bring over, you know, their own like grassfed beef phones and so many eggs and our friends from the farm Quim brought us there like taken bake sourdough pizzas. And so we have some, you know, daily harvest meals, like we have some easy button meals.

And then also I'm able to like bring in all the nourishment like crowd and I'm having so much fun. Supplementing him, and so that's been really great. We've got our wish garden tinctures. We've got all the paleo valley, like the organ complex and the vitamin C, and then the neuro one just helping his brain and [00:21:00] body and mind, and every cell, you know, and his gut heal from this.

Today's officially off antibiotics, so now we're just moving forward with steps to allow him and support him to heal. And there's a lot of power in that. And then I'm also realizing that, you know, I have some healing to do in processing this, the fear there. And then also just going like two weeks straight on pure adrenaline.

And one thing that was very helpful for me in that healing process was actually having, first of all, my mom came out in like the throes of him. Coming home from the hospital and she showed up. I mean, she was with the girls for like three, four hours stretches at a time. I actually had a sourdough sisterhood workshop lined up months in advance, and I was able to still do that from six to 8:00 PM the day he came home, which was this combination of like insanely exhausting to my core and also so cut filling and restorative.

I don't really understand how that worked, but it did. The power of the sour sisterhood, I swear, but. And then [00:22:00] like two days later, my sister came and she came over the course of a weekend and Rusty at this point was on a trajectory of like clearly getting a little bit better every day. It was this actually this past weekend and I finally got to just like feel like deep joy and have fun again.

We went to one of our favorite places on the whole peninsula, Finn River. The girls just got to run and be free and play on these tires. And in the in the orchard, my sister and I got to talk and like express our. Gratitude for Rusty's Health and like our own mental health stuff. And she's kinda like really hashed a lot of that out.

It was very, very, very powerful. And I got to cook for her, which again, love language, it just like fills my cup. And she helped so much with the girls. And the girls just adore her. She's an artist and so it, and I think her and Evie are very, they're very much kindred souls and it's really, really incredible to watch them together.

So another silver lining is that Indy is really, Coming out of her shell in terms of, you know, we've had, it's the same four people, we've had four different people coming over pretty much every morning so that I can maintain, again, circling back to the [00:23:00] rituals, I'm able to maintain the rituals and routines that keep me grounded.

So I'm still able to get work workout time in that self-care component to get some work time in that self-care component. And also it feels, you know, fulfilling. I love the work that I do. And so that's been really powerful and she's becoming more and more comfortable. Like I refuse to leave her at the house if she's upset and she's finishing up, or I'm, I'm leaving the house.

And she's blowing the kisses and she's finding peace and joy with new people and new faces, and that's been really cool as well. And once again, just the power of the community to really like, embrace us, support us, take care of us in this season has been, It's been like nothing I've ever really experienced before.

So through all the hardship and the stress and the fear and the mental load that's felt heavier than I could I've ever experienced in my life, I feel like we've shown up as a family. And then also our community both far and wide and near, near, far and wide have all really showed up to us in the most incredible ways.

And there have been silver [00:24:00] linings and I'm sure we'll look back. In a month, two months, three months from now. And those will be that much clearer cuz we're still very much in it. But it's also been really powerful to see his healing and to watch his strength through all of this. So that's the latest here.

And then his mom is actually coming today. She drove out from Wyoming. She is a warrior, road warrior goddess, and just the most incredible grandma and she is gonna arrive this evening. And actually be here. So I'm recording this on a Wednesday. She's staying all the way through the following Tuesday. And once again, I've had this plan to, so one of my best friends in the entire world, her name is Kelsey, and we've been friends for years and years.

I haven't seen her since we lived in the van and drove out to the East coast. She lives in Maryland. We, at the time, she was living in Pennsylvania and we were out there and we gotta spend that time together and we're like, oh, you know, I'll see you in the next year. We're gonna make a, a trip happen. And then like, covid and babies and like, we haven't seen each other in three plus years.

And so, [00:25:00] We've had this trip planned for months. She's flying out here to CAC my, our airport and I'm gonna meet her and then she's gonna get on the foot ferry and we're gonna meet up in Bainbridge Island, which is about an hour and a half from me. And I got an Airbnb and I'm like, do I, am I, I'm I canceling this, what's happening?

And you know, rusty with the, out of the goodness of his heart, his mom was already planning on coming out to help him with the girls while I was gone. And now, I'm still gonna do it. And so my, my biggest stress there is, you know, he's not quite able to like lift indie and all that yet, and I'm gonna try the first night and just go, unfortunately, it's only an hour and a half away.

And we have, again, a community set up where I figure like, worst case. Someone will just bring Indy to me and I will have her over the course of the weekend. But it's one of those things where it's like there's so many emotions. I'm so excited. There's also guilt, which I know is an unproductive emotion, but it is an emotion and it's okay to acknowledge that, that I feel guilt, a little bit of stress, anxiety, but I just, I know that I [00:26:00] need this time with her.

And again, a testament to the power of like friendship and sisterhood and community. And taking time to do these things. You know, we're gonna eat good food, all the sourdough croissants, sourdough pizza. We're gonna go on walks, we're gonna drink some delicious cider. We're gonna go back to Fin River and do the things that I know that my body, mind, and soul really need.

Connect deeply with her. Come home and show up even more fully as a mom and a wife, and an employee and podcast co-host, and all the things you know, all the hats that I wear. So I share that in case you want a reminder, need a reminder. To ensure that you're doing the things that fill your cup. You might not be in Engram seven, so for you it might not be a weekend on Bainbridge Island like it is for me with a best friend, whatever that is.

Maybe it's like snuggling in getting a, I have a friend who just recently. Like needed a break from everything. She was overwhelmed and she like checked into what she calls like hotel, grandma, grandma and grandpa. Cause her parents had this like big house. They have a whole upstairs that is secluded from the rest.

And so she [00:27:00] went and like checked herself in like a hotel and spent two nights and just did her thing and like didn't talk to anybody. You know? And that might be what fills your cup. So I think it just comes down to like figuring out what fills your cup. And not just doing those things when you're in a state of like immense stress or emergency, because some oftentimes we can't.

But if you're making time for those little things over the course of the every day when these types of things come up, you're not already at such a deficit. And that's what I'm learning, you know, about myself and about life in general. There's so many things that are, can come as curve balls and we have to take care of ourselves.

Or those curve balls can just really kind of like decimate, you know? So anyways, that is the latest here. Thanks for hearing me ramble a bit. I did get some questions from some listeners on Instagram and one of them is just so sweet. How are you truly doing? I've been thinking of you and your family and I think I was pretty honest here.

I mean, there were some moments that were really hard and one another thing that I think is really important to share too is [00:28:00] just like, first of all, Evie's. Immense empathy for a five and a half year old, it still blows me away. And the power of, since she was an itty bitty baby, and we're doing it with India as well, taking our go-to kind of as a family, as if we're under immense stress and we feel like we're gonna like, I know personally, if I feel like I'm gonna snap or break, I just try to pause, stop and take some deep breaths.

So there's been a few, and she knows that because we always tell her too, if she's spiraling a bit, we'll say, Evie, just take a couple of deep breaths with me, you know? So there's, I have a vivid memory of being in our bedroom and it's like the bedtime shuffle, man. I, I feel like a lot of you can probably relate, but it's like making dinner, eating dinner, cleaning up, have a baby-led weaning baby who just throws shit everywhere.

So getting her cleaned up, getting that cleaned up, getting them in the bath, Jamm's books, juggling like the two kids at bedtime. There was a couple evenings where I just felt like I was going to break, you know? And so I remember vividly one of 'em, I'd just gotten a diaper on a very rambunctious. Baby.

And [00:29:00] then something was going on. Evie was coming at me with something and I just, I felt so immensely overwhelmed in that moment that I like bent over our nightstand and like put my hands braced myself and just started taking like some really, really, really deep breaths. And because of the way we've talked about this with Evie and also just, I think because of her nature, I can't, I def we definitely can't take all the credit.

She's just a very empathetic, incredible human. She knows that if I'm taking deep breaths, like she doesn't really a, she won't ask what's wrong. She will just come over and she just wrapped her arms around me and like, it brought me just to tears because she knew what I needed in that moment, you know?

And I think in my imperfections over the course of the past couple weeks, and in life in general, you know, they, they see that I'm not perfect. But they also know that, that I'm, I'm trying, and it shows them, it models for them that, no, nobody's perfect. And we can say, I'm sorry. And we can keep trying. We can take deep breaths and we can, we, you know, we can do hard things.

And I think that that's, it's pretty powerful to be able to go through something hard and come out and for them to witness [00:30:00] that and not to like, keep secrets, you know, keep them informed on the basics that they need to know, show for them. And it's, it's powerful stuff. So. How am I doing? Uh, right now I'm doing pretty well.

It's ebbs and flows and my husband is well and he's home and I'm now looking at his face. He's very handsome and he's smiling. And so that is, that's all I could ask for. And Andy's napping and evie's at four school and we have someone from the gym, one of our good friends coming, and she's gonna help us with pickup.

And we're supported and we're loved, and we're well fed and we're nourished and yeah. Grammy's on her way. So thank you for asking. And then some other questions were more just about the, the surgery and what happened, and I covered that. And then there's a really lovely question about how I manifest things and events in my life.

And I feel like I've talked enough by myself. But I'm going to note this, and Hailey, this will be our next topical because I love this question. Something I wanna sit [00:31:00] down and maybe jot some notes down. But I believe that every single I, I, I will just touch on it, that every single, you know, Action that we take can be an intentional step towards manifestation.

I'm definitely not like a throw your hands up and you know, kind of like just let's let things be what they'll be. Everything happens for a reason kind of person. I believe that manifestation takes effort, it takes energy, it takes speaking into the universe, the things that we want, and then taking action to make those things come to fruition.

And so Rusty and I are very, very, Clear with what we want and communicating that to each other, what we need, what's hard, what's good, and just making sure. I think that I'll just leave it with this, is that communi communication is key with whoever that person is. Maybe it's just yourself. Maybe it's like speaking aloud before bed, the things that you want.

Maybe it's writing them down or maybe it's your partner or a best friend or a sister or a mom, but saying them, saying what you want. And then actively seeking those [00:32:00] things. I think those are really important parts. And just coming to the clarity of what is it that you actually want? You can't manifest something if you're unsure of what that thing is that's, that's going to, you know, make the difference for you.

So I'll start there, but we'll do a full episode on that. And again, in the meantime, just thank you all for the support for listening to this episode, just having the opportunity to record this is very cathartic in and of itself. And thank you to Jess for the continued support for. You know, recording a solo episode so that I could have space and time with my family.

And then bringing on Becca for a fun guest co-host episode. And then yeah, for you all listening in, tuning in. We're grateful for you. If you want kind of the real and raw while we were in the very depths in the beginning, you can join our Patreon community because I did. I was like two days post-op. I, Jess and I recorded an episode.

It was a bit chaotic. Andy woke up. But if you wanna kind of hear, be a fly on the wall for that. Join us over there. You know, there's real rock episodes, bonus episodes there, early [00:33:00] access to swag and events and texting and zoom hangs and flows and recipes, all kinds of fun stuff happening there. So check that out.

And in the meantime, again, thank you for being here. If you love the podcast, if you could just share with people you love, that would mean the world. Let's get into more ears and let's. Connect with more like-minded and maybe even differently minded mamas cuz that's what keeps life interesting and gives us space to grow.

Okay, that's enough of me. Have a wonderful day. Thank you for listening, and we will chat next week. Bye. Come on. I dunno what to say. Thanks for listening to our podcast. See you next time. Thanks for listening to our podcast. See you next time. Bye.[00:34:00]