MMP Ep 331: Ups, Downs & All Arounds

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Hi friends! Welcome to the Modern Mamas podcast. We are two modern mamas here to inspire, empowerment, self love, deep physical and spiritual nourishment, holistic health, open minds, and joy, no matter your journey or perspective. I'm Laura of Radical Roots. I'm a certified CrossFit trainer, certified nutrition consultant, and mama to Evie Wilder and Indie Bow.

I love outdoor adventure, good food, especially sourdough. And mindful movement. And I'm Jess of Hold the Space Wellness. I am a level one CrossFit trainer, a licensed and certified athletic trainer with a master's in kinesiology, and Mama Tiberian Camille. I love food, trying new things, creating art, and being a perpetual learner.

Please note that while we're here to provide advice and insights, we aren't medical practitioners, and always recommend that you check with a trusted provider before implementing any changes. Thanks for joining us. We're so happy you're here. [01:13:00] Good morning, and welcome to another episode of the Modern Mamas, Modern Mamas podcast.

We be those Modern Mamas. I'm tongue tied over here. . That's what Indy does when she wants water. She says, she says water. So now every time I hear I anyone do that, I'm like, oh, I got you. Need some water. . I like that. I like that. I wanna because you know like the sign for water is three fingers and you touch your lip.

Yes. Mm-hmm. . And that just somewhere along the line turned into her, like with her lips. And now like, It's so funny when she gets really fired up, like when she really wants water, she's like, Get like, so loud, and it is the cutest thing I ever hoped. She never stops. So now like does that I'm like, depending on my mood, I'm like, these words, or like, super cute.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, there's tons of like, little things like that, but we watch videos. I don't know if this is normal or what, but we constantly watch videos from when like the kids were younger, like they always [01:14:00] want to see like, show me that one video. We have like classics And we were looking at one of Kami, it's just so cute, but she used to have like everything, she used to have like a very pronounced lisp.

And I just like, it's, to me, it's sad when those, when those little things go away. I'm just like, oh, she's just like a fully functioning kid right now with like, no less. How dare she? So I had, I had a moment of that, this for my birthday, which is this last weekend. Cause Evie says for as long as she could speak, she says birthday.

And I had this moment where she's like singing me happy birthday in the back of the car. And we're driving to go camping and I had this moment where I was like, like, now this could be the last birthday that she says it that way. Like, time is wild. I know I do that all the time, but damn. Yeah, it is. And those, like, you saying stuff like that's a good reminder to me because.

I just, it goes really fast and I'm really trying to just lean hard into my babies right [01:15:00] now. Yeah. Oh, I feel that. I mean, it does go fast. It's wild. Like, I don't know. I think I've shared on here. I don't remember what I've shared anywhere. I feel like just my brain is like scrambled, but We're having to, like, Bear's going to be in sixth grade next year, and we're looking at, like, where he's going to go next year.

He's going to go to public school, we're, like, looking at all these, like, They not go to the Montessori anymore? So they go till six, but our thought was, like, to just transition him with those incoming, like, wherever he goes, like, Oh, yeah. To transition him with, like, the incoming kids of that. Age group, like whatever school we choose and so yeah, it's over at six, which I mean, if all else fails, we'll keep them there another year until we like have to decide.

But, um, yeah, speaking of like going fast, it's like they're like asking you questions like does your kid is your kid interested in like your book club and like national like we're out of like he's still plays with Legos. Okay. [01:16:00] Don't rush my baby. He is not going to middle school. So anyways, yeah, it goes fast.

It's wild. So fast, yeah. Yeah. And just to comment on like current events. I know, I don't, we don't even make the episode about this, but there's just a lot of heaviness in the world and I want to acknowledge it. And it makes me look at my babies that much more, I love them with my whole heart. I feel like it's not possible to love them more.

Just like hugging them extra this week and like wanting to slow down time and everything else in my world feels so In moments where I'm like everything feels so trivial. I think that's really been like my ceiling in it That's been a ripple effect just as we move into fall and things slow down I'm like all like work and tasks and all of it just feels like right now just really insignificant in many ways and I it all oscillates and waves but Just, like, want to squeeze them and, like, pause time and just, like, climb into our states and, like, wanting to stay home a little bit more.

Granted, we just had a week of, like, being on the go and a bunch of adventuring that was super cup filling, but now I'm just, like, want to hunker down in [01:17:00] our little house and, like, snuggle my babies and never let them go. So, I think it's just all compounded, like, birthdays, transitions are very reflective for me and then this day in the world is just really intense right now and I can only consume And I'm, I don't say that like with shame, like I'm consuming what feels appropriate to me in order to be able to still show up fully for my girls because that's, that's motherhood, right?

Anyways, Mary Rambley, I want to acknowledge what's happening in the world that there is, I don't really, I don't have the words and I'm not a person to come to for the words necessarily, but just want to acknowledge that. People are being killed, and there is more, and it is scary, and it is hard, and I just want to hug my baby's extra tight pained owl.

Those are some thoughts, and I wish I had more eloquent words to speak of it all, but I also don't want to make this episode about this, because I think we could all use a little levity. Yeah. Those are words. Yeah. I don't really have anything to add to [01:18:00] that. I think you... Took the words out of my brain, but yes, I think it's just it's yeah, I'm not even gonna try.

Thank you Yeah, thank you for acknowledging that This stuff it feels important to acknowledge But also I don't feel like I have the words to give it the magnitude that it all deserves And so I'm gonna let other people do that. Um, my friend Adina, many of you know her, she is one of the voices behind Get the get you should do the podcast and she's lovely.

She's been on the podcast, her coach has been on the podcast, all good people. Anyway, she, if you are curious about more about what's going on or like want to hear it firsthand from someone who's living over there in Israel, you can go check her stuff out, Adina Rubin. So I feel like I'd rather just elevate her voice and let her speak to the things versus me.

Just over here, continuing what I can, acknowledging what's going on, loving my babies really fucking hard, and still, it's like, we talk about this all the time, and this, we can ripple back into, catch up some life, and joy, because everything can coexist, [01:19:00] we can feel heaviness, and then we can feel joy, we can feel heaviness, and empathy, and heartbreak, and like, love, and gratitude for what we have, and like, If you're in that space where maybe it's even oscillating throughout the day, because that's how it is for me, that's okay.

Whatever you're feeling is what you're feeling and it's valid. Thanks, friend. Anyways, life. Yeah, life is just one big rollercoaster over here. I don't know about how it's going for y'all, Bruiners. Yeah. I know. It sure feels good. Yeah. Is Rusty home? Are you? He is. Okay. And he's also in a stage where like, sometimes when she wakes up in the morning, he could be like, cuddling her and holding her and she's just like, ah, man.

So just because he's home doesn't guarantee that I won't be needed soon. So I'll share. Yeah. Why don't you go first? 36. I had my birthday over the weekend. Happy birthday! Thank you. And honestly, it was like this weird series of events that wasn't all because of my birthday or in honor of my birthday, but it ended up being like, to be honest, one of the best weeks of my [01:20:00] life.

I can fully say that. And I can also come into this year thinking like, I truly mean it when I say every year just keeps getting better. And I think a lot of that's just perspective. This past summer was like, it was hard. But now coming over the other side of rusty season winding down and I just feel like that much more joy and I feel like I have I've told a different couple of different friends this like via box and catching up lately that like, I think before the start of this specific week, I was feeling more in balance.

It's like I can actually use that word than I had in a very long time. Like the transition from just like juggling bouncy balls to like, Oh, I had moments of like, I feel balance because there's been some expectations that weren't met. With CrossFit work that have actually, like we talked about last week, I believe it's like you sang the song, you might not get what you want, but you get what you need.

And that's been becoming more clear in this season. He officially has a off season job with the DNR in forestry. We found that out about the same time. As he comes out of this season, he'll be working four 10s, which for our [01:21:00] family, I think would be really great. He'll work from 6. 30 to 5 p. m. And that is like, I think that's Monday through Thursday, so we'll always have Fridays off.

And we've just had a lot of clarity coming where we didn't. He starts the forestry job Monday, so there will be no more dispatches. Barring, I think fire could pull him back if there's like some gnarly fire that breaks somewhere, but I don't know if it's just our part of the world or country, but fall hit hard and, and real here, it's like falls here and that feels good.

It's, we don't have this, it hasn't been as like oscillating as last summer where it was like really hot. Last weekend playing into the best week ever. Last weekend was gorgeous. It was like low seventies. Sunshine. I did all my favorite things. I saw a bunch of my favorite people. It was very cool. So I took that like final weekend of like heat and now it's like fall feels like it's very much here and there's just a lot of good.

I'm feeling very, very grateful to live where we do to be surrounded by the people that I am in this 36th year of life. It's just it's cool. So [01:22:00] anyways, the week started off last weekend On Saturday, I went, my friend Brittany and I, we haven't gotten time like just us, with our kids, in a long time, and so we went to this, first I took the girls, we went to Farmer's Market, down in Sequim, which is about 30 minutes from us, stopped at Farmer's Market, I got my favorite coffee, there was like a monster, veggie monster making booth for the kids, so, they got to take a veggie and like, with, what are those called, toothpicks and whatnot, like, Plug in faces and with fruits and veggies.

It was very sweet. And then we went to this wilderbee pumpkin patch, which is an organic pumpkin patch. It's also has a meadery, which is like cider, but made with honey. It's like a very ancient fermentation process. So they have mead. And so my friend and I sipped a little bit of mead and then we went and got pumpkins with the kids.

And then we went to shin river at the best crepes ever for my friend who runs the little spruce creperie. Truck just hung out in the sunshine. The kids played. It was just my cup felt so full and then on the drive home Got home and then Rusty was home and we got to just settle into the night and then the next day was my birthday and woke up [01:23:00] and Made sourdough apple pancakes and loaded up the car and went camping with friends and I'd easy button pushed I kind of like ceremonially put away our camping gear From the summer, thinking it was going to be pretty cold, but it ended up being, it would have been definitely warmer not to camp in the tent.

But at the same time, Rusty took his one personal day from the season he hadn't used yet for my birthday, and he had to wake up really early the next morning to get back to the station. Didn't really want to deal with like, camp cleanup and all that on my own. We got this really sweet little cabin, and it has like a bunk bed with a full on the bottom and a little twin on top that Evie slept in.

We got to the campsite, went for a hike, met up with our friends, went to this place called which is like an oyster farm on the Hood Canal and they have these little wooden A frames over like big beautiful picnic tables and so we got one of those tables and you're overlooking the water and there's like fires blazing, big wooden fires.

The best food, I got this like pork soup and a carrot soup and fresh local bread and dipping all the things and my friends all ate [01:24:00] oysters, I can't do seafood but they looked amazing. That's what they're obviously known for. And we had cinnamon river cider. And we came back to the site and our friend's campsite walked right down to this river.

And it's, it was like nothing I'd ever seen in my life. So salmon are plentiful up here and they have this life cycle that my friend Joe was telling me about where they're like, I don't need to go into the whole life cycle of a salmon, but basically they were on their run back from saltwater to freshwater to lay the eggs and die there.

And start to cycle all over again. You look out at this river and it's just fish everywhere, like splashing coming up, surfacing. They're trying to find the spots to lay their eggs. It was the coolest. Then we made dinner at the campsite and just sat her on the fire till like 10 went to bed. It's Evie's, our family friends we've met through the forest school and their daughter and Evie are like best buddies and then they have a 10 year old who, 11 year old who like just has a kid or scare to Indy and so they're just like connected up to him.

And Indi, her name's Lupin, and Indi calls her Whoopin. That's the cutest. That's why also, like, [01:25:00] coming off a summer of being so solo all the time, to like, being with these friends, having Rusty there, and then also having Lupin there, and then their other daughter's name is Althea, and Indi calls her Pia, and it's just, it's the sweetest.

Like, Indi was so content with her best bud. Indy was like, usually it's just like, hold you all day, but she was so content with Lupin and Rusty was there and we just ate good food and brought a bottle of dry farm wine and it was, and I made apple butter, sour apple butter cake and we ate that around the fire and we woke up the next morning and in our campsite, the elk were coming through.

So like, I'm not on a walk. I was like, cause I get up early. And I, I look up and there is like a whole herd of elk coming through the campsite. So obviously you want to keep your distance, they're not friendly beasts. But as long as they're alone, it's just so majestic. And Evie and Rusty are watching through the cabin window, and it was just like, just like, goosebumps, head to toe.

It was so cool to live where we do. And again, just like, reiterating that, for me, validating where we live. And the fact that we can drive less, like an hour, camp. Beyond the Hood Canal, see these elk and the salmon, and we saw eagles, and like, this is my dream. I'm [01:26:00] so grateful, like so deeply grateful. Yeah, and then we cruised home, picked up coffee, and deslept, and then I was like straight into the week.

That was Monday morning. And then things got a little, oh, but before that, I did want to share to my friends, the barbers. Came up from California and they're visiting friends in Spokane, Washington, but they flew into Seattle, Seattle, if you know the geography here and jumped on the ferry and we spent a night on Bainbridge Island with them and it worked out that it was Rusty's weekend and because his season's winding down, he was able to drive the hour and a half and be that far from the station because there's like no fire danger here right now.

So on his weekend, he was able to go on a Wednesday, Thursday, randomly, we spent the night with them. It was so fun, everything I needed. And then on the drive home, we like, went hiking, and it was just like, a week filled with family time, and I had, I was creating it so badly, and there's literally not a better gift I could ask for, like, I don't want stuff for my birthday.

I just want time with my people, doing the things I love, and I got that. And it started early, like, got to see my best friends, and that was just by chance, it wasn't like they came for my [01:27:00] birthday. That was Wednesday, Thursday. And then Saturday, got to see my friend Brittany, and spend that day with her, and then, Sunday we camped and that's like my absolute favorite and it's like those days were so great and having time with Rusty, I could see the girls cup getting filled with time with their dad and time in nature, especially for Evie missing forest school.

So just it was a really good week. We ate good food. We didn't like eat out and it wasn't like glamorous. My one of my favorite meals was just around the campfire. Just a really special way to round out the year and also transition into fall and all of that and get news about Rusty. But while we were camping, he got news that he got the forestry job.

So things are, they're good here. They're heavy. Like it, and again, coexisting, right? Like my, I feel grateful for my life. I feel like things are falling into place out of the way they should be. And I also feel the weight of the world and those can coexist. So yeah, that's the latest here. Work is good. I'm finding balance.

Kirsten finished my, the croissant. So Kirsten, many of you have done the podcast multiple times. Kirsten, she ended up doing the photos for my croissants. And [01:28:00] she sent them to me yesterday, and I was like, Are they amazing? They're amazing. I'll send you one. She just, she nailed it. They're beautiful. And like, even over and above that, she sent me a voxer about the photos being ready.

And then she also said that her, they're moving soon. And so they went to go visit the base where they're moving to her husband's military. And they went to their friend's like favorite coffee shop and it's like also a bakery and there's these croissants there and this is not supposed to be like a cat myself on the back.

It's just I'm sharing an experience that like filled my cut. Her husband had obviously just eaten the croissants that she made for my recipe. And so they got croissants at this place and she can't eat them because they're not fermented. But he said that he's like the ones you made with Laura's recipe.

We're better. Aww. And it's just like, she, again, I was like tearing up. It's like the little things. It's so trivial, perhaps, but it means a lot. I've been wanting to put this out for a long time. That will be coming out within, I think I'm going to launch it like a week from Monday or sometime next week. I don't have a set date, but really excited to launch that.

It's going to be just like a mini ebook resource that people can purchase. [01:29:00] With all the photos and step by step and I'm trying to make it very clear like here's three different options for timelines because I know that's what overwhelms people about sourdough stuff is like, when do I start it? When do I have to get back to it?

It's like very clearly outlining timelines, three different options based on when you want to bake and when you want to start it. And so I'm just really excited about that. Um, just simplifying, demystifying the sourdough croissant, heavy, like not heavy, it felt big to me for a long time. So yeah, that's coming up the pipeline, I've launched some sourdough swag, which has been really fun to see people buying like sweatshirts and beanies and stuff.

And, yeah, also trying to just, I scheduled a virtual, people have been asking and asking for a virtual workshop, and I feel like I'm a broken record. Scheduled one based on people's feedbacks, I did a survey, within three hours I canceled it. Well, I just, I don't have it, I don't have the space right now. I don't want to give up a Saturday morning to be on my computer.

Gotcha. I want that time with my family. And I, like, was getting Indie that, I launched it in the morning. I had, like, [01:30:00] one or two people register. Was putting Indie down for a nap. I'm laying there and everything in my body was like, Don't do it. If I'm gonna do workshops, I'd rather do them in person. I'm just needing that.

And... It's hard, I also, I was, okay, I'm going to launch this first to the people who filled out my survey and were interested. And then like, I just didn't, I don't know, I feel like everyone's got too much going on right now. The world has too much going on right now. It just doesn't feel like the right time I'm going to, and it's like the weekends are filling up already over fall and I don't want that anyways, I, but I am, I have an in person one coming early November.

I'm excited for that. And then that just feels more what I want to do right now. And then I am going to do the online course. It's coming, I promise. I just can't tell you when. That might be like a new year, new launch kind of thing. So, I feel like that's mostly what's going on here. Things are good. Life is good.

It's, yeah, up, down, all around, in between. Shields. I love. It sounds like you had a wonderful birthday and were [01:31:00] celebrated and got to do all your favorite things. It was special. That's really awesome. Yeah. It's getting hot in here. So take a, wait. It's not that kind of podcast, but it is getting hot in here, and I need to fill you in on one of my latest obsessions from Paleo Valley.

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paleovalley. com forward slash modern mamas and get 15 percent off your order. No code needed. Trust me, your body will thank you. But yeah, how are you? How are all your projects? How are your kids? How's life? I'm trying to think. We haven't got to catch up in a while. Yeah. Yeah. I, first of all, I want to say you were like, when you were like last weekend, it was like warm.

It was in set like last day of last days of summer in the seventies. And now we're ready for fall. And I'm like thinking that is, and it's just hilarious to me. Oh my gosh. We did have a cold front. I'll just say that. I feel like it was significant. Oh my God. It did get [01:33:00] lower. We were in, I was in the hill country this past weekend for a retreat, which I'll share more about, but it was like.

in the 60s in the morning, which felt incredible. But then of course it warmed up to the 80s during the day, which still felt incredible, honestly. But yeah, it just made me chuggle to myself. I was like, Oh man. Yeah, I don't think I could do it. It's my friend hard. My friend Nadia lives out there. She's awesome.

And It was like a few weeks ago, she was like, she'll post what she's making because she's wanting it to be fall. So she posted like, it's a beautiful photo of a girl drinking spinach soup, but then she'll post the temperature, and it was like a hundred and thirty. Oh my god. It's like we're trying our best to get into the season.

We're getting there. It's definitely significantly cooler because when it's like over a hundred, like constantly non stop for months and months, even like 90, 92 fills, that's like, Like 10 plus degree difference, which is [01:34:00] like, makes a big, makes a really big difference in like your mood and like your ability to go outside and all that.

So anyways, we're getting there. We were talking again, I think we've talked about this on the podcast. It's like we have like reverse seasonal depression here in Texas. It's like the summer is just so brutal. And then once the first cold snap comes, we're like, the serotonin is like flowing. It's just great.

It's great. Okay, anyways, I haven't even shared, so have I talked about BAMF? No. Okay. Gosh, it's been a while. You were like gearing up to go. Yeah. Yeah. And it looked absolutely amazing. Oh my god, it was incredible. It was. So let me start there, because getting to BAMF was a little bit... challenging. So we left, I flew out of San Antonio and it was great.

It was so just interesting because it was like the whole week leading up to leaving. I left on Thursday. I was like, not excited and which [01:35:00] sounds horrible, but like, I was like, I have so much to do. I haven't even packed. Like I've got to get, like, I had a bunch of recipes to shoot. I had a bunch of photos to edit and deliver before I left.

And I just, like, wasn't able to, like, wrap my mind around the fact that, like, I'm going to go to Canada, like, tomorrow. And so it wasn't until, like, I actually, like, finished everything on my list that I was like, oh my gosh, I'm going on this trip to this beautiful place. I'm so excited. I'm going to be with my friends.

And so that was, I wish I could have tapped into more of the anticipation and the joy leading up to it before I had everything off my plate. But it was nice to, like, really feel that relief of, like, oh, I am really excited about this. And so anyways, flew out of San Antonio and one of the other gals who, she's not on my team, but she's like on Cassie, my mentor's team as well, she lives here in San Antonio, we were on the same flight leaving, we were supposed to go to Dallas and then from Dallas, we're supposed to go to Banff and we were both flying in a day early because of the travel time and we [01:36:00] wanted to get there early so that the first day in Banff wasn't just like full of travel, you know.

And we're sitting in the airport, and our flight's getting delayed, and our flight's getting delayed. This is our first leg. This is like, we're just waiting to get on a plane for the first time. It's getting delayed, and it's getting delayed, and they're like, finally we get on the flight, and they're like, we should have no problem.

This is, I've, this is the first time I think I've flown American in a long time. Usually I'm a Southwest gal, but spoiler alert, Southwest doesn't fly to Canada, or at least this part of Canada. And so we were like, all right, and they're like, we should be able to make your connecting flights. We're not that far behind.

We're getting there. And we're like, Whoa, this is, we flew into Dallas and the flight attendant on the plane was like, y'all will make it like no problem. They'll hold the plane for you, blah, blah, blah. So we're like, okay, cool. But we're still like running. Because literally we have like 15 minutes until the flight's supposed to [01:37:00] leave.

But, Dallas airport is huge, so we have to get on the Skylink, and we're just like, there's nothing you can do on the Skylink. You're just waiting until your stop. Like, you can't make it go any faster. And we literally were there and the flight was supposed to take off at 6. 54 and I got to the gate at 6.

50 and the lady was like, sorry, we just closed it. We can't open it for you. We gave up your seat, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, like, did you cry? I didn't cry outright, but I got tears in my eyes. Like I didn't sob, which I have some before back in the day, like missing in a similar situation, but I was like, Are you I was just like there's no like nothing you can do.

Like are you serious? Like we just Like, because they can see, and they told us, they're like, they can see when your plane lands, like, they know, yeah, I was, I was mad, and I was upset, and I was really sad, [01:38:00] but I was like, I also was like, what am I gonna do, yeah, like, I, I can't, like, I can't make her open the plane, like, I can just scream at this lady, I could yell at her, I could make her feel bad, but like, that's not, it's not, yeah, it's not her fault, and like, it's not gonna make anything better, And then my friend who was with me did crash.

So I got there before. Well, that's my MO. Like, I would have just, I probably wouldn't have been able to help it. I probably just would have died. And then that's like how I, that's how I process it. Yeah. And that's totally fine. And I feel like it was actually a blessing that I, like, we were together. I got there probably a couple minutes before her because she was like, just go and run.

Like, I think I had less, like, stuff I was carrying. And then when she got there, I broke the news to her and she was like, are you serious? Like. And then so she got like pretty upset as well and I think it was just a blessing that I was like, and also I saw how upset she was like, okay, Jess, like, you gotta keep it together.

Like, [01:39:00] she is getting very affected by this. And anyways, we had to go to like the travel, the American Airlines. Counter and we go and she's in front of me in line. That's totally like no big deal. We're all getting helped, right? We're getting put on the next available flight, which isn't till tomorrow the next day.

So there's no flights for us. Are you at this point? We're in Dallas and Dallas. Yeah, that's right. And so there's no flights and she's getting helped and then I get called so I get put on the first the morning flight. That's a direct flight. And she just, I just like the sun for some reason, like her counter, the computer was messed up.

So even though I got there first, or she got there first, I got on the better flight. I got on the direct flight that left later, but arrived earlier where she got put on a flight that had a connecting flight and she had to be there super early and it got to Canada later. And of course she's like. She's upset.

She's just upset, [01:40:00] rightly so. And so anyways, American Airlines did put us in a hotel. They did give us like a little meal voucher, but it was, oh god, it was like, The hotel was fine. The hotel was great. But the only food they had at the hotel were these wings. These chicken wings. I like chicken wings. But we got there and...

I had to stop eating them. I love and I don't really have an issue with like eating meat off the bone or anything like weird like that. But like in the middle of it, I'm like grimy. It's this hotel bar. These wings are like covered in this like something like drenched in this like sticky sauce. And I'm like, eating them and the sauce is all over myself and my fingers and my mouth and I'm having, there's no napkins so I'm having to like literally lick my fingers.

It just like burst out laughing. I was like that. Can you imagine? Hard fucking no for me. Yeah. It's like, and normally like I'm not that affected but I was like, I put the wing down and I was like, I'm not that hungry. Like, I am not that hungry. [01:41:00] And I was just disgusted. I was just like grossed out with myself.

Like, just like, Oh, you're an animal. You're like gnawing a bone dripping covered with sauce. It was just, it was comical. So anyways, so in the middle of all this, like, and my friend is like, she's, so she's trying to like call to get on the same flight as me. Of course, there's nothing I can do. Like, it wasn't my fault that I got on the good flight.

And I can probably still feel shitty. It's still, it felt really bad. Cause I'm like, I don't know what to do. So she's calling, she calls and we have to leave like early from the hotel in the morning for both of our flights. And she ends up getting on our flight, which is amazing. Great. Wonderful. So we're both on the same flight.

We get to Canada and then also get there. My luggage is, it is hideous. This luggage, you've probably seen it before, Laura. It's like the floral, brown, vintage 70s vibe, like suitcase. [01:42:00] Yeah, it's a whole mood. And I've embraced it. It was gifted to me by my high school boyfriend. I've had it that long. And anyways, this luggage is like, Unbreakable.

You cannot harm this luggage. And I wouldn't even care if it was harmed because it's like just that just it's functional. And that's what it is. Anyways, my luggage arrives fully intact. And Shannon's she had two things that she checked and only one of them arrived. And the one that did arrive was broken, like just obliterated.

And I'm just like, Oh, my gosh, this my friend is just getting shellacked in this process. And She's upset. It's like Riley's like, the other suitcase is in Chicago, where it was originally supposed to go on the first flight that she was on, but her other one got here, which is really weird. So it was like, at that point, I was like, she and she admittedly was like, I'm not handling this.

Well, like, I want to go [01:43:00] home. And I feel like I was just like, man, I wish this would have happened to me instead. This is how much of like a weirdo I am. I'm like, I wish this would have happened to me. I feel like I would have obviously been upset, but like, I tend to like roll with the punches a little bit more when that, you know, it's like, I don't know, I felt a little bit more resilient in that moment.

Yeah, we all have capacity for different things. It's also, it's like the straw and the camel's back thing. Who knows what else is going on in life in general? And it's like, if she was in a similar spot where she's like, I don't even know if I want to go on this trip, where you it's like, what the universe.

Yes. So yeah, it was like one of those things, if I could have traded spots with her, I would have in terms of like all the just like ups and downs, but we got to Canada, we got on the plane, I'm just like comforting her and we're on, I'm not on the plane, we're on, we finally get on our like bus, so we have to take a charter like bus thing to Banff because it's a outside of Calgary.

And [01:44:00] from there, it just obviously got better and better because Banff is like one of the most gorgeous places I've ever seen in my whole life. We stayed at this beautiful hotel that used to be a castle. And again, it was like, I actually didn't stay. And so there's different parts of like that hotel property.

And so at first I was like sad because when we got there. They were like, Oh, your room is in this other building, like across the way, like, it's very close. It's just like a short, like two or three minute walk to like the main building. But this was like the more modern, it was like the convention center and the room was beautiful.

It was huge when I got there and the view was gorgeous. But everyone else was like, except for like me and like one other person was staying in this like castle. We'll come to find out. Again, it's like a blessing. It was just like the castle is beautiful and wonderful, but like the rooms, a lot of my friends were like, I can't even turn around in my room.

Like I can't open the bathroom door and like do my hair. It's like so small. And I was like, [01:45:00]Oh, I feel like I, again, just like I got lucky. Like I have this huge room, a bathroom where I can literally do a handstand, like a cartwheel. And it's so big and the bathtub and like all this stuff. So much space for activities.

Literally, this room was extravagant for one person. And so I just like, people were like, how's your room? Like, that's great. I didn't want to be like, it's wonderful. I love it so much. So anyways, worth the like slight inconvenience of having to walk across the property anyways, again, first world problems, but we're in this beautiful place, it's just wonderful.

I'm getting to see some of my favorite people within the beauty counter community, and it's like. Just it was wonderful. We hike. So what? It was like gorgeous weather in terms of like being sunny and like just perfect temps right before we got there. And then the day that we got there, it started snowing, which was like, actually, I was like, super stoked on it because I was just gonna say that [01:46:00]was probably like such a nice respite for you.

Oh, it was so great. And I was really worried about the cold, um, obviously coming from Texas. I'm like, where it's like literally 100 degrees when I love Texas and it's like in the 30s. But I will say like It was bad, honestly, like I, I didn't take a huge coat, I took layers and from what I had heard from some people there that are from Canada is that the cold is slightly different and that like when it's cold and so my friend has family, she's from Canada, she lives in Texas and she said every time that her Canadian family comes to Texas and it's cold in Texas, they're like, It's worse.

And so I'm like, what do you mean? Like, it doesn't really snow here, but it's like a apparently it's a wet, a very wet cold in Texas because our humidity is super high. And apparently that is like what is challenging. We're in Banff. There were other challenges with it being super dry, like my skin and like my eyes were like having a [01:47:00] time, but like it didn't feel So cold.

I don't know if that makes any sense. Like I was able to like walk in a sweater, just like a single sweater. It's like that dry cold. It's dry. It was super dry. And it was, yeah, it just hit different. Hey, uh, Laurie here. Quick podcast episode pause to share something very important. Have you heard of Phoria?

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And I will say I am acclimating to the cold. Like when it's like 62 degrees, I can be in a tank top and jeans where a year ago, there's no way, but there's so different cause it's like a wet cold here and it like gets you to the bone, but that dry. That dry cold, if you just put like a vest or a puppy on [01:49:00] or a wool sweater or whatever, like, fine.

Yeah, and I found that to be true and it was really, like, pleasantly, it was just really nice. Again, like I said, coming from the extreme heat, I was like loving it. Aside from the dryness though, that did affect me pretty heavily, like my eyes, like, watered the entire time that we were there. The endless got real puffy and real red and just my skin was like, like just drinking up like a facial oil I was putting on like constantly, but aside from that, it was just, it was perfect.

It was great weather for us. So we hiked, we went to Lake Louise and Lake Moraine and originally I was going to do, there was like a couple of hike options and I was going to do the long hike that was more challenging, but I didn't, I made a last minute executive decision not to bring my hiking boots.

Blue Cause they had originally said when the weather was supposed to be nice, that like you wouldn't need like hiking boots, then the weather turned obviously. So it's mush and ice and like [01:50:00] wet. And so the tread on the shoes that I have is like non existent. And so they were like, basically we're like, we're going to be miserable.

And I'm so glad I didn't choose the challenging hike anyways, because come to find out it was pretty. Rough for those people who didn't have like real hiking gear So we did like a more like a leisurely hike and it was just bam So the pictures that you see online most of the time are of like lake louise and lake moraine this beautiful turquoise water just like incredible and we got a different experience, but honestly just like to me more beautiful because it was like Gray, there was like fog.

It was just the pictures that I even just captured on my iPhone was like, I'm still like, go back and look and I'm gonna be like, this place is real. Like this could be on like just a postcard or a puzzle box or something. And honestly, I'll be totally honest. It was like pretty like spiritual experience just being there.

There's tons of [01:51:00] people there. It's a tourist attraction, like it's a tourist spot, but You didn't, I didn't feel like it was just to stand and look and gaze and the mountains. Oh my God, they're just majestic. And the peace, even with all those people around, just the stillness of like the water was just, like I said, it was spiritual.

I felt very like, just loved and like at one, like, I don't know, it sounds woo, but It was just gorgeous. I did not want to leave. That was my favorite part. I want to go back because I feel like just when you're on someone else's schedule, there's just not as much time to like explore or sit or be or do all the things that you want to do.

So we'll definitely go back. I just can't wait to take the kids. But that was super fun. The sad part was. The day before we were, we came to hike, a couple, an experienced hiking couple, were up like higher in [01:52:00] the like back, back country of the Banff National Park, they got lost with their dog and turned out there was a bear attack.

It was like the first one in like, Many years and they died and their dog also died. So like they had their dog with them and no one really knows what happened, but this particular bear was like a super aggressive. They said it was like leaner than it was supposed to be for this time of year. So probably hungry, like just a lot of things.

And they came across, somehow they, you know, cross paths and, um, the couple, they have a couple died. And so they found them the day of our hike, which was a little bit like scary. But. You know, just like nature is just wild and truly like wild in all aspects of it. So that was a really like sad thing to hear while we were there, but I know it feels weird to be like these people died and then like onto the food we ate at Banff.

I just want to recognize it's incredibly sad [01:53:00] and also just an unfortunate accident, but accident. So we went hiking and then, like, we were supposed to do the gondola up to, like, the, the top of, like, this mountain in the town of Banff, but the weather was a little bit bad, so we didn't get to go, and then we did, like, there was, like, a heated pool outside, which we, like, hung out there, there was, like, a beautiful spot, I didn't end up doing any spa treatments or anything, mostly because, like, A, like, it was very expensive, but B, I just, we didn't really have time, we went into the town, And I picked up a couple of souvenirs for the kids and had like a lovely lunch, got to connect with some new friends that I'd never met before with Beauty Counter.

And it's like, all the Beauty Counter trips, the food is amazing, the company is amazing, they just go to the nines with like, really treating us, and it was beautiful. I will say, three days, not even three full days was like not enough time to like really. [01:54:00] It's like I almost felt like I was just now when we left, it was like I was just like settling in and being like, okay, like, what are we going to do next?

But we saw bears. Especially with all that travel. Yes. Yeah. So it was just such a quick trip. Very cup filling. A lot more cup filling than I thought it would be. Just beautiful to be in nature. Like we saw a bear on the golf course. One of the nights we had dinner like at this restaurant that was like on a golf course and there was just a bear like just out way far in the distance but like just roaming around walking around on the golf course and then we saw some elk as well.

Um, which was really special and they also, but they were right by the road. And so again, our driver was like, don't get out, don't get close. They're not friendly, cute deer. Um, and they were, this particular elk was chasing, um, I don't know what the female does. I don't really know what the female, this bull was chasing some female elk.

And so [01:55:00] even more dangerous apparently. So, but it was just, it was gorgeous. It's like, I don't get to see that in Texas on a daily basis. And so to be there, I just, and I had a lot of like friends who are from Canada, or even like around like the Banff area, reach out and be like, I'm so glad that you're experiencing my home.

It's like, we hope you love it. And it truly was just like a treasure. I am so glad that I went. So that was the Banff trip. Sorry, I feel like I'm just like chatty Cathy this morning. But I feel like there's a lot has happened. Came home from Banff, worked furiously for a couple days to get some recipe shot, and then went to a retreat.

A women's, like, spiritual retreat called Captivating in the Texas Hill Country on the following Thursday. So, it was just, I will, full transparency, like, I was talking that the morning I was supposed to go and I just told him I didn't want to go. I told him that I was like, just wanted to be with my kids, like, my kids actually [01:56:00] missed me this time, which is, of course they missed me, but like, Tim said that they were, like, asking, like, when's mama gonna come home, like, we miss her, like, they just barely had soccer games, and there was just, like, a lot going on, um, and they had a great time, but I really miss them, and I always do, but, like, I just felt this, like, I want to be home, like, I want to be home, I, like, I did not want to go to this retreat, and Tim was, like, gently encouraging me, like, to go, so we end up going.

And I'm, I'm happy, like, part of it, like, I don't want to share everything because I'm aware not everyone shares my, like, belief system, but I will say, like, I had, like, a deeply spiritual experience at this retreat, just. And that's been something you've been seeking. Yes. Yes. Which I think that's really cool that, like, how well Tim knows you and sees you.

Yes. And knew [01:57:00] that this is exactly what you needed. Always get what you want. Okay, onwards. Exactly. No, I did, in the moment, I did not want to go. I didn't want to be around a bunch of people that I didn't know. I didn't want to sleep in bunkhouse cabins. I didn't want, like, I just was resisting, like, literally every part of it.

Up to the point where even while I'm driving there, I'm having to like pull over and work and I was frank, like my energy was just like frantic. I was like, but it's like the perfect picture of like how I've been in this season where I'm just like working, going like ignore the feelings, push, push, push.

Like you got to do this. I'm like literally pulling over. I'm like 30 minutes from this retreat where I'm not going to have any service and I'm like, I got to answer this email like I have to. It's so important that I have to pull over and do this. And it was just like, that's like bananas. That's like, I didn't have to do any of that, but I felt in my soul, this like [01:58:00] panic, like anxiety feeling about being disconnected from like technology and my phone.

And when I got there, I'm not going to say when I got there, like everything changed. Like it took me a day or two to like. Like my brain to stop like just being like, okay, what are you gonna do when you get home? Like you need to make a plan and like ease into the retreat activities and like the retreat teachings and lower at this beautiful place I've been to before just surrounded by nature.

The weather is amazing for the first time in like months and months And the, I went on, oh, gosh, yeah, I forgot about this part. So the first thing that was like special was this cat followed me around this whole time. It's just like random orange cat. There's like a couple wild cats on the property that want nothing to do with like humans.

And this orange cat found me and just like. Cause I, again, like this message might not be for everyone, but I think everyone can understand and [01:59:00] like, hear my story. My story is like, I don't hear from God. Like I know there's lots of people that feel like very connected to like God or whatever it is that you feel connected to the universe, et cetera.

I'm not going to clarify that every time I move forward from here. Insert whatever you believe, feel, I believe in God, but I don't feel necessarily like connected or that like he cares about me, Jess, in particular. And at this retreat, I feel like this cat, I don't know, call me weird or whatever, this cat followed me around, would not leave me alone.

this? I know you are. I know you are. But this cat, like, would not leave me alone and would just, I, so I ended up laying down because I still was just like, I'm not feeling this. Like, I wasn't into it. I wanted to go home still. This is like day two. And this cat comes and lays on my chest. And just like basically like hugs me with its paws, lays on me, purrs, staring into my eyes, will not break [02:00:00] eye contact.

And in that moment I was like, I just like burst into tears and I was like, what? Like, because one of the things that I've learned is that like, I believe that like God speaks to you through the things that you love. And I like love animals. I love like nature, all of that. And I felt like it was just like truly a warm hug like sent for me.

So from that moment on, I was like, Oh my God. Like I, I started to soften my heart to like. receiving like whatever I was supposed to be there to receive. And so it was the next day I went on this hike. And so there's this path that kind of, it's like a short 20 minute hike, but it's uphill. And at the top of this like overlook, there's this beautiful cross and there's a waterfall.

And it was just like Magical. It was like the moment I started hiking, I, I tried to put in my earbuds and it's like, I'm gonna listen to music and like, it wouldn't work like the music wouldn't play. Like, cause I didn't have service. I was trying and trying and finally I was like, okay, like I'm not supposed to be like, I think the point here is to like, just be and like, not have anything input.[02:01:00]

And so we're walking and I just, I'm crying the entire time, like, I don't even know why, like, but I start to hear what I believe, like, I start to hear and feel, like, God's presence with me, and it just, like, broke me in, like, the best possible way, because it, it, like, made me feel like I wasn't alone and I didn't have to do everything alone by myself, like, I've been feeling this, like, urge, this, like, overwhelming anxiety and panic, like, because one of, part of my story is that, like, because of what I've been through, Like with my family and stuff, it's like, I can't depend on anyone else.

Like I can't trust anyone else to like show up for me or be there or take care of me or protect me. And so it's this story that's like become part of my life that has led to a lot of like perfectionism and like this obsession with like work and productivity and proving myself like, like, I have this to bring to the table, like I'm so valuable because I do this.[02:02:00]

And part of what I was hearing, like, in this hike was like, you don't have to do all that. Like, you are, like, valuable just for who you are. Like, I'm hoping I'm not going to cry, because I was, like, crying. From that point on, I cried, like, my entire weekend. I know it's a safe place here, but I feel like I've processed through it enough to where it's not going to instantly bring me to tears, but...

It was just like this overwhelming reminder that, like, I am loved, like, for who I am. And so it was beautiful. It was wonderful. And there's a lot more to it. And if anyone wants to hear more of the story, I'm happy to share it one on one. But it was just like, like I said, a truly incredible experience. And game changing.

I ended up sharing my kind of like story with these women who I came became pretty close with in the short time we were there. And like my full on story, and it's just incredible because it's like you also realize, so one of the things at the beauty countertrip actually, our [02:03:00] interim CEO ended up sharing her full story with this room of women.

And it, when I tell you that it was devastating and horrific, like to hear her story. Like what, the things she had been through, I was like, I was in tears. I was just crying through the whole time that she was telling us like the things that had happened to her. And I'm looking at her. I'm like, I would never have noticed about her.

Like she's this like badass, I hate this term, but like boss babe, like she's a CEO. She's just like got it all figured out. And then to like hear this like radical vulnerability, it just like totally changed. Like my just, you feel like it's, what I'm trying to say is like when someone's vulnerable and honest with you, it like the connection there that you feel is like, it's like instant and it's like almost like when someone exposes themselves to you like that, I trust you enough, like it just like, it's almost [02:04:00] like an instant reciprocal trust is like born.

And so a lot of that was like what happened at the retreat and to hear other people's story that's like, you walk in and you're like, okay, I don't know any of these people and I don't want to know any of these people. I already have my friends. I don't have space for anyone else. And then you form some like preconceived notions about like who they are based off, etc, etc.

All humans do this, right? Like you make assumptions. And then when you really get to know what they've been through, you're like, well, like this is bananas. And it's also makes you realize that like everyone has their thing, like everyone has a story and everyone's been through pain and trauma, big T, little T, just a wide variety of things.

And it gives you a lot of grace for like broken people. Again, it's not a reason or it's not an excuse. It's there's reasons why people are the way they are sometimes. And it feels. When you receive it in like a space that feels really safe, it's like an honor, [02:05:00] right, to hear someone's story. So anyways... Hey there, friends!

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Now, let's dive back into [02:07:00] our episode. Sometimes it's easier to share that kind of stuff with, like, quote unquote strangers who are there for the same reason, like, there's this built in solidarity and understanding that, like, what you share there stays there, like a safe it's a little like a therapist, because They're, they don't know you outside of this, so they're not going to like see you at dinner with friends the next week and be like, I wonder if that's still on your mind.

You just get to leave it there, but people who are there to receive it and to be heard. It's like this reciprocal. It's just cool. It's really cool. And honestly, actually, I shared my story with a group of friends that I've been friends with at a beauty counter for some reason. I don't know how we brought it up, but somehow it came up and I was with a group of three people that I have known for A long time, ever since I've been doing beauty content, not and various degrees of closeness with these people and I, I like, I told them my story, like everything that's happened to me, like the hard, like nitty gritty and it was, I think I was inspired by our interim CEO and just [02:08:00] like we were talking about some hard things and I felt safe to do and it was just, it was I don't know, like, the more I share, the less, like, shame I feel about it, and even though it's like, it's nothing that I did, it's just shameful in a way that's like, anyways, I'm being very cryptic, what has happened to me is shameful on many levels, societal, just all of it, and it's just, when I feel safe, just feeling more and more called to, like, share it, when the moment feels right, Because I think it's important.

I don't know why. I just think it's important that people know that maybe the picture that you have of someone and maybe someone has a picture of me and like the life that I've led and how I view the world now and all that stuff. It's like we have all these preconceived notions and chances are you're probably wrong about whoever it is that you're thinking about, right?

Probably wrong about me. You're probably wrong about another person and you don't know. [02:09:00] You don't know their story. So anyways. I'm rambling now, but that, the retreat was incredible. The hardest part now is because you get back, it's easy to feel peaceful and connected and all of these things in nature, unplugged, not having to work, all of that stuff.

But now it's like home and there's a long, there's still a list of things to do. There's still a lot of responsibilities. Hard things are happening in the world, obviously. And it's like, what do you do? How do you carry that peace with you? Through the storm. And so I don't have the answer. I'm still working on it.

I struggled big time yesterday. I am hormonal because that time of the month I got feedback from a client. I had to be clear. I seek out feedback. I get frequent constructive feedback from clients and I want that. But this one felt particularly hard. And challenging for a variety of reasons, it was all the things it was like, it felt personal, but then it also [02:10:00] felt vague.

It felt like things outside of my control, but then like very specific, like nitpicky things, it felt untrue. There was all these responses like in my brain where I was like, it just didn't feel like the delivery was just not smooth. And anyways, this feedback from them. My client was like really tough yesterday.

I'm not going to lie. Um, it, it like took me out. I was so upset. I could not stop thinking about it. I woke up thinking about it today because I'm like, I'm a perfectionist, a recovering one, but like, I want all of my clients to be super excited about like all the images that I deliver. I like, I work my butt off, like I prepare and plan and prep and obsess and like, just, I spend way too much time on things.

And like, sometimes when the feedback feels like, essentially like, not attacking, [02:11:00] but speaking to like my integrity, I'm like, what? Like, that's not right at all. Like, that's like feels really wrong. And so, anyways, it's like, it's been a challenge. I know a lot of it has to do with just like the, And I am in, I'm just not as resilient, like my friend who on the trip, like, it's just like the straw that like broke the camel's back yesterday.

And so I'm not going to lie and say the, like, I handled it and I'm handling it well, but just trying to learn from it and see if there's any truth to what the feedback was, if there's anywhere that like, I can actually like take that and like, if for it to be constructed, you know what I mean? There's difference between like.

What feels like constructive feedback where you're like, okay, cool. Like I can work on that or like, where it's just like. You're not trying hard enough. Yeah. It's a story she's telling herself because I don't know, my [02:12:00] brain goes to like, she missed something along the way and she's wanting to put that blame on you somehow.

I don't know the story. I don't know what's going on, but I just have to remember constantly, like everyone is, their life is their story and some people are not resilient enough to take feedback or to take ownership. Our team's reading extreme ownership right now for CrossFit and it's just like, it's really been enlightening to me on just like.

Take feedback or take ownership or whatever it is. So I think it's really powerful that you're like, yeah, okay. At first I was like a little dejected and I've been there and then you're like, okay, but where can I find glimmers? Potential truth to get better. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. And it's like, I'm, I'm going to try and do that at the end of the day.

I don't mess with like, there's also another part of it where I've had experience with enough clients where I'm like, is this a good fit? Is it a stylistic thing where like. I'm going to choose to, yeah, like, like, and not upon, not as a punishment for the feedback, but like, [02:13:00] will I ever be able to deliver on these expectations because of maybe I'm not experienced enough, maybe I'm not like, and I say this not in a like humble way, but like, maybe I'm not like, what's the word I'm looking for, like, maybe I don't have that skill set yet that she's actually asking me to do like a specific kind of versatility.

Yeah, like maybe I like literally can't meet those expectations yet. And is this a good fit, like, for us both? Because I want her to be happy, like, I don't want her to feel like we're struggling to, like, execute on, like, a vision or, like, capture the recipes or whatever. And, like, what I'm not gonna do is, like, just...

Kill myself for like the next couple months, trying to like please someone who were, it just may not be possible in those specific ways. And so that's where like my kind of evaluation is. It's like, I'm just, I have so much too much on my plate where it's like, I can't put that level of [02:14:00] effort for someone where it just might not, it might not ever be what I want it to be.

Do you know what I mean? Is that making any sense? It's like just evaluating the process of like, well, how to, how to work with clients moving forward. Like, do we do a trial, like period, do we do a couple of recipes to see if like reviving, if like my style is their style, like it, it's, it's good. The feedback is good because it also helping me evaluate like how I will run these things in the future.

And to be fair, like this is like 95 percent of the time. All of my, just, I love my clients and I love this client too. I, I really think it's not like a unnecessarily a me thing. It's just like 95 percent of the time it's wonderful and the feedback is awesome and I seek it out. I send regular emails like, how are you liking things?

What can we work on? It's just, okay, I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. It's just sometimes harder [02:15:00] than others to hear that like someone doesn't like what you produced. And art is like, well, given that difficulty of hearing that, I will say that the way you're receiving it is very admirable. Well, thanks.

I definitely like cried yesterday because I, and when I, Tim was like, well, we're talking through and he said, where are you upset? And I was like, I'm mostly upset. Cause I feel like I can't necessarily. Make it better because some of the things were just like something where I'm like, I don't, I like, I can't fix that.

Like, and also like, I'm disappointed in myself because I'm like, I truly mean it when I'm like, I want all my clients to be like, Oh my God, this is like blowing me away. And so I was upset because I'm like, I just feel like I let her down. But at the end of the day, again, with some clarity and some distance, it was like, okay, what's true here and what is just like something that feels like way off the mark.

So anyways, don't want to dwell too much on that. I really [02:16:00] wanted to try and move past it. But like I said, I woke up and it was still on my brain. And I'm like, it's impacting me too. Cause now I'm like second guessing everything that I'm doing, like for all of my clients. I'm like, are they going to like this?

Is this shitty? Is this like the worst thing I've ever done? And some food is harder than others. It's like really hard to like make certain food. Look like my broccoli rice. It's like. Okay, it's probably Orion's like, what are we doing here? It's not going to look like just mind blowing. So anyways, art is hard.

Art is like putting yourself way out there. It's like saying, here's the, my creative best, here's what I can do. And sometimes it's not good. It's not good to one eye because art is all it like, it's not like math too is always going to be four. People have different perspectives and different tastes. And there's pictures that are like worth millions of dollars.

I'm like, what the hell my two year old could do [02:17:00] that? Oh, totally. And it's like to one person. It's like, oh my God, that burrito looks amazing. And then to the next person will be like, you know, like that's not my style. Like that's not what I would have done. And it's just a dance and it's, it's part of the process.

And it's a, it's a big lesson over here for me for sure. Cause it's not, I've not been in this like creative world for very long. So it's just going to take, it's going to take some resiliency and building a thick skin around all that. And ultimately using like whatever feedback that like actually makes sense to like get better.

So constantly trying to get better. Anyways, I feel like I just now an hour into this, y'all know everything per usual, I've got to shoot today. I've got two recipes to shoot today and hopefully really going to try and take Friday off. Not really off because I'll have to edit and go to the grocery store but like from creating just to try and recharge my batteries and we don't have a soccer game this weekend, which feels like a Beautiful gift and I [02:18:00] just want to spend some time my family like oh, I just miss them I love them and I'm just ready to I don't know I just want to slow down a little bit, but I don't think that's gonna happen and if y'all could just Send me some vibes to just find pockets of peace in my day, because one of the things that I heard on my walk at the retreat this weekend, because I was like, I want to know, like, what's going to happen?

Like, am I, is Tim going to get a job? Am I always going to have to work this hard? Like, these circumstances that I'm in right now feel really challenging. And one of the things that I felt like I heard was like, I'm not, I'm not going to change your, your circumstances are not changing, but like you can find peace, like in, in the circumstances.

And so I'm really trying to like seek that out and just try and just try my best over here. That is my update.

That's all I got. I feel like [02:19:00] maybe you're over there tending to children. I'm here. I'm here. Thank you for the update. I love it. That's a long, complicated one, especially given it's like, like you said, it's like, and then it's the world and it's like all this pressure to say something or, or do something or be something.

And it's like, I, I promise you that even if I'm not posting a million things. I promise you that I care deeply, so that's all And what a weird, yeah, what a weird place that we have to, like, we feel like we have to even say that. I know, I know. It's, I, I just, yeah. We're all on our own journeys and you do yours.

I'm glad you're all here and listening and hopefully, and I think you are here and listening because things that we share resonate, but. Yeah. Yeah, we're human. We care deeply. It impacts us. We're also trying to like hold our lives together and the [02:20:00] I'm just like unapologetically my kids first. You're the same.

We have to continue to we can't just pause our lives. I think the crux of it is that like, it couldn't be so easy for me to get so overwhelmed by like the horrible because the world's Yes, it's beautiful and wonderful. It's also filled with horror and just like the worst access to it 24. You can just open your phone.

I have a hard rule for myself right now to stay out of stories because it's so easy for someone to watch something and see it and just like reshare it and then be blindsided. You open your phone. I'm like looking for a sourdough recipe and then it's just like, it's like we have to, I think we all deciding to be in a specific mental state when we consume something.

But we're just slapped with it once it's horror after horror. And it's like, I, for me in particular, like it has the ability to literally crush me to where I cannot get out of bed because I, and I can't do that, right? Like I can't, [02:21:00] I have to be able to like, like at least go through the motions of like my day while I'm processing this.

And again, everyone's different and everyone's like dealing with all this stuff in their own way. But like, like you said, it's like. You have to be able to, like, show up as best you can for the people in, like, your circle as well. And so for me, it's just like trying to figure out how can I help from afar and also like be as present as I can for like my family.

So anyways, it's a constant struggle and yeah, I feel like we've said enough on that. But if you are struggling also, we see you, we feel you, we hear you if you want to chat about it and just know like this is a hard. It was a hard season for the world and for a lot of people's big hugs, the biggest.

Alright, everyone's Zach moves over here, so all gonna go speaking to girls . We go ssn them, make some [02:22:00] breakfast, get a workout in on with the day. All right, friend. Thanks for holding space over here. We love you guys. Love you. Talk soon. Bye bye.

Thanks for listening to our podcast. See you next time. Bye.[02:23:00]